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Original poster

Shared housing: another housemate took DD's room

273 replies

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 14:11

DD is due to return to uni next week into a shared student house. The rooms had been allocated by lottery. However, one of the other students has moved in early and installed herself in DD's room. She is refusing to move to her own room. DD very upset by this. Landlord wont' get involved. Any idea what we should do?

OP posts:
Maireas · 15/09/2023 17:51

So many posters saying exactly the same thing. Getting rid of the woman's stuff and putting a lock on the door.
It seems to be the most common response on here.

AliceOlive · 15/09/2023 17:53

Maireas · 15/09/2023 17:51

So many posters saying exactly the same thing. Getting rid of the woman's stuff and putting a lock on the door.
It seems to be the most common response on here.

In her 90s, my great grandmother didn't like that her children had sent over household help for her. She grabbed the woman's purse and threw it out the front door, then locked her out when she went out to get it.

I suggest a version of this.

WeirdBarbie · 15/09/2023 17:54

@IsleofSkies Ahhh gotcha.

OP - ignore my suggestion!

Maireas · 15/09/2023 17:54

What? Throwing this woman's purse out of the house? I don't think that will help.

Pink39tree · 15/09/2023 17:56

BreatheAndFocus · 15/09/2023 17:46

Turn up with your DD and assorted relatives and simply install her in the room. Verbally wipe the floor with the CF girl and start putting her stuff in the hallway. Get a lock put on the door of the room and make sure your DD locks it every time she leaves even if it’s only to make a coffee. Enlist the other house-mates to put pressure on this CF to leave. She’s shown herself to be untrustworthy and underhand. She’s not a good housemate.

If you do this, I bet the CF will leave as soon as she can.

I would do this, get as many family members as possible to go on move in day and move your daughters stuff into that room that got stolen regardless.

We did the same at uni, everyone picked the name out of the stuck with it. Would of been mortified if anyone moved themselves in regardless! Albeit we had agreed a reduce price for the “bad room”

Can’t believe how many people saying tough and it’s a life lesson! doing nothing would be a life lesson on how to be a pushover when someone steals something that’s yours!

Maireas · 15/09/2023 17:57

It's not stealing.
It's rude and cheeky, but not theft.
I don't know why people think harassment is any sort of solution, but that could be why there's so much conflict around.

StoneWitch · 15/09/2023 17:58

longtimelistnerfirsttimecaller · 15/09/2023 17:26

This exact same thing happened to me when I was a student. I moved her stuff, she moved it back, I moved her stuff, she moved it back. In the end I let her have the room but to make it ok in my mind I also pissed in her shampoo first. Maybe suggest this?

👏👏👏👏

Ginmonkeyagain · 15/09/2023 17:58

Well I think what we are more saying is she has to deal with it herself. That is the life lesson. Your parents can't rescue you from every awkward situation.

If that is the worst she has to deal with as a young house sharer she will have got away very lightly!

Wiii · 15/09/2023 17:59

I would tell her to set up a group chat saying if she's not given the room she's been allocated she won't be moving in and they'll all be jointly responsible for covering her rent for the year.

It's going to be a horrible experience anyway living with such a selfish cow.

MrsMara · 15/09/2023 18:02

Maireas · 15/09/2023 17:12

So many, many posts now saying "move her stuff out and put a lock on the door", I've lost count.
Is that a solution, really?
Initially, couldn't she talk to the woman about it?

The young women took a room that wasn't hers despite being part of a room allocation lottery.

I suspect 'talking to her' won't much matter.

OP, I would be inclined to encourage my daughter to go early and take next best room in order to shift madam bolshy. It is massively unfair and I would hope my dd wouldn't let it go.

Catsfrontbum · 15/09/2023 18:06

Message the girl and say- is this a wind up- we agreed to the rooms. If she won’t budge suggest your Dd has the room first then they swap at Christmas? Offer a suggestion. Ask for the other girl the best way to resolve it. If she is stuck on staying in the room you can either..

forcibly move in and remove her stuff

take the other room and be stoic

don’t take the flag at all and find an alternative and tell the room twat she will
have to figure out the rent surplus with the others.

PattyDuckface · 15/09/2023 18:07

It's really simple. Just acknowledge that some lottery participants may have confused the way it works.

Get your DD to send the following email to every housemate -

Hi all,

can't wait to meet you all. I will be moving in on (insert day).

As we agreed to the room lottery previously and know which room we have I just want to check no-one has misunderstood how the lottery works and taken any room on arrival under the mistaken impression we run the lottery when we are all present.
If you don't know which room you got allocated speak to (insert main contact name here). I for one am not up for doing the lottery again, it was nerve wracking enough the first time.

