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Original poster

Shared housing: another housemate took DD's room

273 replies

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 14:11

DD is due to return to uni next week into a shared student house. The rooms had been allocated by lottery. However, one of the other students has moved in early and installed herself in DD's room. She is refusing to move to her own room. DD very upset by this. Landlord wont' get involved. Any idea what we should do?

OP posts:
Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 16:15

Yes, that's the way she feels - even if we storm the room and reclaim it, it won't be a nice place to live.
We're looking at the options to get out of the contract and find somewhere else. Just a shame that it'd DD moving out and not the other.

OP posts:
Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 16:17

I'd agree, though, that getting everyone else to actively call out this behaviour would be the best route.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 15/09/2023 16:17

It may have been better if the nicest rooms were more expensive. When DC graduated he was initially earning less than his friend but they wanted to share so DC took the smaller room and the flatmate paid a larger percentage of the rent.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/09/2023 16:17

I'd definitely suggest a house meeting and being clear about how unfair it is. Hopefully the other housemates will put on pressure. Ask her publicly how she thinks it is ok.

Other than that, she'll have to put up with it and make different choices about who to live with next year. Never live with someone you can't trust.

I think that taking someone else's room is probably going to make the situation worse.

When I was a student, I've probably have planned my revenge for when she thought she'd got away with it.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 16:19

LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 16:15

Yes, that's the way she feels - even if we storm the room and reclaim it, it won't be a nice place to live.
We're looking at the options to get out of the contract and find somewhere else. Just a shame that it'd DD moving out and not the other.

How easy will it be to get a place in another shared house at this stage?
Not very, I imagine.

thinkfast · 15/09/2023 16:21

Would your dd and the others consider asking the cuckoo to leave? Presumably if she starts off being this selfish, it will only continue? Would they be able to find a replacement for her?
If not, can your dd find somewhere else for herself and sublet the room?

Alternatively, they can make things unpleasant for the cuckoo. Perhaps she doesn't want to be friends with them, so they can exclude her from nights out, shared meals, treats etc. you could start the ball rolling my providing a lovely welcome pack with some treats for your dd and one for each of the other girls, but not the cuckoo.

Does the university have a code of conduct? Could the girl he reported for lack of respect or some other breach?

MikeRafone · 15/09/2023 16:25

If the lottery is now defunked - this means its a first come first pick on bedroom

so dd goes back and picks her room, same for the others

If anyone has a problem they need to talk to the girl in your dds room - as she made this decision

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 16:25

Does the university have a code of conduct? Could the girl he reported for lack of respect or some other breach?
Wow... No.

LilyPond2 · 15/09/2023 16:27

Did the student taking the room agree to the allocation of rooms by lottery? If so, I would refuse to let the matter drop. Start off by approaching the student and demanding that she moves rooms in accordance with the agreement. If the doors aren't locked, I would be inclined to take matters into my own hands and simply move into the room allocated by the lottery. Take the student's duvet and pillow off the bed and make up the bed with own duvet and pillow. Sit in the room and refuse to leave. It's different of course if the other student didn't agree to the lottery in the first place.

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 16:27

She did agree!

OP posts:
Meeting · 15/09/2023 16:28

The girl who's taken the room is a bitch.

If you let her get away with it then it just sets her off to believe that she's better than everyone else in the house and has no regard for them.

Personally if all others are on side then I'd tell them to collectively tell her to move room or move out.

thinkfast · 15/09/2023 16:33

Does the university's accommodation office have a mediation service they could use to resolve it?

Original poster
LostInTheWeeds · 15/09/2023 16:34

I don't know, but I doubt it. I'll certainly check.

OP posts:
WeirdBarbie · 15/09/2023 16:34

I’d word a group message from DD:

”hi all, I was really looking forward to moving in with you all but I’m afraid the actions of * have made me feel really uncomfortable and I don’t think living with them is a good idea. Please consider this message my 3 month notice. “

TizerorFizz · 15/09/2023 16:36

@LostInTheWeeds I would be careful about some of the advice here. DD being able to find a room elsewhere could be virtually impossible and turfing the baby out with the bath water. She probably needs to stay and negotiate a rent reduction, albeit with hindsight which isn’t great. It’s a lesson in learning what you agree to and fairness in the first place.

