University offers coming in?

[WombatChocolate]

Just for nosiness and due to excitement about DS’s application going in, wondered if we could have a thread with people sharing offers as they are received, during this early phase.

Has anyone had an offer yet? Who will be first?

And totally realise that most won’t have applied yet and won’t do so for months and that’s absolutely fine and more normal.

Thanks all for the kind words!!

DD has an offer!!!!! Thank goodness for that, not her first choice (although bearing in mind we've only seen 2 of 5 I'm certain that preferences will change) but an offer all the same 😊. And at BBB it's slightly lower than the standard which I'm glad about, we had parent's evening last night and I think a B in Chemistry might be a stretch, but if she gets A's elsewhere then hopefully that will be enough. @Travelban and @MothBat commiserations on Cambridge but echoing @UZS, with grades and predictions so high they will shine!

Commiserations to other Oxbridge applicants who didn't get an interview - DS also didn't for engineering. He has a couple of offers already that's he's more than happy with so seems ok about it. Still hard for them all though!

No Oxbridge offer here either so commiserations to all. I have a perfectionist too, @Travelban it’s heartbreaking to them them beat themselves up about things when they have done their best!

@ffalafel and @Ritasueandbobtoo9 I am sorry your DCs are in the same predicament. Hopefully they can move on soon. DS1 very quiet still but hasn't mentioned it today and is busy doing some other stuff... interview for Imperial next week and he is going with one of his.best friends, so something to look forward to!

Anyone heard from Edinburgh, St Andrews or Durham yet for STEM degrees? I’ve heard they’re often late in their offers/rejections.

Same here - but offers from Loughborough and Nottingham already, on hold for Bristol, silence from Bath! So he's feeling OK atm.

@carolinenextdoor yes DS1 has offers from.both Durham and St Andrews for Computer Science. He received them around 10 days ago I think.

Congrats to your son! Not CS but a similar degree. At least some offers are being made. Although I haven’t heard of many. So well done him! What were the offers?

Great excitement here, late night Bath offer for Econ & politics. 3 As, or A* A B.

DS not sure why below normal tariff as we didn’t think any applied - though it might reflect recent change in home circumstances (DP illness).

Oh, this could have been my nephew this time 2 years ago! He would have thrived at Cambridge, they virtually told him that but that they just didn't have enough places for everyone. CS is such a popular course at Cambridge it's one of the most difficult courses to get into. How they separate high calibre applicants when there's very little difference between them I have no idea. It's possible that others got even higher on the TMUA.

My nephew was gutted too at the time as he had friends who got into Cambrige (different courses) and I guess he felt like he'd "failed". Fast forward 2 years and he is 2nd year at Imperial and doing well. Lovely serious girlfriend. Had loads of opportunities. I will say that London is extremely expensive. They do give bursaries to home students if your household income is below a certain level.

There is probably no difference between how my nephew is doing, and his prospects, than his friends who are at Cambridge. So while your son may be gutted now, and it's so upsetting for you to see him so deflated, please tell him that it looks like he'll end up at an equally prestigious university and have a great experience. There will be some advantages to where he ends up as opposed to Cambridge. Every institution is unique. Life has a way of taking you where you're meant to be, I think. He hasn't let himself down, he is simply a superstar in a very large pool of other superstars in a very very competitive field and just didn't get picked this time. One day he'll be up for an amazing job against a Cambridge grad, I bet, and he'll be the successful candidate that time. This blip to his confidence WON'T define him, it really won't.

You can be successful in any field without a Cambridge degree

the obsession with Oxbridge on MN is beyond hilarious

My son should be getting his UCAS form in over the next day or so.

He already has 5 As at Scottish higher and applying to Scottish universities so fingers crossed for some positive news

@CurlyhairedAssassin that's really well put - you've articulated exactly how I feel and what I've tried to get across to DS (but less well than you!).

the obsession with Oxbridge on MN is beyond hilarious

Sometimes it comes from the kids themselves, you know, and their parents hadn't even thought about Oxbridge. Happened to me, I nearly fell over when my son told me he wanted to apply for Cambridge. I knew nothing about it, had no idea the application process was so onerous. And I actually was trying to dissuade him from applying thinking it would do his self-confidence no good if he didn't get in and if he did it would be too much pressure to keep up. etc etc.

I did do quite a bit of research once he told me he wanted to apply, so that I knew how it worked and if he wanted to discuss it with me, I would seem like I understood the process 😆

If that would come across as parental "obsession" on these boards, then so be it.

Do you know what, the worry for parents is awful wherever they're applying to as we all just want our kids to be happy. DS2 has picked some sought-after unis for Computer Science, like Bath, so I'm expecting him not to get offers for all his choices. I'll be happy if he gets a couple of offers before Christmas so can relax a bit. Till mocks. Then summer exams. Then results day. Then first day at uni. Then when he doesn't seem to ever go out. Then when he DOES go out. Then when he doesn't seem to be liking his course. Then when he DOES like it and seem to be working too hard. Then when there is no mention of girlfriends. Then when there IS a girlfriend and the worry goes to wondering if they're getting too reliant on each other and not focussing on work as much.

