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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Didn’t think I was going to cry, I’m not a cryer and I’d managed to get all the way home

136 replies

Disappeared · 16/09/2023 18:51

after dropping dd off at Uni other dd was in car and I ask what they fancied for tea, “Pizza” so I called into supermarket before getting home and auto picked up 2 large pizzas for the 4 of us and realised we don’t need 2 large as there’s only 3 of us and swopped one for a medium while wanting to cry I managed to get home and now the pizzas are out the oven for Strictly and I can’t stop crying god it’s hard how did it not realise I was going to end up like this. I’m just going to get pissed balls to it

OP posts:
Poblano · 16/09/2023 22:36

@CinnamonApplePie that must be tough. Don't rush into any decisions, he might still settle. It's a big move and lots of them feel quite lost at the beginning.

Mine are going into the second year and the final year next week. Eldest clicked really quickly with his flatmates, but second one took a little longer to find his tribe.

DeadbeatYoda · 16/09/2023 22:38

@CinnamonApplePie
Is it his first night? Does he have a common room to go to. There should be some freshers reps there or older students waiting to help people settle in.
It's such a tough move for many of our young adults but the Uni's are used to homesick students and do offer lots of help. All the best.

CurlewKate · 16/09/2023 22:40

I remember absolutely howling as I drove down the M1 after dropping dd off. It was 8 years ago and I still remember how it felt!

Setyoufree · 16/09/2023 22:43

@CinnamonApplePie that must be so hard on you both. When do lectures and clubs start? Don't place too much emphasis on finding friends in your accomodation, I didn't have any mates in my halls. I got adopted in the first few weeks by people in another hall down the road and they were all lovely.

Clafoutie · 16/09/2023 22:47

CinnamonApplePie · 16/09/2023 22:26

Not going good here. DS has just phoned, in tears, as he wants to come home. He really is upset. No idea what we do if he has to come home - especially with the accommodation contract. He could travel in by train, which would be a chew on each day, but he’d probably have enough to stay in a Premier Inn one or two nights a week (which he’d probably prefer).

This really isn’t going well.

I’m so sorry about this, and keeping my fingers crossed things start to feel better for him soon. It can be so very hard at the beginning, but hope some of the posts on here about people eventually thriving give you and him some strength Flowers

Fluffypiki · 16/09/2023 22:48

We dropped our DD to Manchester yesterday ,I cried a little bit because she cried when we left but I am excited for her, she is such a good girl. She was pleasantly surprised with her bedroom and she seems to get on well with one of her flatmates. What I didn't see coming is DH, he is not coping well, quiet, teary and quite upset, she is his little twin, they finish each other sentences.
I feel more sorry for him than her, she will have fun I think.

Original poster
Disappeared · 16/09/2023 22:52

CinnamonApplePie · 16/09/2023 22:26

Not going good here. DS has just phoned, in tears, as he wants to come home. He really is upset. No idea what we do if he has to come home - especially with the accommodation contract. He could travel in by train, which would be a chew on each day, but he’d probably have enough to stay in a Premier Inn one or two nights a week (which he’d probably prefer).

This really isn’t going well.

Oh I’m sorry this must be hard for all of you

OP posts:
SoIinvictus · 16/09/2023 22:54

@CinnamonApplePie oh bless you both.
I think possibly the first night is likely to be the hardest as presumably organised events and welcome stuff doesn't start till Monday.

Is he self-catering? Maybe just even hanging out in the kitchen would help. Someone will show up that he can talk to.

Lantyslee · 16/09/2023 22:58

Dropping DS1 off in the morning. He deferred after a year out so he's older than other freshers and has had two years away from education, his mental health is also pretty bad.

I've got no idea whether it's going to be a shitshow or if it will be good for him to get out of the house and interact with other humans. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow evening but probably relieved he's doing something with his life...

TheHouseElf · 16/09/2023 23:16

In the same boat. DD moves to Warwick Uni next Saturday so this is her 'last' week with us. Feeling the dread of it already and worried for her. She's a complete introvert and has been getting so anxious about meeting and dealing with new people.

Sadly her accommodation isn't great and she'll be sharing with up to 17 others. Its her worst scenario and she's desperate wants to move somewhere else but can't apply for at least a month, and has to hope a vacancy comes up somewhere else on campus.

Hawkins0009 · 16/09/2023 23:23

@Disappeared
its understandable op, all the best and positivity

Isittimetoretire · 16/09/2023 23:25

Mine are 4 and 1 and I'm tearing up reading this😢i went in to give their sleepy heads an extra kiss

Champagneforeveryone · 16/09/2023 23:40

I'm like OP, not a cryer and proud to have fostered a robust sense of independence in DS (my only)

I did well, I was supportive and encouraging and left him at his uni accommodation last September with him in high spirits and me "suffering with my hay fever"

I had not been 5 minutes in the car when Heart or Magic or whatever it was my car had tuned itself to (DS and I have a shared driving playlist which disappeared when he took his phone with him) played "slipping through my fingers" by ABBA. I was utterly inconsolable, and ended up paying a fine for venturing into a bus lane in order to dry my tears 😬

I dropped him back for his second year last week and the whole process was much less traumatic 😉

clary · 16/09/2023 23:52

ahhhh this thread is making me tear up! And I haven't even dropped anyone as DS2 is my only uni baby and he has been there all summer (going into his third year and just a few days with us between accomm dates).

