Didn’t think I was going to cry, I’m not a cryer and I’d managed to get all the way home

[Disappeared]

after dropping dd off at Uni other dd was in car and I ask what they fancied for tea, “Pizza” so I called into supermarket before getting home and auto picked up 2 large pizzas for the 4 of us and realised we don’t need 2 large as there’s only 3 of us and swopped one for a medium while wanting to cry I managed to get home and now the pizzas are out the oven for Strictly and I can’t stop crying god it’s hard how did it not realise I was going to end up like this. I’m just going to get pissed balls to it

Eldest went last year. I didn’t sob in front of him but had a heavy heart over the next couple of weeks. Youngest leaves soon. I don’t know if it will be better as it’s my second time or worse as I will have an empty nest.

It is so hard when we are perimenopausal too. And managing all life’s other stresses.

But we know university is generally a good thing. And them having no goals and wanting to stay home might feel worse.

It’s possible to feel excited and proud for them as well as being heartbroken and missing them like crazy; these are not mutually exclusive. As long as we encourage and support them through their journey, then it’s ok to feel sad privately. We brought them up for 17/18 years and leaving someone you love so much is bloody tough!

I promise it will get easier. When dd first went to university I cried for days, absolutely inconsolable, dh and Ds (aged 9 at the time) thought I’d lost the plot. It was horrendous. Dd and I are very close and I felt I’d lost my best friend. I didn’t let her see me cry, I waved her off happily and then broke down when I got home. I’d hear songs on the radio and burst into tears. Honestly it was dreadful.

Now - she is about to go into year 3 (leaving this week) and I’m fine with it. They actually spend a LOT of time at home, Christmas, summer is months long, they have reading weeks, then they’re finished before you know it and if they’re like dd they’re back home again - she’ll be working and trying out the next stage of her life. I’m actually weirdly liking having the house to ourselves now. I love her to bits but there’s less cooking to do, less washing to do (and no I don’t want her to do those things when she’s here because it interferes with my timetable of doing stuff, I’m funny about things) and I enjoy the peace of having the house to myself a lot when dh and Ds are at school / work etc.

You will be okay. I promise.

My son hated freshers week last year. He said there was nobody like him at his university. He is very socially confident but could not find anyone to talk to. Our hearts broke for him. Nobody had their doors open and it felt claustrophobic. He had fomo and could hear others laughing and chatting outside his room.

We had a late night family chat halfway through freshers week. We told him that we loved him but even by my own protective standards, it was too early
to give up on it all and rush home.

The rest is a cliche. Things got better. He found people on his corridor he liked. He ended up having the time of his life, laughing, spending most of his time in cafes (messing around not studying 😳!) and has just moved in with five of his hallmates.

He is quite mature and reflective and thinks at the start, people were trying to portray a different side to themselves than the ‘real’ them. And also others needed time to get to know him and see his own particular brand of humour.

Things turned around. Unless you are worried about your son’s health or safety, I would discourage visits home or premier inn stays just yet. Put a date to go visit him in a couple of weeks but I would not encourage him to come home quite yet.

He should give it a chance. It’s so heartbreaking I know. These kids are lucky to have parents they can confide in. Imagine the poor kids who don’t have that support. Good luck. X

Sobbing about reduced food purchases: Did exactly this when I realised I didn’t need to buy as much milk. If it’s any consolation, I’ve got one away and one who’s just finished their degree and it does get easier - the one who’s home now spends his time with his head in the ‘interesting’ food cupboard and I secretly enjoy that whilst telling him not to 😊

Newcastle is a fab place to be a student, I'm sure he'll love it when he's settled in. I was a student at Newcastle and loved it so much I'm still there 30yrs later. When my DD1 was applying, she said her and her friends were all annoyed they already lived here as it would be such a great place to come to 😂

We've advised DD to stick it out for a month before coming back. We've planned something nice together for a month's time. With the caveat that this is always her home and she can come back anytime of course but it's better for her to tough it out through the bumpy bits.

We'll see.

Thanks for the person who recommended wiwik - I'd not heard of it but I've joined the Facebook group and it's comforting to see everyone's stories.

My daughters both went to Newcastle. I don’t remember crying when I left them there but I do remember the jolt of surprise when I found myself tearful at the oldest’s graduation 3 years later. This beautiful, independent, healthy woman striding up onto the stage to receive her degree. That was when it hit me that she was truly grown up and I had helped her on her way. I felt the same for her sister but it was less of a surprise that time.

