DD has been kicked off her uni course.

[skippy67]

So Dd has just heard that she's been withdrawn from her uni course. Bit of background, she failed 2nd year, retook, and has failed again. She was allowed to enrol for year 3, was given a timetable etc, but didn't receive student finance because her place wasn't confirmed.

She kept all of this from us, until 2 weeks ago!
Any advice please? I'm worried because obviously the situation in and of itself isn't ideal, but she started self harming in year 1 at uni, and was prescribed anti depressants in 2nd year. I'm concerned this will set her MH back massively.

I was a uni drop out! I got an entry level job in a bank and never looked back. The structure and sociable aspect of the role really built my confidence.
Many years later I love my job, I’m senior and I out earn quite a few of my peers that went to uni at the same time. It’s honestly not the be all and end all. She’ll get there.

Did she do the course because she knows what she would like to do for her career?

Ok, so I feel your pain and worry.

Contact Uni and see if she passed enough to get a HNC out of it.

Go onto government website and search up the apprenticeships, see if there is something that she may be interested in. There may not be much until Feb time, but keep looking, and on the likes of Indeed..
In the meantime, encourage her to get a job, but one with regular hours not shift work like fast food joints or she won’t get proper sleep, which will affect her mental health more.

She’s not the first this has happened to and she won’t be the last.
Hope she’s Ok.

How upsetting a d disappointing for you all.She must be feeling wretched!
Welcome her home and give her space for a while, the holiday will be a distraction.
She's young plenty of time to start again, her mental health is all important, all the very best.

If she's passed six of 8 then she should have some points from second year.
I would encourage her to give the OU a phone. They have courses with February start dates.
She may not want to do it yet but it might be nice to have an option should she want to continue working towards a degree.
She could fit it round some work and it may just help her confidence in interviews to say 'full time university wasn't for me but I am continuing my HE studies by......'
What she has done already definitely isn't wasted and she may land herself a better job now than with a degree in a year when the jobs market isn't so strong

Support her, which you will and really goes without saying, and encourage her to do it, the Open University way maybe, as she can work around that or claim sickness benefits whilst doing so. One of the reasons for Open University is that it gives more freedom and the stability of being at home. This is what my 2nd son did and worked for him who has mental health issues. Good luck

The past two years have been extremely challenging for students because of Covid. The whole university experience took a terrible hit - and that meant students didn't have the help and support of new friends and face to face time with lecturers. Your daughter must have had a real struggle and needs bucket loads of TLC. I'm sure you will give her all the love and TLC she needs. I hope she does well.

She's young, reassure her that it's fine - it is fine, lots of people have a sticky start. I had loads of problems when I was younger & eventually I found my way. Trust that she will too
If you're worried about her mental health it's even more important to reassure her that it'll be ok, that it is ok

Why? What difference does that make?

I left school at 15 did a doctorate later in life and now been invited to interview for medicine. Honestly mental health first.

I think maybe it’s for the best that she gives up, unless you are willing to keep bankrolling her or her getting a job. Uni is just not for her.

Universities don’t typically just exclude students without there being an abundance of steps taken first. I speak from a professional standpoint.
it May be that your DD mental health was suffering and she perhaps didn’t attend classes or failed assessments. If she didn’t declare her MH problems at uni, then she can apply for an appeal on grounds that she wasn’t fit to sit assessment but her MH condition precluded her from making the right decision (which would have been to interrupt studies or at least defer assessment until she was better).
if however she declared her MH issues and was given accommodations like extensions or deferrals and she failed her assessments then there’s not much that can be done at this stage.
let her heal, give her time and space. I don’t think that many unis are willing to allow remote online study with no attendance but it may be that there’s a professional qualification she can pursue like that.
Just try to understand why she didn’t tell you about her struggles and make it clear that your love is unconditional.
good luck.

If she's got enough credits to be awarded something (known as an 'intermediate exit award') this will happen automatically at the end of year exam boards. No need to contact the university unless you think, after July/August, that she should have been awarded something and she hasn't. You can look up the required credit's on her university's 'regulations for taught degrees' (should come up if you google). At my institution, the intermediat exit awards are 'Certificate of Higher Education', 'Diploma of Higher Education' or an 'Ordinary degree', depending on how many credits she passed. So if she passed all of first year, but failed all of second year, she'd get a 'Certificate of Higher Education'

ugh, sorry - credits, not credit's!

A very similar thing happened to me when I was in uni. I hated it, self harmed and bombed out and didn't tell my parents. They were angry at first but realised that they pushed me into it. I got a job in administration in a hospital, ended up working in HR, went to uni while working and I am now an Exec HR director in the NHS 26 years later! Uni isn't fir everyone and I wish apprenticeships life they are me were around when I was young as had would have been better for me. Take care of hey for now and as others have said hello hey food something closer to home, and look at professional apprenticeships also. Good luck xx

Poor girl.
Degrees are not everything, theres loads of jobs she can work her way up in.
Better at home, rest re group, plan.
Interests, hobbies, vacancies within travelling distance.
Would she fancy any form of hospital work, crying out for staff, lots train you while you study, loads of prospects, not all are medical, theres ordering, finances catering, dietary, medical records, so many departments great social life they all work hard but play hard, just might give her, her confidence back, and earing her own money at the same time.
Keep reassuring her its not a failure it just wasnt for her.
Ive never understood this yearning for degrees, its simply not for everyone.
Hope she ok OP, she needs her mum.

Kteeb1 ·
Just seen your post, its everything i was trying to say!

Ditto 🤔

I would also consider whether there may be neurodiversity in the mix.
She might be ADHD?
It is really common for bright, neurodiverse people to essentially wing it through school, but come crashing out at University. The executive function issues finally catch up with them.
I know multiple people who have found out they are ADHD as adults, after having spent years internalising the idea that they are lazy, because they didn't know about their neurodiversity and they just couldn't cope with University because they were unaware and lacked appropriate support.

Hi, I agree with the posts that the focus should be on your DD's mental health right now. I appreciate you are disappointed. However your daughter is suffering too. Here is the quote from the Office for National Statistics: "From 2001 to 2018, suicide and injury or poisoning of undetermined intent was the leading cause of death for both males and females aged 20 to 34 years in the UK, for all years observed, accounting for 27.1% of male deaths and 16.7% of female deaths for this age group." Here is the link www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/causesofdeath/articles/leadingcausesofdeathuk/2001to2018.

This was me when I was 20, breaks my heart to think of it. I suffered with mental health at that time due to the extreme pressure of the course and learning to be an adult etc etc I was kicked off and felt so much misery and shame. The shame was also perpetuated by my old classmates and tutors and my parents behaved (they didn’t know any better) as though the world was ending - which added to my feelings of worthlessness. Eventually my parents battled to get me back in a year later and I can honestly say I was totally miserable and though I got the degree it wasn’t worth it. Took years of therapy to regain my sense of self worth. Love her and support her and most of all listen. Please don’t let her know you’re disappointed

My son abandoned the course in year 3, we welcomed him home and were too worried about him to even let him return (he didn’t want to anyway). He had buried his head in the sand but we got him back on his feet.

What does your DD want? Does she actually want to go to uni right now or is she possibly sacrificing her wants and needs in order to fulfill what she believes is expected and required of her?

Let her know that uni isn't the be all & end all & she can pick it back up as & when she wants, or not.

Support her in her decision.

I hope she's in a better MH space after her SH. Huge hugs to her and to you ❣️