Flipping heck, no-one tells you this stuff at toddler group! 😂

Too Travel's son is doing computer science which is an excellent in demand degree. Obviously anyone could be successful, just as anyone could fail.

I hope your DS gets offers through soon Curly

@CurlyhairedAssassin thank you so much for the thoughtful words, such a balanced point of view. And to your point, I also really didnt want DS1 to apply. I had my own views , including courses outside of his top picks but ultimately it was his university application.

Out of all the applications he made, Cambridge is the only one we have no connection to geographically so like you sayz it probably wasn't meant to be!

Good luck with your offers 👍

@CurlyhairedAssassin you've just echoed perfectly my state of mind at the moment (& onwards) - is it the right course and place, will she get offers, then the worry about getting through exams and onwards and I had the same conversation with a friend last night, I just want DD to be happy. This hit definitely isn't in any of the books so we do what we can to get them through it

I can relate to this too. There’s always another thing happening for them, which causes us worry.

Sometimes I think I’m living vicariously through my DS. Somehow the things happening to him, make me feel stronger emotions than the things happening to me. It’s odd. My DH is much more relaxed. He says he doesn’t have to worry about these things because I do enough worrying for us both. I know I’m probably over-invested. I try hard not to helicopter and leave sorting the details and decisions to DS, but it all takes up a lot of my mental headspace. It’s funny because I have friends who don’t think about or worry about this stuff at all….their view is that the kids are young adults and so everything is up to them and they have backed off in practical ways and also in terms of worrying about the details.

For me, I’ve felt I had to understand the UCAS process myself, the timescales, deadlines etc. I’ve wanted to visit some of the unis with DS (he was very happy about that) and I will keep track of the exam timetable this summer, keep an eye on when driving test availability is etc etc. Other friends don’t know anything about he UCAS process and are just leaving it all to college/school and the teens. They don’t seem to have a need to know. Not saying either is right or wrong…just I notice a difference.

Question is, when DS is late 20s or older, will I still be thinking about his happiness and the cycle of things coming up that might impact him? This year and the coming phase is thrilling for them and exciting for me too….but also exhausting somehow. Surely in the past, parents of adult children had backed off emotionally more by this point??

I am exactly the same @CurlyhairedAssassin and @WombatChocolate
It's exhausting and I really hope the worry starts to diminish but sadly I don't think it will.
I know my Mum really worries when there is something going on with any of my siblings.
In my next life, I want to come back as a man as I really doubt they lay awake at night worrying about this stuff.

@WombatChocolate @CurlyhairedAssassin @spacechimp79 I am exactly the same. My mental load with 4 children and a full time job is crazy. My husband doesn't worry about any of it and doesn't seem to get it. I would love not to be like this but I am... my mum is quite similar though and still is now!!

I could have written (most of ) your post- in fact I was just so thankful for reading it

I have an DD 21 final year degree and DS heading into Uni and I just feel sometimes I am a helicopter parent. I know way too much about her dissertation topic and I was similarly invested in his EPQ. I am so anxious about what lies ahead for them. She's shortlisting Masters and we've just being through UCAS and US uni's. I cried when my DS got his first offer RG, where he looked up briefly from his PS5. Part of the anxiety stems from the fact my husband died 3 years ago and that loss really knocked us, so I feel like nothing else must go wrong for them.

Many of my friends just look at me confused when I talk about deadlines and grades required, and I do feel maybe I am doing too much and that could actually hurt the kids independence.

Nice to read these comments and know not alone. I’ve found this stage of parenting very intense.
I think as long as you are aware it’s their decisions and you are supporting that’s not helicoptering.
If I was making a decision where to live for 3 years, or where to spend £70,000 or which job to apply to I’d not do it alone I’d speak to my husband.
So eg yesterday we went to look at a Uni as we couldn’t get to open day. She booked us on tour, checked in and spoke to tour guide. I accompanied and booked train. All other teens on the tour were accompanied, that seems to be norm now.
I point out opportunities and remind her but try and leave organisation up to her.
There’s a natural blurring as she’s applying for degree I did and field I work in. Very frought PS time, I knew nothing apparently!
I do encourage public transport use, phoning and emailing herself. She works pt which has been good for her.
We live in a nice area and she’s at a grammar. Some parents are extremely involved eg arguing grades with school, micromanaging revision. Won’t let them go to nearby cities or use public transport.
I’m trying to avoid that but still be supportive. It is definitely extra mental load.

Ah, no thankfully we can't argue grades -his school are so clinical about it and I think I am quite realistic about both kids potentials.

I only started letting my DS go on public transport last year but that's because we are a super minority where we live and have had a couple of not great discriminatory experiences.

But yes good to read I'm not alone!