Didn’t think I was going to cry, I’m not a cryer and I’d managed to get all the way home

[Disappeared]

after dropping dd off at Uni other dd was in car and I ask what they fancied for tea, “Pizza” so I called into supermarket before getting home and auto picked up 2 large pizzas for the 4 of us and realised we don’t need 2 large as there’s only 3 of us and swopped one for a medium while wanting to cry I managed to get home and now the pizzas are out the oven for Strictly and I can’t stop crying god it’s hard how did it not realise I was going to end up like this. I’m just going to get pissed balls to it

I don't have children but I'm welling up reading these stories 🥺

Be proud of your lovely independent children - no matter what path they choose you've given them the best possible start. 💐

@CinnamonApplePie I would try to travel up to him rather than him coming home. Plus he only has until next weekend before his mates arrive. He needs to keep himself busy.

Ds tried to look at all the positives so rather than this is a shit room, more like remember how I felt when I had an offer from this uni. Remembering the achievements on results day. He also went for a couple of walks a day to get out of his room and did bump into people, loads just saying hello etc. Went to the shop just for something to do even though he had all the food he needed.

It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed, have imposter syndrome, feel like you will never make any friends. His feelings just tell him how much he loves his home and his family. His mates will be here really soon and then it won't feel as lonely. Ds had mates from his sixth form who were nearby and they did all come together which helped, even though they had all probably moved on from each other that familiarity in a strange place helped settle Ds.

@Disappeared I kept getting 4 plates out for dinner and then putting one back. That physically hurt my chest at the time. It gets easier but the first few weeks are hard for us parents I feel. Just getting used to them not being around.

You can usually get a pro-rated refund if not a full refund if they can move another full year student in.

My daughter is doing an art foundation course so still at home this year, but seeing all the drop off posts in WIWIKAU and I feel teary already! My son has already left but my daughter and I are super close and spend the evenings together so I will be bereft. The house will be so empty!

@CinnamonApplePie i absolutely understand you want to make this better for him but he is in fight or flight mode. Going up so soon to see him will just trigger thoughts of home. Newcastle is a brilliant city & Uni give him time. Is he looking into joining any societies?. Staying in a premier inn like Alan Partridge will not be as good as living with other students I promise!

I read somewhere once that the homesickness can kick in at about week 3, and the best thing to do is visit your student and not allow a home visit.

When DD went to university we were also trying to sell my late MIL's house which was about an hour away from where DD was, so we had to visit the area quite frequently, and often tied it in with a lunch trip out with DD.

The dark of night is always hardest. Can he specify exactly what's wrong? Has freshers started yet? Or is it lectures on Monday.
It's going to be ok. It takes time one and it's hard. If they haven't particularly travelled independently or been away from home, lots of students struggle in the beginning.
Is he in halls or a flat? Could he suggest they all get together for pizza maybe?
It's so hard hugs to you both.

He’s a bit better this morning. We’ve figured out where he needs to go for various induction activities this week. He will also meet his mentor and personal tutor. They’re going on a field trip to the Lake District next week which helps them make friendships.

Hope it’s just the wobbles!

That's sounding more positive.

That’s brilliant he has a field trip to look forward to, shared experience is the best way to forge friendships. He’ll have old school friends to catch up with soon too…he’ll be reet.

Everyone tells you that you will have an amazing time, they forget to tell you that starting anything new Uni/ job/relationship is absolutely nerve wracking in the beginning.

That's good news @CinnamonApplePie
I really do empathise. It broke my heart to see how lonely and like a fish out of water my very shy and sensitive son was at the start of term last year, especially when the received wisdom is that everyone has a ball when they start University, enjoys the freedom etc. But I would urge you, hard as it is, not to to make any immediate plans for him to come home or even to visit, unless you feel he is really at risk re his mental health of course. In the next week or two once lectures get going he will get busier, meet lots of new people and things will almost certainly look very different. My DS found Freshers Week really hard going as it was so focused on parties/alcohol and he doesn't drink or enjoy that kind of thing at all. But once the real term got going it was a great deal better and he met more people with similar interests, joined a few clubs and so on. Does your DS have any hobbies? There will almost certainly be a societies fair in the next week or so when he can find a club for an existing hobby or try something new. Also, encourage him to spend some time in the communal areas of the halls and to leave his room door open if he can. I can guarantee he isn't the only person feeling like he is and it's a lot easier to start a conversation with someone if they are not behind a closed door all the time. Reassure your DS that he is not alone, that others will be feeling just the same and that it is ok and quite normal to feel like this, but that he needs to allow some time for the dust to settle before he makes any big decisions.

veryone tells you that you will have an amazing time, they forget to tell you that starting anything new Uni/ job/relationship is absolutely nerve wracking in the beginning.

Spot on.

We have dropped off too and it's brutal. Closer than oldest DC but that doesn't help much. Noone else in flat so far. I'm sending odd short message, what is everyone else doing?

The uni shared a YouTube video of a previous field trip and it looked like fun. It has helped reassure him so, hopefully, he will be fine once he has met course leaders and other students on his course.

He was really looking forward to going. Had spent his own money (from his part time job) on bits and bobs to take. Reality hit a bit yesterday!

I have to go through this in 3 years time with my youngest (and only child at home) who has already announced she’s going to British Columbia (Canada 🇨🇦)!!!

@MrsAvocet
Yes, I think he’ll be fine once things get busier. He isn’t really a party guy so freshers week probably isn’t for him and it doesn’t help that his two school friends aren’t coming up until next weekend. I’m sure he will be fine.

Yes, he has said he is upset though (still). It’s early days but he will love Newcastle!

Haha this!! Dropping DC off for 2nd year on Friday - we’re all ready for it 🤣

Just got back today from dropping him off and I can't stop crying. He's my best friend but he's so independent- he actually doesn't need me for anything. He's the baby too so the house feels so empty without him already.

, @Inca22 . Two days in for me and I just hate the way the house feels without her. I know it was the right time for her to go though and she's having a great time.

@ZittiEBuoni why doesn't anyone talk about this and prepare us!? I am so happy at this new phase for him but I guess I'm realising that our relationship will change for ever from here.

Took my oldest DS on Saturday, he was so happy and I'm happy for him but it's such a change, now it's just me and DD at home. He's called and texted and has been having a great freshers week though, but I have to keep stopping myself texting and checking in.

@cinnamon, I hope his field trip goes really well!
Dd2 had a better week this week, but came home for friends 18th- oh the drama! Lost her purse, missed the bus, missed the next bus by being in the wrong place, had to get a bus and then 2 trains, and was texting me all day in a panic! Of course all fine in the end! But now she is "dying" of freshers flu (which she generously shared with all of us while home for 1 night ..)
Still, she's made some friends now!

Yep...I was in no way prepared for this. DD had a gap year and due to surgery was here most of it. I'm bereft without her, crying etc. The house is so empty and I just feel so sad. Suddenly hate WFH. Delighted for her, she's happy with flatmates which is great and of course I want her to have a wonderful time but it just seems so hard.

Hope all the kids settle in, and feel happy with their choices.

Sorry I made so many of you cry I’ve been back to my normal unemotional self since Sunday and Funtime Frankie (dd) is having a great time making the most of Freshers which doesn’t surprise me it’s when reality of workload etc kicks in that I’m wary of for her she’s the laziest last minute merchant you’ll ever meet with a fantastic skill of finding endless excuses but this is her first opportunity to study only something she’s passionate about so let’s see she may be a changed woman 😂