DH is limiting Y12 DC to universities in the north due to ££££

[BatteredHonda]

DC is in Y12 and wants to apply to KCL, Bristol and Exeter - alongside other unis. DC will qualify for minimum maintenance loan and we are therefore expected to top up/pay the accommodation. We struggle to make ends meet as it is so DH has said DC canNOT apply to southern unis - let alone London ones. He is recommending Leicester, Newcastle, Swansea, Belfast etc instead. DC is furious but I do get where DH coming from. What are your thoughts?

Can you not agree an amount you will top up and DC choose where it is spent?

I agree with this.

No DH shouldn’t limit him but DH is thinking practically.

However if DS has his heart set on a place then it is up to him to work out if he’s going to spend all of the money on just accommodation and therefore for money for extras for food and luxuries etc or if he’s going to go somewhere cheaper and therefore he won’t have to stress about money as much.

Depending on what he wants to do then there are so many good unis around that he should look into.

I think there are some brilliant Unis up north. I think you need to look at each choice and budget accordingly because I know London is very expensive but I am not sure you need to do much "draw a line" as to where they can and can't go. Unless you are specifically looking for somewhere that they can live at home with you.

If they want to go to uni somewhere and the budget won't stretch they will just have to get a job. Your money only goes as far as it goes at the end of the day. I went to uni in London and had a job the whole time I was there, very little contribution from parents. Lived fairly comfortable but I didn't have much time off (the same could be said for me working and living as a graduate in London to be fair!)

You can only put in what you can but for your DS future they should really be looking at what uni and course is best for there subject and future career so they can go on to make money after!

Crazy that none of your sons friends are working! Most people I know had a job from age 16 onwards and managed their sports and interests around their jobs. I happily flipped burgers while in college and never needed a penny from my parents!

Mine manages at one of those Unis on the max loan amount. So if you are prepared to top up to that level he should be fine.

It isn’t all about cost, value counts too. If he has the grades for those Unis his money is best spent on the most reputable courses in his subject.

They can get a bar or other job a couple of evenings a week, work in the long summer break. Work this summer and save.

He will be fine!

I think make clear what you can contribute and then he can decide.
My dc is yr 12 and at top achieving grammar and she and most of her peers work. It’s done her good and doesn’t interfere with studies does 1 or 2 short shifts a week.
Even if he can’t work weekends they have holidays - they were off 2 months after gcse. What’s he done at half term? If he’s sporty then things like lifeguard and sports camp staff pay ok. He’ll have over 2months off this summer to build up funds.

I don't think this is true.
Particularly if the sport isn't matched with a degree from a well respected university.
I could see rowing or cricket being a useful add to degree from Durham etc if you are trying to get a certain type of job but usually I don't think it is going to add much.
One plus a job is likely to be better than two and no job for employers.

What about suggesting Durham, Warwick, York, Manchester, Leeds & Sheffield.
All great Unis and none are down south. Suggesting unis that are lower in ranking than he has suggested seems strange.

If he has good predicted grades is his subject well regarded from Leeds, Manchester, Sheffield or Nottingham?

I wish my Dc had picked one of those over his expensive city (though very sought after Uni with high grades demanded), but having discussed all the pros and cons and looked at relative costs and what we could contribute I stayed out of the decision . And Dc is really enjoying the city and course.

Suggesting unis that are lower in ranking than he has suggested seems strange.

Not necessarily. A lot of parents who haven't gone through HE themselves won't necessarily have a clue about university rankings - why would they? It's only obvious to those who know.

Warwick isn't north, York, Leeds and Durham will probably be more expensive than the initial choices

I think many students are limited by where they can afford to apply to.

Some students don't get the opportunity to go to university at all for that very reason.

Your son needs to decide what is more important to him, his sports or university.

Likewise his course choice.
What career path does he envisage?

You are a family of limited means from what you write, so it is not unreasonable for your husband to be realistic as to what help can be offered.

Reading History and focusing on his sports, and not even contributing to his upkeep with a part time job, would not endear him to a lot of employers IMO.

I know of a couple of very senior HR people that cull CV's on that basis and would say they are not alone in that, it being a common stratagem.

For many people looking at CV's that are all largely newly graduated, a prospective employee that has held down part time work throughout university shows that they have had one foot in the real world by funding themselves IMO.