This situation is going to cause an issue all round and she will feel aggrieved but, realistically, what can she do? Flounce off or negotiate. I can see why the others are keeping their distance. Presumably they want an easy life!

Posters seem to think all Dc are friends in house shares. They are often pragmatic arrangements. Mates of a tenant take a room to make up the numbers. People drop out and others you don’t know very well slot in. They are not necessarily all big friends from last year.

Few student houses are room by room rentals. They are normally the whole house and students are all liable for all costs. So if someone leaves, the remaining students are liable. That’s another reason why getting rid of the transgressing student is also an issue. They also probably won’t go and who would come in? It would be a 4 way split of rent in a house designed for a 5 way split. So very difficult. Forcing them out is not an option. So I think it’s negotiate a rent reduction. And make new house mate friends.

Zwicky · 15/09/2023 16:38

You can’t just give 3 months notice if you have signed a 12 month contract. You can try to get a tenancy takeover ( which would mean the others sharing with anyone the OPs dd can find) or breach the contract which means the LL will come after all of them fir the shortfall in rent.

Gcsunnyside23 · 15/09/2023 16:41

She can advertise for a replacement tenant, the landlord won't care who takes it on as long as the room is filled. I would ask the other flatmates to support telling her she swaps back or she leaves and if she doesn't relent then your daughter leaves. I don't think the rest of the girls will be happy with potential randomer staying so might help pressure her to swap back

CCTVcity · 15/09/2023 16:41

Unis sometimes get involved in house issues. It’s a pastoral issue and some will come to the house and do mediation. I don’t know whether they would at this stage as it’s quite minor but its such a dick move and is an omen of things to come. She’s going to be a fucking nightmare!

And yes I do know people who managed successfully to get housemates removed. With landlord and uni help.

IsleofSkies · 15/09/2023 16:42

Are you taking your DD to uni?

I'd go and speak to the other student and ask her to move her things out.
If she refused, I'd be tempted to move them anyway. Assuming you can get into the room.

What a bloody cheek.

It doesn't bode well for a harmonious household does it?

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 15/09/2023 16:44

jlpth · 15/09/2023 15:51

Housemate meeting - all agreed to the lottery. Peer pressure for the CF to get out of that room.

This housemate is going to be a nightmare though. Imagine having the front to behave like that.

This

IsleofSkies · 15/09/2023 16:44

I'm with @LilyPond2 on this.

Some parental involvement is needed

Student welfare won't get involved in stuff like this when it's not in halls.

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 15/09/2023 16:45

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 16:05

Oh, come on. No, she's not very likely to be spitting in op's dd's milk, or shitting in her sugar bowl.
Your thuggish responses say more about you, really.

Show quote history

I would say that is very likely.

Yours sincerely, Thuglife

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 15/09/2023 16:47

This girl is going to be an absolute nightmare to live with - whether she gets away with it, or not.

I mean this girl has got the absolute cheek to shit on your dd who she doesn't even know.,.., and right to her face

So she absolutely IS going ot be doing the more covert shit like spitting in milk, taking loans out in DD name, generally bulling the fuck out of her, cos she's got some balls

perfectsoundwhatever · 15/09/2023 16:48

What! That’s mad. A similar thing happened to me when I studied abroad (I didn’t know the girl), except my room was significantly worse than hers for the same rent. I complained and was offered either a rent reduction or a move to a different flat (which I took). I assume 2nd or 3rd year - could she find a room in halls or another house share? She could stick it out a month or two and a few people are bound to move around/drop out of uni so rooms become free (harsh but true). She can use that time to look for a replacement tenant on Facebook/Spareroom.

Also check the tenancy - if she is on a sole AST (doubtful but hopefully) she’s not responsible for the other tenants if they don’t pay the rent. That should also make it easier for her to move out without being responsible for others’ rooms/shared areas.

IsleofSkies · 15/09/2023 16:48

It doesn't work like that @WeirdBarbie
The lease is usually signed by all the sharers. Often their parents are guarantors to cover absconding or failing to pay up.
It's a legal agreement with the landlord.

If someone moves out early, they usually have to find a replacement, or carry on paying their share of the lease even if they are not living there. OR all sharers can agree to shoulder the deficit and pay more, each.

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