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Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

886 replies

spamm · 16/10/2023 02:25

I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

OP posts:
ZittiEBuoni · 11/11/2023 13:48

Just spoke to DD on the phone and she is very, very stressed about the pressure to find a house for next year. One friend she thought she could count on has signed up with another group and, while she has other friends who aren't sorted, there aren't enough of them to form groups with. There must be some kind of central noticeboard for this kind of thing - housemate search or something? Perhaps she should go to the accommodation office and ask?

stilldumdedumming · 11/11/2023 14:31

@ZittiEBuoni it seems bonkers doesn't it. There has to be a better way. Most uni's have a private sector advice person so I would say that is a
Good place to start.

Ds is in a house hunting group although they are a bit big he says. His friend's mum is apparently very involved and wants to do the house hunting with her. He is grateful/ disappointingly typical boy, and is happy to let them do it. He's hoping the more affluent of their group will want to pay more for better dogs and he will take a cheaper box room. They're in London so had probably better get on with it.

Also to say he rarely went to school and although easy to get along with, he really had one decent friend and the rest were adults who he worked with. He is pretty surprised that he appears to have found a group fairly easily.

MargaretThursday · 11/11/2023 15:26

@ZittiEBuoni are there private halls in her town?

She may not think they're ideal, but it gives her a fall back, if she doesn't find anything.
If she can link up with one of the people who isn't in a group, then maybe they can start hunting on 3/4 bedrooms, and ask around. It's in some ways easier with two to find a third and fourth than find them out of the blue.

ZittiEBuoni · 11/11/2023 15:28

Yes, there are some (very lovely and convenient but £££) private halls if all else fails, so that's a fallback at least @MargaretThursday .

She has one good friend who is unattached to any group, so I might suggest that she and her friend start looking and hope they can find a couple of floating voters down the line. Good idea!

I've emailed her the link to the accommodation office number on their page about finding private rentals @stilldumdedumming . At least it feels like I'm doing something positive to help.

MargaretThursday · 11/11/2023 16:31

@ZittiEBuoni By having two people, they have more power for adding people. So less likely to end up in a random group because "can't find anyone else" - although random groups sometimes work very well, it can be more nervewracking.

MirandaWest · 11/11/2023 18:38

DS is going back to university after having been here since 17th October (reading week this week and all the hospital and recovery before that). Am driving him and his GF up there tomorrow (partly so I know he’s safely there and also to get him some food) and it will be a bit odd.

Hes caught up with all his lectures and seems to have plans in place for assessments etc. Really hope things go all right for him. I’m trying not to think about houses for next year…

MargaretThursday · 11/11/2023 19:45

@MirandaWest
Glad to hear he's up to going back. Hope he stays healthy!

Lyxou · 11/11/2023 21:06

My DD has paired up with a girl on her course, and it was originally planned that they would go in a house with another 4 people, so a group of 6, but the group of 4 have said it won't work with 2 extra (maybe they've found a house for 4). So now DD and this girl are asking round anyone they can to get 2 more. I'm not too worried, I'm sure there must be other people not yet in a group. And at least she's paired up with someone.

troppibambini6 · 12/11/2023 13:50

Dd is in a six and they are still looking.

Four are from her flat and two from another. She is feeling a bit awkward as she isn't going to be living with two of the boys from her flat and one of them at least seems to presume they will all be living together. Everyone else had been away on reading week except for dd and this boy who said "suppose we need to start looking for a house?" Dd just said they would all have a chat when everyone home.

I totally get why she doesn't want to live with them. They both really can't handle their drink but seem to get very very drunk regularly and one of them pooed his pants. As dd said " I absolutely do not need this in my house next year!"

MirandaWest · 12/11/2023 23:01

DS is now back at university. I feel pretty sure his IBD is currently being helped a lot by the medication he’s on and he seemed fine when I dropped him off (gf also came in the car as she’s also there although in different accommodation). Both took advantage of being taken to Tesco 😃

But I’m missing him - feels a bit like when he first left. And although he’s been doing good catching up since coming out of hospital, I will still worry….and that’s before I think about housing for next year!

RoyKentFanclub · 13/11/2023 05:44

The housing situation is so shit. DS is at a university where there is absolutely no rush because there is loads of accommodation but once one person starts panicking it all spirals and they wind each other up. A lot if the flats fracture because of the pressure to find someone to live with whereas if they just waiting until Easter it would be far more clear which friendship groups were stable.

MargaretThursday · 13/11/2023 17:14

Dd's coming home next weekend, and two more before the end of term. They're all for things she wants to do, but considering before she went she was more saying "you'll be lucky to see me at Christmas..." it just makes me a little twitchy that she's not enjoying it was much as she says she is.
Yes, I am a worrier.

Tabbytabs · 13/11/2023 18:49

Dd went back yesterday evening after a week at home. I don’t really miss her more than I would generally because I hardly saw her! Hopefully she will be around more at Christmas.

She thinks she has a group to live with next year. They are going to the union tonight to chat about it over drinks. My parents have offered to pay for her accommodation next year, so that really takes the pressure off!