@CinnamonApplePie I promise it will get better - get him to go to whatever is happening tomorrow and do it - even if he never sees those people again. You have to put yourself out there but I know if is hard for so many. Hope it works out for him.

@SoIinvictus great post - "we have given them wings" love this <3

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/09/2023 23:54

Just wanted to say, it is incredibly hard, particularly the first few days and there's no doubt that many tears were shed each and every time one of them went.
But
it really does get better very soon.
Especially if you can meet up at half term (reading week).
But you also have Facetime etc, which keeps you in touch and before you know it they will be home for Christmas. Its 10 weeks.

Once you get past that, I promise you, it gets easier and easier. Especially when you hear all the fun things they are doing.

So keep going. It will get better. Promise.

Mammamiammamia · 16/09/2023 23:56

CinnamonApplePie · 16/09/2023 21:40

Just home after dropping my son (eldest) off at Newcastle Uni. It hit him when he got there how real it was. He’s leaving his girlfriend behind too which upset him. His room is a bit crap - not what we were expecting from photos so he’s a bit disappointed. He was tearing up a lot. He’s messaged to say the people in his room are nothing like him and he doesn’t like it.

Hoping he’ll settle!!

Which halls is he in? My DS1 is in Windsor Terrace and has barely met his flatmates. Hasn't stopped him having a good time so far!

crumblingschools · 17/09/2023 00:03

It certainly made me think about how my DM must have felt when I went to university now we are empty nesters with DS starting university a couple of weeks ago.

He is an introvert and he hasn’t gone to any welcome events (although lectures are running at the same time so has met other students that way). A few times he had been the only one in on his floor as everyone else were out doing different things. He seemed quite content though doing his own thing (whilst I was fretting at home)

nancy75 · 17/09/2023 00:05

We dropped DD in Cardiff on Wednesday (I’m in London) both DH & I have really struggled (Dd is fine & enjoying it, thank god)
The house suddenly seems just flat, quiet & empty without her.
It’s a difficult feeling, the biggest part is proud of her but a little part of me just want her to come home

Mammamiammamia · 17/09/2023 00:07

@cinnamonapplepie I can't pm you as I'm on the app and can't go to the computer without disturbing the entire household, but pm me with where he is and we'll see if we can sort something out. Ds1 was a bit lonely on Friday and, through a chance conversation with an old friend managed to get him together with another Fresher. They had a great evening.
It's not easy is it?

Pallisers · 17/09/2023 00:09

CinnamonApplePie · 16/09/2023 22:26

Not going good here. DS has just phoned, in tears, as he wants to come home. He really is upset. No idea what we do if he has to come home - especially with the accommodation contract. He could travel in by train, which would be a chew on each day, but he’d probably have enough to stay in a Premier Inn one or two nights a week (which he’d probably prefer).

This really isn’t going well.

Cinnamon, just talk him through tonight. My dd1's university had a fabulous parents day where they walked us through things like this (along with "my roommate is having sex with her boyfriend in the bed next to me - and other questions). It is very very common. he isn't alone. Dropping dd1 off both her younger sister and I cried in the car on the way home and said "it's like dropping a puppy off at the zoo and saying "you live here now"" but the next day it was better. Just hang in there and try to talk him through one day at a time.

pompomdaisy · 17/09/2023 00:17

Oh god. My youngest turned 18 yesterday and I felt sad thinking that's it next year she will be off. We are particularly close so I'm not sure how I will get through it.

301963Laurie · 17/09/2023 00:20

My three all went to Uni a few hundred miles away in different directions. I chose to get the train home on my own so I could just compose myself quietly without having husband in car ! I definitely found not hanging around for too long helped ,so the they could get chatting with their new flatmates.
Fair to say my youngest is now off to Vancouver for his graduate job soon …am definitely dreading that but happy he is achieving his dreams.
Just ensure that they know that you are literally at the end of the phone and they can call anytime 💕

caringcarer · 17/09/2023 00:40

When I dropped my DD off for first time at Uni I helped her unpack and sort out her room, waved a cheery goodbye, drove around the corner into a car park and cried for 20 mins before I felt safe to drive home. It gets easier. Now I laugh about it.

TogetherWeLearn · 17/09/2023 00:47

When we look back on our own Uni experiences it’s with nostalgia for the fun times that we had once we were established there. You tend to forget the first days & weeks before you had met /solidified those friendships. I’d pretty much forgotten that I moved accommodation in the first term as a room came up in my course mates flat so I moved there. I can’t really remember my original flatmates now, they were nice enough but I knew I’d have more fun escapades with the ridiculous new friends I had made, and we certainly did!

It’s natural to be homesick and apprehensive, it’s a huge life event to leave home and move away. It’s worth remembering that everyone is in the same boat and there’s a new city/ campus/course to explore & it will all start to feel more familiar once they find their feet in s few days.

caringcarer · 17/09/2023 00:51

Try to get them to stay at uni every weekend until Xmas. It's weekends they mix and bond. If a child comes away every weekend it means the other kids bond with out them so they get left out. Telling my DD to stay at uni over a weekend she wanted to come home after 3 weeks broke my heart but as it turned out she went out and met a new boyfriend. 12 years later they are married with 2 DC.