Thanks 🙏

DD

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 18:10

Pink39tree · 15/09/2023 17:56

I would do this, get as many family members as possible to go on move in day and move your daughters stuff into that room that got stolen regardless.

We did the same at uni, everyone picked the name out of the stuck with it. Would of been mortified if anyone moved themselves in regardless! Albeit we had agreed a reduce price for the “bad room”

Can’t believe how many people saying tough and it’s a life lesson! doing nothing would be a life lesson on how to be a pushover when someone steals something that’s yours!

Show quote history

What sort of life lesson would getting your Mummy to go and act as a heavy to forcibly evict the cheeky one be?

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 18:14

She should get the other housemates onside and move the other girls stuff out of her room and into the room she was allocated. She could say to the flatmates that she doesn't want to live with such a dishonest and sneaky person so won't move in till its resolved- and won't be paying rent till she moves in. Thus costing them all more.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 18:15

Maireas · 15/09/2023 17:54

What? Throwing this woman's purse out of the house? I don't think that will help.

No. She said "a version of this".

RandomMess · 15/09/2023 18:21

We always agreed prices from the room so the crap ones were cheaper.

Ranked which ones in order of preference, some chose the cheaper ones.

Maireas · 15/09/2023 18:28

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 18:15

No. She said "a version of this".

Show quote history

So what version?

Maireas · 15/09/2023 18:29

RandomMess · 15/09/2023 18:21

We always agreed prices from the room so the crap ones were cheaper.

Ranked which ones in order of preference, some chose the cheaper ones.

Yes, that's the better solution, isn't it.

smittenkittens · 15/09/2023 18:30

Don't let your daughter be walked over by this girl. I agree with the suggestion of bringing some friends/family along to reclaim the room and put a lock on the door.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 18:56

Maireas · 15/09/2023 18:28

So what version?

Show quote history

Erm.....a version of this that is suitable to the situation....? For example, put her belongings out the room. The specific 'version of this' is up to the OPs daughter to decide.

My point is, no, no one said putting the girls purse outside was the answer. I'm not sure if you're deliberately understanding here in an attempt to be awkward?

Maireas · 15/09/2023 18:57

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 15/09/2023 18:56

Erm.....a version of this that is suitable to the situation....? For example, put her belongings out the room. The specific 'version of this' is up to the OPs daughter to decide.

My point is, no, no one said putting the girls purse outside was the answer. I'm not sure if you're deliberately understanding here in an attempt to be awkward?

Show quote history

No, I'm just clarifying the purse comment.
Please don't get personal.
No need.

LuluBlakey1 · 15/09/2023 19:03

Maireas · 15/09/2023 18:29

Yes, that's the better solution, isn't it.

Show quote history

Could have done that before but not now. People have their rooms at agreed rent. Hardly likely to now agree to pay more rent, especially CF, to compensate OP's DD. Anyway OP's DD wasn't saying that when she had the nicest room.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 15/09/2023 19:06

If it’s a student house there’s probably locks on the doors already .

TizerorFizz · 15/09/2023 19:11

Quite simply: two wrongs don’t make a right. The DD has found out the girl who got the less desirable room doesn’t want it. Chucking out her stuff won’t help. It’s just bad behaviour compounding the initial issue. The tenancy agreement will be with DD. Nothing to do with the op. If she gets involved it’s a complete no no. Many uni cities don’t have glorious rooms available now for DDs flouncing out. So she’s almost certainly in this house and learning lessons very quickly. Of course she can keep her ears open for another room elsewhere and could threaten that but the contract probably means she’s liable.

This will come down to other dd isolatjng herself because no one likes her and an ugly atmosphere all year. The likely outcome is a rent reduction but will the other 4 agree. Or do a room swap between semester 1 and 2.

3teens2cats · 15/09/2023 19:12

Op has said the room is not any smaller or worse condition it's just the downstairs one. Depending on the layout of the house it could be noisier or further from the bathroom maybe. If there is no specific room lease then the room hasn't been stolen. So whilst the situation is annoying and goes against what was agreed, it need not be the drama it is turning into.
It will be the first of many disagreements and conflicts which are normal in uni house shares. She has to learn how to navigate twats like this. You can't swoop in and rescue her. Has there been a genuine misunderstanding? Are the rooms numbered? How did they identify which was which? If she had drawn that room herself in the lottery would she have just got on with it? Or been annoyed or disappointed?
If it were my child (and I've had 2 navigate student housing) I would advise them to rise above it and take the other room. Save your energy for dealing with sharing kitchen space, fridge shelves and paying the gas/electric/WiFi bills.

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