Downsidesupside · 13/11/2023 19:20

Dd has said their boiler has broken, so no hot water or heat for a few days while they wait for a part.

I don't think they've had a month with everything working yet.

NotDonna · 14/11/2023 05:13

Oh no @Downsidesupside fingers crossed that gets fixed asap. Don’t suppose there’ll be spare flats for them to sleep/study in for the time being? Any chance they can have showers at another flat or at the gym?

Original poster
spamm · 18/11/2023 19:07

@MirandaWest - glad your DS is doing better.

I got to Exeter last night at 8.00pm and hugged DS so hard. Had dinner with him last night and dropped him off with goodies and clothes from home. Had breakfast with him this morning, tried not to interrogate him too much, and took him shopping for Doc Martens, as his trainers are not enough for English rainy weather. I left him at 12.30pm, as he has a busy afternoon and evening, but we are meeting up for a roast lunch tomorrow. He wants vegetables, as he says he does not like the ones in the cafeteria. It is just so wonderful to be able to hug him and see his beautiful face. It is going to be hard to head back to the US on Monday, but it will only be a month until he is home for Christmas.

OP posts:
NotDonna · 18/11/2023 22:31

Ahhh that’s so lovely @spamm
My DD thinks canvas converse trainers are fine for Northern English weather - I disagree & think she’ll get trench foot.
Enjoy your Sunday roast tomorrow!

Downsidesupside · 19/11/2023 00:50

Thank you @NotDonna.

Dd has heating and hot water again! Her friends let her use their shower.
She's also ditched the crutches and is doing an hour of physio each day so will hopefully be back on her feet without the brace in a few weeks time.

She picked up some dresses to to clubbing in last time she was home, and said she now feels one of the group so appears much more settled.

MouseCatchingCats · 19/11/2023 06:59

*Ten days in and my daughter is lonely and sad in her room. She has done all the right things. Gone to events and joined clubs.

But she left karaoke night as everyone was in groups and she kept being alone. She had lots of friends at school. She gets on with people on her course but has nobody who seems to seek her out.

I have told her she just needs to keep on doing what she is doing. It’s so hard when you can’t help them. My heart breaks for her.*

This was my post from a month ago. Things are much better now. My girl is part of a group. They go out most nights. She is feeling accepted. She still gets anxious and overthinks and says she doesn’t have a ‘best friend’. But she has people to hang out with every night. She has had one friend over to stay at ours in London one weekend and has another coming to stay next Friday for a gig. Still ups and downs, and she regrets her choice of hall, but overall much much better.

I wanted to thank everyone who posted in support or solidarity. I actually copied and pasted your messages at the time and sent them to her. They really helped.

I am glad this is my final child having to leave home for university. I don’t think I could do it again, I couldn’t take the stress!!

NotDonna · 19/11/2023 08:15

@Downsidesupside and@MouseCatchingCats so pleased to hear both your DDs have found friends and are settling in. They’ve only been away a couple of months so it really is still early days.

ZittiEBuoni · 19/11/2023 09:36

Lovely to hear everyone's updates.

DD is feeling happier now after getting a house-hunting group together - now to find a house, I suppose.

I was quite shocked to find when I visited last month that her Doc Martens are in a poor state of repair with the leather cracking all over. This would not have happened in my day! In fact I still have the pair I wore in the 90s, in excellent condition. I guess she might as well have them (we are the same shoe size).

Tabbytabs · 19/11/2023 09:56

@spamm that post nearly made me cry! Every time I see my ds (16) I want to squish his gorgeous face and hug his massive gangly body!

I love how everyone is settling in and finding their feet. All it took was time ❤️

Waiting for dd to wake up so we can remotely watch strictly together. She went to a house party last night, so I’m not expecting any messages before lunch!

MermaidEyes · 19/11/2023 11:13

NotDonna · 18/11/2023 22:31

Ahhh that’s so lovely @spamm
My DD thinks canvas converse trainers are fine for Northern English weather - I disagree & think she’ll get trench foot.
Enjoy your Sunday roast tomorrow!

My daughter thinks the same. That, and fake Uggs. She's asked for some Docs for Christmas. She's at York and seems to have settled in brilliantly. Loves her course and has made lots of friends with similar interests. She's currently on a weekend visit home and is enjoying home comforts and the cats 😆

Sinutab · 19/11/2023 13:11

My daughter knows I hate UGGs, Crocs and Birkenstocks. She has Crocs and Birkenstocks already. She has asked for UGGs for Xmas to compete the trio of ugly shoe ownership. She clearly hates me ;-)

She also owns Docs but I like those.

Tabbytabs · 19/11/2023 13:27

I would disown my dd if she wore crocs 😂 I don’t understand them (outside of health professionals and gardening). They are so goddam ugly!

Dd owns about 10 pairs of dms and a whole pharmacy worth of silicone foot plasters! It took almost a year to break in her Jadons and even now she still has to wear plasters and two pairs of socks.