Flipping burgers may not impress you, but sticking at a pressurised job with unsociable hours in a hot uncomfortable environment takes guts and commitment IMO.

Similarly low paid retail work in a client facing role tests a person and helps them learn skills that they may not have.

My privately educated children have part time jobs in university and they have learned a lot from them.

Do they enjoy working part time and juggling it with their studies?
Absolutely not.

Have they learnt time management, the value of the money they earn, how hard you have to work in some jobs for a basic wage? Yes they have.

Do they think dealing with the public is a PITA....absolutely.

Working in a part time job matures a young person and increases their confidence by virture of the financial independence it brings.

All of my children's friends from school, at University with them, have part time jobs.

If sports are a key areas - Northumbria in Newcastle is probably a close second to Loughborough in that regard.

There seem to be more and more of these posts saying how young people couldn’t possibly get a job. Term time jobs at oxbridge are tricky due to the intensity as are vocational courses with placements (as those are effectively jobs) but an arts student has no excuse not to get a summer job (and probably not much excuse re term time either). Someone doing history might only have 6-8 contact hours a week.

I don’t think it does young people any favours at all. I’ve done a lot of grad recruitment and people do get a lot of skills from a job ‘flipping burgers’ as the OP put it. They learn a work ethic, time keeping, dealing with the public, dealing with challenging colleagues. While high level sport is of course a good endeavour, I would not be so quick to discount the value of a part-time job in terms of skill development.

@WednesdaysPlaits . How times have changed! I was at Lancaster 20 years ago and most rooms in all colleges but Pendle were shared bathrooms and cheap. Most halls were knocked down just after I left. It's a shame to hear a lot are now ensuite.

Honestly if you think playing sport at university level is seen as preferred by employers, you’re daft.

its a luxury/hobby.
A job which shows a work ethic and allows him the connections gained in a better university will be more valuable than playing sport for a mediocre uni in a misguided effort to save money.

especially when he’s studying a subject with no defined career pathway

Well I'm glad you're teaching your son that he doesn't have to pay his own way in the adult world 🙄

If your DS is getting the minimum amount, then you need to work out how much your willing to pay towards his accommodation (its rare there will be accommodation where the minimum maintanance loan will cover it all). And then work out how much he will need each month to keep him going.
Depending on the course depends on whether they get a job to contribute. DD1 is doing STEM and its like almost a 45-50 hour week as it is. DD2 is not and is planning to get a part time job.

DD1 is at Lancaster and accommodation is much cheaper by at least 1 grand than DD2s choice for september which is Reading which is more expensive.
I have been to Leicester on DD1 open day and its cheaper. Bristols more expensive I hear and the london ones. Leeds is a good city uni with pretty reasonable prices and Bangor Aberystwyth Chester Edgehill as well.

@BatteredHonda if it's History then the unis your DS has picked are very good choices; the ones your DH has picked, not so much (though I have some outstanding colleagues in a couple of them). If it's a very good uni - any of those three - then a humanities degree like History, or a social science degree, is a route into good graduate jobs (as long as he gets a good degree result, obviously).

I don't suppose he's considered a joint History & War Studies degree? I can recommend it!

Update: after telling DS that everyone here thinks he needs to get a job, he tells me he has already applied for a water sports job at Mark Warner and Club Med this summer 😂. This is news to us.

@TongueTwistr I have lost one from south Midlands up to Yorkshire. She has even married a Yorkshireman!

So he didn’t refuse to get a job and is going finance the difference?

There’s not an issue then is there.

Entirely your DC’s decision where he goes and you should at the very least top up his loan by the recommended amount
You could be setting yourself up for a rift that could last a lifetime

Good news re summer job. With him being a swimmer he should easily be able to pick up well paid lifeguard work or similar. If he saves he will have plenty to cushion him at uni he’s only yr 12.

Your DC needs to apply to the best Universities for their course, especially if predicted top grades. Like it or not, all degrees are not considered equal. The environment is also up to them. It is no point doing a course they don’t want or them going to a city they don’t like. Accommodation can be expensive anywhere. Just give what you can afford and if that doesn’t or barely cover the accommodation, then they can look to start selling things and get a part-time job.

I know it's not up north which is why I specifically said none are down south.
It seems absurd to limit your child to tier 2 Unis when they are capable of top tier.