They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

[spamm]

I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

@tribpot that's so hard for you and your DS. It's great that he is managing by coming home regularly. I very much hope that he starts to find one or two mates soon. That's all it will take, and it's such a lottery at the beginning.

I posted about my DD struggling a bit a few weeks ago. I think she is slowly starting to find her feet which is great. Thanks for the warm words and general solidarity on this (well the other!) thread. Although it's horrible to think of anyone having a tough time, it's reassuring to know they're not alone.

@Z0rr0 no York. Predictably, she split up with her boyfriend at the weekend, so she was a blubbering mess on the phone (again!) for a couple of hours on Saturday evening and Sunday morning.

She did her sport on Sunday morning though and the people she's starting to make friends with there really cheered her up, and then she spent most of the afternoon chatting with her housemates, who are all lovely but she's not had a lot to do with them because they go out clubbing a lot, and my DD isn't into clubbing (she's teetotal). However, she is now going out with them all on Tuesday!

The relationship hasn't been going well for a while and I honestly think she'll enjoy uni a lot more now and get a lot more out of it.

It's so hard for them though - the number of life changes they have to deal with all at once is astonishing really.

DD came home this last weekend and we waved her off this morning for the long journey back. She flew home on the Friday, but flight was nearly 3 hours delayed 😭. Was lovely having her home, we watched some telly, popped to the shop, she met up with local friends, and she got some cat cuddles. Can't wait for Xmas!

@Lyxou Hope your DD recovers from the split ok.
The reason I asked about Bristol was my DD is there. They have a terrible track record on student suicide and as a result put a lot of work into their pastoral / mental health support but DD told us at the weekend that if they think the student is suicidal they won't offer MH support as they don't want to be liable so their response is just to send them home.
Interesting I guess to hear that they're not the only uni to take that approach.

@ZittiEBuoni We were also in Bristol Friday/Saturday. We found the city a little hard to navigate. And although it was great to see her I felt a little like we were intruding on her territory. She said she didn't feel that tho. She did well out of us for food and somehow convinced us to go to a roller disco! But although we spent a lot of time browsing overpriced vintage stalls we didn't spring for a new wardrobe this time.

@Z0rr0 I think you're right. Honestly, the state she gets herself into, she does act like she's suicidal, but she's not, and 2 hours later she's actually fairly happy. She was exactly the same as a toddler, when she didn't get her way, but I realised even then that if I held out for 2 hours, she'd suddenly be fine and have almost forgotten about it. I don't blame the counsellors for telling her to go home, even though it's not the right advice for her. The only one who encourages her to stay, is her supervisor.

I went to Bristol (a long time ago! - early 90s), and I didn't settle at all, and I did become suicidal, and I can definitely say the university had no support whatsoever in place. I found Bristol itself way too big and sprawling, and couldn't afford bus fares. Also, I was brought up in a Northern pit village, very working class, parents had no money and I was on a full grant. I was the first person in my family to go to uni, so my parents didn't get it at all. They never visited because they couldn't afford the petrol, and didn't think they were supposed to. Every single one of the other 12 girls on my floor in halls were southern, rich, private school educated, and seemed to spend all weekend shopping. I was on a very tight budget so couldn't partake. Also, I had a very strong Yorkshire accent, and a lot of students either struggled to understand me and/or thought I was putting it on for a joke (they'd only heard comedians talk like that), or assumed it meant I was stupid and wondered why I was there, so looked down on me/brushed me off. To top it off, I was also dumped by my boyfriend, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I eventually dropped out, started again at Sheffield the following year and had a whale of a time.

I am sorry to hear about the sexual assault. An utter disgrace. We can’t seem to protect our daughters from this stuff 😐

Get well wishes to your boy. What a tough thing to happen right now x

ETA I see he is out now and back home. Great news!

@Z0rr0 , those very steep hills gave my thighs a good workout. I would have LOVED a roller disco but dd probably not so keen...

@Lyxou I too was the state school kid on a corridor of 12 private school girls though not in the same year as you (were you in CHH?). I made friends through choirs and music stuff but the only people I really got on with were boys studying sciences/engineering - uncomplicated, unsnobbish and down to earth. I loved the city of Bristol and still do, so that sweetened the pill.

