DH is limiting Y12 DC to universities in the north due to ££££

[BatteredHonda]

DC is in Y12 and wants to apply to KCL, Bristol and Exeter - alongside other unis. DC will qualify for minimum maintenance loan and we are therefore expected to top up/pay the accommodation. We struggle to make ends meet as it is so DH has said DC canNOT apply to southern unis - let alone London ones. He is recommending Leicester, Newcastle, Swansea, Belfast etc instead. DC is furious but I do get where DH coming from. What are your thoughts?

I took both DDs on the great university tour of Britain. In each uni we looked at the accommodation that we could afford and not the more expensive halls.

They then made their choices. Both did STEM degrees so term time jobs were difficult to manage. Both ended up at their unis of choice once they had seen the options, Nottingham and Sheffield.

I think seeing the reality helped them to make choices.

@BatteredHonda has your DS considered Loughborough university? It’s got a good reputation for both history and sports. I don’t know how expensive the accommodation is.

I disagree. Employers are looking for candidates who show initiative, can overcome and solve problems, can work in a team and who can show reflection, learning and growth. They also want all this to be evidenced with examples during interview.

Having a job (including flipping burgers) will be just as valuable in providing those learning opportunities as playing a bunch of sports will. It also shows work ethic because most people enjoy and make time for their hobbies but balancing work and study shows level headedness and commitment.

Your DS could drop a sport and pick up a job while keeping up with his other sports. That would be impressive to an interviewer. He needs to take some financial responsibility for his life decisions.

does he have a career plan OP - history and county level sport suggests he might be hoping for a professional sports career ?

One thing I would say is that whatever subject your DS studies it should be something he's passionate about or wants to study because he thinks it'll benefit him in trying to get into a chosen field. You might not get many contact hours, but it does take time to study, research and revise so what time should be spent on a subject he chooses. Also, it's worth him looking at the modules each uni offers. No point in studying medieval history when he's interested in say recent wartime history.

DD found it impossible to get a job the first year, but your DS should at least be prepared to do a few hours. The second year, he should be able to get a job with uni if he's on the ball and enquires early.

DD's accommodation cost is at the higher end of the scale and her student loan has always just about covered it (£6700). We give her £400pm towards bills, food, travel, clothes (in her case travel home expensive as she's 300 miles+ from home) when she's away from home (not in the summer). She does have a boyfriend abroad, but has to fund travel there, treats out at uni etc - luckily she got a lock down job and store agreed to keep her on a zero hours contract (not normal for the chain). She also does a couple of 3.5 hour shifts for uni (in same short of job but as a Team Leader so a step up).

I would say we always knew she would strive to go to uni, so half planned for this in terms of not over committing ourselves in past years. Up to you, but I'd review what you can afford to give him, and make it clear that that's the maximum. If he's going to uni, it's part of growing up and also he needs to take on board costs as part of that. One thing that might be worth doing is an xmas job as that means he only has to miss sports for a few weekends, and some stores will offer hours late afternoon/evening.

DS chose a northern university because of this, we said he could go where he wanted as we would help with the cost

What do you want from the thread, op? Myself and others have shared how our dc manage it and it’s mostly through getting a job. You said you and dh struggle for money. It’s just me supporting dd at Bristol on minimum loan and so she’s had to work throughout a levels and now at uni whilst going a stem degree. She has a good social life and hobbies still but balances these with the need to work. That’s a great lesson in life. Her course is full time - history won’t be. She doesn’t even get reading weeks. I’ve also had to save for last few years to supplement her.

This.

Plus, one of my dc plays her sport at a high level (above County) and managed to work whilst getting her 2:1 . She worked in the holidays, at University, and had worked during the 6th form before that.

I think you lost most people's sympathy with your post at the bottom of P8

But it still goes back to putting the choice back to your ds - go somewhere where you can afford to support him, or work out how he is going to fund this lifestyle at a place where his income (from loans and you combined) won't be able to support him.

I'm sure he does - I have a sporty son too and he puts in a lot of hours so I understand the difficulties.
However, the simple fact remains that if he wants to do a course somewhere where the costs exceed what you can afford then he either has to earn the difference, thus dropping at least some of his sporting commitments, or he goes somewhere else where you can afford to fund him to keep the sports up.

• *I do sympathise because we have also been in a similar position. People tend to assume that if you are not eligible for much/any support you must be able to afford it, but it's not necessarily the case. My eldest DD went to a Performing Arts college and many of the courses don't qualify for student finance. We earned too much for her to be eligible for any kind of scholarship or bursary, but not enough to actually be able to afford the costs - her ideal courses would have cost us over half our net earnings each year and even with her working it wasn't feasible. Not without us selling our home and substantially disadvantaging her siblings anyway. So we had to decide which courses she auditioned for based first and foremost on what we could afford. It's a tough thing to have to face as a teenager with big dreams, and not something that any parent enjoys having to say I'm sure, but it's reality. Higher education is an expensive business these days and not everyone can have exactly what they want unfortunately.

My daughter just graduated from Bristol with a masters, its a great uni and luckily we live in Bristol, its a very expensive city for accommodation etc and there is a shortage of accommodation with some students being offered miles away, Newport, Bath etc.

If your son is rowing and competing at sport at a county level, is there any chance that he might qualify for a bursary or scholarship and do his History course where he wants to on the proviso that he also competes. Then he might not need to take up a job while in university?

I wasn't allowed to apply to colleges/universities outside of Dublin when I was applying as my father decided that he wouldn't contribute in any way shape or form towards me living away from home while in 3rd level education. I've never really forgiven him for that.

I'm afraid your DS has lost a bit of sympathy from me too by not being willing to work.

