Didn’t think I was going to cry, I’m not a cryer and I’d managed to get all the way home

[Disappeared]

after dropping dd off at Uni other dd was in car and I ask what they fancied for tea, “Pizza” so I called into supermarket before getting home and auto picked up 2 large pizzas for the 4 of us and realised we don’t need 2 large as there’s only 3 of us and swopped one for a medium while wanting to cry I managed to get home and now the pizzas are out the oven for Strictly and I can’t stop crying god it’s hard how did it not realise I was going to end up like this. I’m just going to get pissed balls to it

We sent our DS1 off in the pandemic to study overseas - he left at the height when permissions were needed to fly and the airport was controlled by the military. Honest to God the hardest thing I have ever done. I cried for 6 months.

Ffwd my second child left home a few months ago. Leaving just one at home.

I thought it couldn't get worse. On the crying front it is better, I have only cried a few times.

On the oh my God the house is like a mausoleum and I have no idea who I am and what the next chapter holds for me as a person in my own right. Honestly I am at sea. So very odd.

I am dreading DC3 leaving.

Nobody tells you about this part. The worry, the hope, the pride, the missing them - all rolled into one big mess.

Dd1 now in 3rd year. When I first dropped her off I cried all the way home! Felt like I'd left my baby on the steps of the hospital! And it was me who encouraged her to go, having had a great time at uni!
Dd2 wenr 2 was ago. Settled her in and....cried all the way home!!
I miss them. I know its the right thing they'll have a great time yadda yadda, but.....I miss them! And I worry about them.! Dd1 was so unsettled at first, but is now great! Dd2 having a bit of a hard time settling, but I'm sure she will.
It's so tough. We've gone from a family of 5 to a family of 3,and only a couple of years till ds goes too!
I'm happy for them, and I want this for them, but it still hurts!!

@cinnamon, we've had a lot of drama with dd2 in the last 2 weeks too, don't despair! It's not easy for them, but he'll find his people and it will be OK x

Sorry you are left sad. It is a big adjustment at first. DH and I did find ourselves looking at photos around the house ... and asking ourselves where those little ones went.

It is quite exciting to see how they've changed a bit when they do come back - and so rewarding to see how each little ship really can sail :)

I don't even have DC and this thread is making me cry too!

Ahh, the menopause, it's the gift that keeps on giving 🙄

Best of luck to all parents and students 💐

I’ll be putting mine on a big elastic leash! I don’t think I could bear this.

I remember my brother driving away for a job down south and my mum breaking her heart. I didn’t get out of bed to see him off and now I feel bad about it. Although we had said our goodbyes the night before and we were very close.
Now I understand how my mum must have felt.

I was in a similar situation last year. My DS took quite a while to settle and make friends and didn't seem to have anything in common with his flatmates at all. He was basically going to lectures, doing his shopping in Tesco and otherwise sitting alone in his room for at least half the first term. It's a good job he is at a University a long way from home or I think I would have just driven down there, scooped him up and brought him home on more than one occasion. But he did settle. In fact he ended up staying on after the end of the year to compete in an inter University competition with a club he eventually joined and next week he's moving into a house with several of those flatmates he has absolutely nothing in common with 😁. It's a big change for everyone. It's natural to be anxious and not everyone has that riotously happy Fresher's Week everyone talks about. But the beauty of University is that in most places there is a massive variety of people and so many different things to do, so whilst it might not be instant most people will make friends and settle in. Hang on in there and encourage your DS to do the same.
That said, I probably will sniffle a bit when my DS goes back next week as I have really enjoyed having him home for the Summer. But I know he'll be ok.

He’s at Portland Student Village. He has two school friends going to Northumbria Uni but they’re moving up next weekend. They’re staying close by but it’d have helped if they’d been around last night.

It’s not looking good as he was really upset last night. He has already had a year out and Im worried he’s going to walk away from this.