Both of them had some issues in the early days but persevered. Newcastle is a wonderful place to be a student.

No, never heard of it. What is it?

I do think things will get better. I think I’d have felt the same tbh and my heart sank when I saw his room (very small and had a damp smell to it - we did get some air fresheners to freshen it up). I commuted to university and stayed at home so I could always ‘escape’ at the end of the day but I know I missed out on the independence and student life - something he wanted.

Ahhh, that’s lovely! Newcastle is a great university and certainly has a good reputation for engineering (that he is doing) but it’s getting through these early days that’s difficult.

I’ve got 2 afternoons off this week so I may nip up on the train to take him for tea and a chat.

I know he’ll love it. It’s the early days of feeling lost, I suppose.

Thank you! Hope things have settled down.

Jeez I just got all teary just reading the thread.
I'll be a mess when my youngest goes in 4 years

Wiwikau is What I wish I'd known about university. There's a website with forums that looks quite quiet but the Facebook group is busy

I went with my son to Worcester yesterday. I feel utterly bereft today.

I’m incredibly proud of him, he deserves this so much. He has ASD and I adopted him when he was 8 and so far behind he was is special school. He went to mainstream secondary school and then to college.

He is a very brave and has grown up to be an amazing young man. We have been through so much together and are exceptionally close.

I have a 12 year old foster child with me now so will have my hands full but right now I feel like my right arm has been chopped off

Oh god, tears have started again 😢
She doesn't go until next Saturday!

Solidarity and support for all those parents/ careers and DC who are having a wobble right now 🌺

Menopause really doesn't help either🙈🙈

@CinnamonApplePie it's a Facebook group called what I wish I knew all about university https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiwikau/?ref=sharegroupp_link&exp=8ce3

Can be a bit OTT but there's some really good posts too.

Oh my heart goes out to all you that are struggling because this was me a few years ago! DS went to uni about 5 hours away and as we drove away, he was walking down the little road that his halls were in and he looked so lost. I remember crying the whole way home (DH was driving) and every part of me wanted to turn round and go and get him.

I had the sad texts in the middle of the night and the, 'I don't like this mum' which broke my heart but he soon settled and the 2nd year, he walked down that same road with one of his mates and I felt so much better!

He had an amazing time and loved the socialising the experience! I hope all your young people will settle too!

I remember having a wee cry when I son started school and then I went up the supermarket and I saw a mum with her teenage son and a shopping trolley with a kettle, toaster, cutlery, mugs, food supplies etc in it and I thought that’ll be me one day and I wanted to cry again at the thought, I mean, he’d only gone to school and look at me and one day he’d be leaving! (I was emotional that day lol) And last year it was. I threw myself into all the organising and buying bits and bobs and when I dropped him off I was so excited for him. Then I got home and looked at his wee bed and all I could see in my head was him as a toddler and I cried my eyes out! He’s in second year now and I’ve actually ended up with a really lovely relationship with him, sending each other daft TikTok’s etc and he messages and stays in touch off his own back quite a lot … after his first couple of months of almost cutting me dead 😂 I was fine after the first night but I did sit on his bed and cry that night. It’s because it feels like the of an era and you know things won’t go back to the way they were ever again. He’s actually never off the phone now when I think about it asking how to do this or that or how to cook something. It’s nice! I feel for everyone who has their baby heading off this year.

I second joining WIWIKAU on Facebook. I found it very supportive.

I’ve sent a request to join.

I'm dropping DD off this afternoon. I'd been fine until a thunderstorm woke me at 4am and the first thing that entered my mind was the line 'Daddy, our baby's gone' from the Beatles song 'She's Leaving Home' and now I'm barely holding it together. So thanks a lot for that, subconscious.

Just about to set off to Newcastle to take my son. Trying to hold on to the tears. He took a gap year so had him for an extra year but now it'll just be me and the cat 🥲.

He's really excited though so trying to be strong for him. I remember sobbing on the driveway when my eldest went to Uni at the other end of the country (his Dad drove him. Long story about why I couldn't go but that's a whole other thread). He has barely been back since he left. He stayed in his Uni town and really only comes back for a few days at Christmas now. Makes me feel a bit rejected although he's happy for me to go and visit and has been known to invite me to stuff in his town.

I'm menopausal. I don't think my parent's are going to be around for much longer. Just such a huge change ahead.

@CountTo10 this is how I feel.
Menopausal and so far from my own parents.