I have a DC in Y12 as well as the two older DC in university. She plays sport too, which means training sessions plus matches every week, but she still has a job waiting tables which she fits around it. The older DC at university don't work during term time (as they haven't found they need to so far) but work all summer and save money for the year ahead.

I think he needs to look at his priorities and work out what's important to him. If he wants to go somewhere over budget then he needs to work out how he will plug the gap.

Unfortunately, I think some schools -especially private schools but some state schools too - seem to perpetuate the myth that employers are falling over themselves to recruit staff who have done lots of extracurricular stuff like sports or drama etc. Perhaps some do, but I've never worked anywhere in any sector that would really place much value on this.

I do think that extracurricular activities are valuable in terms of enjoyment, self esteem, personal development etc, but I wish people wouldn't but into this idea that they're going to be valuable on a CV. When I recruit, I'm looking for someone who will be good at the job. I couldn't care less what they do in their free time!

The father of course has no control at all over where his son applies so the son should go where he wants and work to keep himself in holidays to top p his 4300 minimum loan to maximum of £10k or whatever it is.

I am from the NE but now in London. 3 of my 5 children chose Bristol over Durham (Durham is where my father and uncle went) - they had offers from both and chose Bristol and I was happy with that.

I've done graduate recruitment for most of my (big name) employers and they've all prioritised evidence of work ethic way above sporting achievements. I think it's good that employers are trying to level the playing field for the less privileged kids who had to work to eat or keep a roof over their head rather than the pampered kids who are 'too tired' to get a job.

I used to row competitively at international level. I also worked part time from age 16 (and by uni was working 3 part time jobs to fund myself) including flipping many a burger. No need to be snobby about the son's sports being more valuable than someone who actually has to earn a living.

My 18 year old godson plays rugby at semi-pro level (his father used to play for England) and takes it very seriously indeed. He still has part time job. That was non-negotiable. He's on a gap year now so he can earn some money before starting uni later this year.

But OP, you are saying your DS wants to do sports that will take up all he free time, and that you can't afford to give him much money. You can't have it both ways unless he goes somewhere with very cheap accommodation, and the best unis don't tent to be in places with very cheap accommodation.

It's good that your looking at this now, because if your DSs can't/work through uni then you are going to have to pay, so that means you/your DH earning more money if you can't afford to. Maybe one of you could also get a part time job to fund him?

We'd all like our DC to go to top unis and live in lovely accommodation and participate in sports, but realistically it might mean thinking outside of the box to achieve that.

Sorry with that attitude he can jog on . What a little emperor!!

All three of mine worked weekend and holidays from 16. And holidays through university. That was their spending money. We supported tuition, accommodation and food but not social life.

We did, however check trains, costs, distance, how many changes. When coming home. Some were so difficult/expensive.

As someone said don't rely on cheap accommodation you get what's available.

Also what course is he doing, that comes into the decision

I used to work in HE in an institution that offered quite a lot of sports scholarships. County level wouldn't usually have been enough to qualify for funding... the scholarships were typically targeted at the elite athletes who were already competing internationally. It might not be the same everywhere, but the competition for that kind of thing is often pretty stiff.

History is a well regarded degree. Lots of magic circle lawyers study history, however, they will have studied at top universities. History at Leicester or Swansea won't be as well regarded by future employers. Durham is up North and great for History.

Lost a child to the East Mids after graduation - the cost of living is much lower than home darn sarf.

Give your son the budget you can afford and then let him.decide. help him.with preparing a budget.

Must be his choice but he must make it with open eyes and a good dollop of reality.

I've tried to pursuade dd to apply for local ones so she can live at home. The reality is that helping them to the tune of 5k a year ( that is just for the one already at Uni) is not feasible. It's awful that parents are put in this situation., but who at the moment has an extra 10k sitting around? I know others will say parents should have been saving and I know some parents who have been fortunate enough to put away all the child benefit for years on end to see their kids through Uni but this hasn't been possible for us. Our kids have a bit saved. Eldest ds worked all the way through Uni but we still needed to help him quite a bit as he had to travel miles to get voluntary work crucial to his degree etc.

DS1 is at one of the Uni's mentioned. It isn't cheap but he manages to work during the holidays, do a STEM course and represent the Uni at sport. He has now signed up to a tutoring agency to pick up a couple of hours a week. We could afford to fund him more generously but we only give him a bit over the maximum loan because we expect him to take some responsibility. Most of his friends work too especially during the holidays.

Really? Which ones?

soorts is a hobby. Yes it take hard work and commitment. But he does those things because he also enjoys them. It’s not a job.

Extra curricular sports, don’t pay the bills though. Or it would be a job for him.

Its not going to help him go to the Uni he wants.

I get the feeling that you are hoping he applies, gets in and then your dh agrees to get a loan to help him.

I completely understand both points in this.

Maybe you let your DC know how much you can support and anything above that they would need to supplement with a part time job.

However just because a uni is in the north wont make it cheaper- Uni towns and cities will extort as much as they can from the students.

Maybe its worth looking at subject and unis that they are likely to get in and which are the best for what they want to do.

Often if you take trips and visit places you may find they fall in love with a uni they weren't expecting rather then being influenced by friends.

for History York is fantastic - however York is expensive for students. Lincoln is a fantastically rated University - is surprisingly cheap for a Uni area - plus if they like history its chocked full from roman, Viking, Norman, anarchy, medieval, Tudor, Victorian and through to early modern times with the invention of the tank. It also has a military historical connection with the RAF as well. Its a fantastic place for history and students alike.

I realistically your DC needs to accept that the budget is limited, however maybe give them the choice on how to use this (with guidance) and go take them around a few differing unis