Very outing but dd2 has just moved into halls and dd1 is doing 3rd year. I'm currently in a hotel down the road with dh asleep and me worrying all night as its nothing like dd1's uni and quite rundown we didn't get to see it before hand and the hills omg ! She has knee issues. I have no idea how she will cope . Or me that's both of them gone and I've spent 20 years being, counsel,taxi,cook and organiser. What do I do now ?

@CinnamonApplePie and anyone else who's kids are struggling. I hope it settles soon. But also there's a million ways to do this. And no one way is right.

My ds has been taking himself there by train and coming back for stuff. So far his flat is empty. He's been out of education and he's so confident. But he's seriously wobbling. I think he'll be ok because he doesn't rely on friends and likes his own company. But he's worried about getting bullied. Which I think is pretty unlikely.

My dd was fine. Doing all the freshers stuff. Had a job and a placement she adored, and she'd dropped out by Christmas. I hadn't expected it. She's very mainstream in her socialising shots, tik tok, bottomless brunch etc and had already lived away from home.

It's so hard as a parent. So so hard.

42 years ago my parents delivered me to my new university hall. Moved me in, all very positive, nice meal out, great advice, presents.

When the time came, Dad drove away rather fast but I still saw Mum collapsed sobbing in the passenger seat.

Ten years later, Dad had died a few years before, and it was Mum who helped me move into my first little flat.

When the time came, she drove away, sobbing.

We will never forget either moment, they're etched on our memories.

@ouchyoubiteybugger ime you pretty much do all that but from afar

Oh cinnamon, poor him and you. I dropped my eldest off yesterday too. We are in a similar situation in that she's not.that far away and has a friend from home moving to the same city (different uni and halls) next week.

She's been very up and down. She surprised me by being really nervous and having a sob when we left, after being so excited in the preparations. 3 of her flatmates had come down earlier than her and seem to have already hit it off so I think she's feeling on the outskirts a bit despite them inviting her out with them last night.

She went for part of it but came home early. She's not a big party animal and I know she's worried this might prevent her making friends.

I'm trying to walk that line between supporting her but not being overbearing. I feel like I haven't had the emotional space to miss her yet, I'm too busy worrying about her.

I'm hoping from tomorrow when the Freshers activities are on she'll have stuff to do, opportunities to meet people outside of her flat and feel a bit better about it. Fingers crossed that'll be the case for your boy cinnamon, if he can just get through this weekend, things might seem brighter in the week.

Thank you by the way to all the experienced mums offering reassurance, it really helps.

Thanks all. I’m hoping he feels a bit better this morning, when he wakes up. I did say to him he could catch the train home and go back up Monday. I think it would’ve been better if his two friends had moved up at the same time. I hadn’t realised they weren’t moving up until the following weekend (different uni but accommodation is across the road from where my son is).

I know we will have to pay for the accommodation for the rest of the year. He needs to either stick it out or look
at his timetable and see if he can come home a bit earlier for the weekend or something - to break it up. He actually said to me he thinks he should’ve got the train (he gets free train travel, fortunately, as his dad is a railway employee) and stayed in a Premier Inn a couple of nights a week (would be cheaper than the student accommodation). Too late, I think! We could consider this for next year though but it would be tricky to book up so far in advance.

I really hope he feels better today!!

My DS is going to Warwick next Saturday too. I went there too ages ago. Please tell her not to worry about the accommodation. I am not extroverted and was in halls of about 18 but it was great. Lots of people to choose who you ‘click’ with and if you don’t really get on with anyone in halls then they’ll be people you like on your course.

As a fed up and frazzled mum of a 1 year old I found this very heartwarming, sorry if that's a bit offensive.
Very very sweet. Your child is lucky to have a mum like you.

DD (naturally nervous/anxious) was really wobbly at start of first year, didn't gel with housemates, took a while to settle in. Threw herself into her studies. She found friends on her course and then that friendship group collapsed right at the end of the year.

She is starting second year now and is very positive about finding new friends (joining some new societies for example) and about her course; living in an HMO with 5 others she doesn't know. She's grown up a lot over the past year, in a good way.