@Sinutab yes he got released on Friday and he’s making a good effort now at catching up on lectures and getting in touch with tutors, requesting assignment extensions and seeming like he has a lot more energy (which to be honest I think he does).

Kids who struggle with health problems at university have so much more to battle. My child has some health issues which really affect her, but she keeps on plodding along. I think we need to be extra proud of them!

My DDs housemates are so lovely! When her boyfriend dumped her on Sunday morning, they made sure that at least one of them was with her for the whole of the next 24 hours, even through the night when she couldn't sleep. I think she spent most of the night carving a pumpkin to keep her mind off the split, and all of them came and kept her company at some point during the afternoon and overnight.

That is so very thoughtful @Lyxou and quite reassuring for you.
we are away on hols but DD is home from York today so looking forward to seeing her tomorrow when we return. Her elder sister is popping home for a few days too - it’ll be lovely to have all 3 DDs home for the weekend. 😊

What lovely flatmates @Lyxou, exactly what you would wish for.

Hope all dc studying on or near the south coast stay safe over the next day or so. It's sounding crazy out there already.

For those with unresponsive dcs on the south coast I can confirm that everything is fine! From looking at the radar we are in the midst of the worst and it’s just a bit rainy. I am an eternal optimist though! All the schools in the city are closed tomorrow, not really sure why 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is that because it’s half term @Tabbytabs? I’m being flippant 😊 So pleased it’s not too nasty on the south coast!

All the trees are still standing, the garage roof is still attached and the garden furniture is all where I left it! I got woken a couple of times by the rain, but it wasn’t as bad as the news was making out. It’s supposed to get bad shortly, from the radar it looks as though I am currently in the eye of the storm. Better let the cats out before it hits again!

Glad to hear all is well in the south.
Dd is doing so much better after splitting with the boyf, she coming home on Saturday with one of her new mates and they're having a night out in Manchester.

She has also got through to the final of a mooring competition she entered so down th the last four out of 50. Even if she doesn't win she done so well considering it's her first time. She scored 46/50 so a really good score.
I'm super proud of her especially when it was a couple of days after the split!

Mooting not mooring 😆

@troppibambini6 I wondered what a mooring competition was 😂

Mooring competition .

Glad dd is coming out of the worst @troppibambini6 , sounds like she has plenty going on.

Our bit of the south coast has had some disruption with flooding and road closures but not as bad as expected - fingers crossed it stays that way!

@ZittiEBuoni It isn’t even raining in Southampton (was supposed to be one of the places worst hit) and is mildly breezy at worst. Parents must be screwing about the school closures! There is some localised flooding, but I live right next to the river and that happens multiple times a year. Ds got the 8am bus to college with no problems.

Dd is home tomorrow! I can’t wait! Not seen her since I dropped her off. Hope all those who had/are having their babies home for reading week have had a lovely time!

Yay to DD being back tomorrow @Tabbytabs ! DD is back on Saturday morning till Monday morning, hopefully the weather will be better than this. It's definitely raining! The cat is fed up.

@Lyxou Sorry about your miserable experience at Bristol. I'm not completely sold on it but we'll see. DD seems to like it.

I am still struggling to bend my head round the notion that they all miss so many lectures and get behind on their work. I sound like a ridiculous old pearl clutcher but unless students were basically dropping out, we missed very few lectures when I went. It's worrying me that my DD is missing lectures regularly and getting behind on work but apparently this is normal nowadays?

Also I've just learned they're supposed to be sorting out their Y2 accommodation now. This seems ridiculously early but again things have evidently moved on a lot since I went. I guess because numbers of students are much greater and competition for housing is so high it makes sense. But my DD hasn't really made great friends yet so finding people to share with seems like a tall order. She says she's going to ask her other flatmates if they'll go in together but there's only three of them so I imagine they'll need another one to three people to join them.

Yikes! 2nd year housing is a scary thought! Dd has a friendship group now, but I’m not sure she is at the stage she wants to commit to living with any of them.

She hasn’t missed any lectures. I don’t know if that’s because she’s a super history nerd or down to her being such a tight arse she doesn’t want to miss anything she’s paid for!