Not so teary here as still have DC at home but I imagine I'll be in floods when it's an empty nest! Good luck to everyone!

Dropped DD off at Manchester yesterday and managed not to cry until actually back in the car when Radio 2 started playing James Bastard Blunt at that concert thing singing Goodbye My Lover and the one about three wise men and it remained me of Gwen and Bryn driving back after dropping Stacey off in G&S. DH thought I had completely lost my mind.

Touch wood, she seemed ok when we spoke last night. I hope the sad DC settle once they start to meet more people and find their feet. It's so hard when they're upset, even if they're actual adults.

@CinnamonApplePie are you on wiwikau? There a few feeling the same and they match the students up with others.

It's so shit when they have a wobble bit hopefully he will be feeling better this morning.

I can't wait for dd to wake up and message so I can check in on her. Mobile phones are a blessing and a curse. You have a blow by blow account of every up and down so it's hard to switch off.

Freshers Week/Welcome Week can be really hard for the non-party types. DD perked up a lot once classes/lectures started the week after that!

I think it’s such early days that you need to tell him to stay for a month and if he doesn’t like it then you can discuss
many kids get a real shock, it there’s so many like that and they mostly all find their tribe eventually
ask him what he’s done

1. leave his bedroom door open with wedge all the day time- open invitation for people to pop head around door and chat
2. go for meals at union or other communal places - sit next to other small groups of 1-4people and introduce himself
3. get conversations going by asking questions “where’re your from”, what course, why that course, what societies are you joints , what music etc. talk to everyone he meets.
4. join in freshers week to the max. Join anything and everything that’s remotely vaguely interesting- he doesn’t have to keep it going more than 2-3 weeks but going to 1 or 2 meetings per group he will meet people
5. he has to be brave. He has to push himself. he has to make the first move. It he also needs to realise that at least 50% of people he meets feel just as scared, unsure, as him and want to run back to safety of home.
6. He should make himself aware of the “change pathway” psychologically, where we all struggle with change and go through stages. What he’s feeling is normally- fear, and that’s because of the unknown. He doesn’t know anyone, he’s doesn’t know how stuff works at uni, etc etc. it will get better if he rides out the low point of the change curve. There’s lots of variation on this change curve- here’s one

https://www.ekrfoundation.org/5-stages-of-grief/change-curve/

We’re a few years behind this as eldest is in y10 but I’m in bed in tears thinking of this coming in just a few years. You sound all sound like brilliant parents and I’m sure they will all find the right path. And @CinnamonApplePie I’m rooting for your son and hope he settles soon.

All kids are different

My eldest was really ready for uni. And I was ready for them to go too. There last year at school was a bit of an independence war frankly, so the relief was massive. He was always independent, although not necessarily very social. Butnhed had some trips away from home during school like a French exchange month, a weekend university taster course in law, etc. I shed no tears, I knew he’d be fine, and we were both excited. I knew from when I went to uni, that I shouldn’t hang about. I’d prearranged a code for him to say when he was ready for me to leave - he was chatting with his new falt mate in kitchen within 6 mins of arriving, and gave me the code. we left immediately - he came to car and a quick hug and he was off

my younger one I was more concerned about. He was independent, but less so and a bit shy . But I needn’t have been worried, he’d seen how his brother has handled it, had the right expectations (helps if younger ones go and stay at unis with elder siblings for odd weekend and see the good side of uni life ). I did well up a little in the car home for a few mins - gave myself a shake and I was fine

in truth I struggle more with them these days. Both late twenties. They live and work 100s of miles away, so we don’t get to see each other very often (it was no different for me though with my parents when I started working ). I am so excited to see them, and get a bit 😢when I leave them or they set off home . But then they’re such nice adult humans now - when they were at university I’d frankly had enough of them by end of each holiday - human brains are still developing until mid twenties and they’re not yet fully human imho- they can be self centred, self focused and still lack Empathy or the ability to realise I was not there to do all their domestic shit. I really really coudnt wait to get them back into uni at end of some of their holidays 😱🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