DD has been kicked off her uni course.

[skippy67]

So Dd has just heard that she's been withdrawn from her uni course. Bit of background, she failed 2nd year, retook, and has failed again. She was allowed to enrol for year 3, was given a timetable etc, but didn't receive student finance because her place wasn't confirmed.

She kept all of this from us, until 2 weeks ago!
Any advice please? I'm worried because obviously the situation in and of itself isn't ideal, but she started self harming in year 1 at uni, and was prescribed anti depressants in 2nd year. I'm concerned this will set her MH back massively.

This might interest you, although it's pitched at school leavers who didn't get the results they hoped for
www.dyw.scot/nowrongpath.html

She needs to come home away from a situation she clearly can't deal with. Have counselling and find some help for her MH.

One of the most successful people I know got the boot for failing uni - twice. She didn’t have mh issues and she did all the work, she just didn’t pass the exams.

Deep breath, rest, go again somewhere better.

The situation was a little different, but my DD left (= dropped out of) uni after the first 4 weeks. She came back home and was clearly quite depressed; she really felt a failure though I kept reassuring her that she'd taken the brave step in admitting early that it wasn't right for her.

Anyway, what really seemed to help her get her mojo back was keeping busy. She had a month or so to think and come to terms with the situation, then we went in search of anything that would help her fill her time and make her feel good about herself again.

In the end she got a part time job, did some voluntary work and through that got a qualification in a field that she'd never experienced before, did lots of creative stuff and a bit of academic stuff through our local uni. Then she went back into higher education and got a first in a different degree.

So I hope your daughter is OK, OP, but I'd strongly suggest that you help her find ways to bolster her ego by encouraging her to do things at which she will be successful. She'll need to build up her self-esteem again.

Thanks again for all the supportive replies.

Ds2 was similar, only he failed second year and that was it.

He’s eventually come to terms with this as it was all he’s talked about since he was 15. But Covid and lockdown really didn’t help.

He’s now job hunting and/or applying for degree apprenticeships.

they need to find their own path in life. Some find it easier than others, you just have to be there for them and support them in a way they need.

easier said than done. Ds2 has narrowed his field of job searches and has only applied for 3 in the past 6weeks. What an you do???

Did she pass any part of her second year? She needs to know how many credit points she has.
She passed 6 out of 8 modules and the end of year resit exam.

You know what, it seems a huge deal now but I bet this is the best thing. She clearly wasn't happy and although short term it's difficult, long term she can focus on finding what it is she wants to do.

That's far better than plodding on doing what she thinks she should, with all the resulting MH fallout.

Uni isn't the be all and end all.

She is home.

“She passed 6 out of 8 modules and the end of year resit exam.”

she doesn’t sound that far off. Was there any scope to appeal the two failed modules?

It’s probably for the best that your DD has a break from Higher Education and concentrates on her mental health and well-being. Just because she won’t complete the course now, doesn’t mean she can never go back to it. She can go back to another uni, or the Open University, to do anything she wants. There’s no age limit

^^ This is so true. My DD (17) is currently applying to universities and has moments of panic. I keep reassuring her that whatever happens, we’ll figure it out. They’re so young and they’ll find their way. Your DD will too. 💐

Maybe she was self harming at university because she found university so stressful. Now she's left university the related stress has gone so her MH will improve

I don't know. I have lots of questions, but she's not up for talking about it just now. I'm going to leave it for tonight and see how we go tomorrow.

This sounds v similar to student I mentioned. He couldn’t speak to tutor or open any emails from uni (mh) He wrote an authority saying ok to speak to them and once we got in touch with his tutor it wasn’t half as bad as he thought and got sorted. Take it a step at a time. See if she will ok you contacting them to see what position is.

@skippy67 I think she should take some time to work on her mental health, focus on treatment and therapy etc, as that is definitely at least part of what made things at uni more difficult for her than it otherwise should have been. And improving it can only help in every potential future career or course etc.

I agree.

It might be worth your checking the position. My son who stopped year 3 and restarted it the next Sept and got his degree in 4 years, had me look for him at the various rules and i was able to email the university fees office etc.

She sounds as if she did okay really so might well be able to go back in January in some form to complete year 2 or do year 2 work whilst doing year 3 but you need the exact details from the university, copies of their letters that they sent her and emails so you can read every single word they said to see the precise position.

It sounds like she shouldn’t be at uni and should instead be getting medical care for mental health. See what other study/training she could do instead of uni. Another idea would be if there’s a uni or college near to you so that she can live at home which might help her but do ask your GP for advice.

Catching up with a very clever school friend a while ago, it seems that her daughter was desperate to finish her biology degree. She failed her 2nd year twice and had to admit that it was too much for her academically. She came home had a rethink and is now a very successful dental hygenist. Very happy and has never looked back. Higher education just isn't always for everyone. My DS struggled through an engineering degree with lots of retakes. He's now an engineer but often feels he's not quite good enough and perhaps should have done something easier or not gone to uni at all.
I'm sure your DD will find her way. There are so many job opportunities out there for her to consider. In time this set back will seem to unimportant to you all. Poor thing must have been so worried about telling you.

Uni isn't for everyone. Welcome her home and be loving and understanding. Health and happiness are more important that Uni.

Give her lots of reassurance that not completing the course doesn't make her a failure - either in your eyes or as a human being. It may be that the course wasn't right for her, or maybe university isn't right for her altogether? What are her real interests? Does she know what type of job or career she would like? There are many areas of work which either don't require a degree or offer education alongside employment.

The most important thing for now though is that she feels loved and valued - and if she has serious mental health issues, that she gets the help and support she needs.

Was there any scope to appeal the two failed modules?

You might if the published assessment process wasn’t followed. Otherwise, unlikely.

Her mental health is the most important. Just spend time with her, hug her and reassure her that this isn't the end, perhaps that wasn't the track for her and she will find her "thing". Just take time to recover from the strain of failing at two sets of exams and then re-evaluate what she thinks in the Spring. Mental health of students can be very very low. Give her the opportunity to talk when she's ready and hopefully she will tell you everything and encourage her to seek help locally to put her back on the right track mentally. I can imagine how confused you must feel too though. Fingers crossed for you both.

Same story here too. Could have written your post.

When I came back home I had a less than supportive step dad who hated me and I don't know how I kept going with that going on but I did.

As long as you are there for her. Let her come home as others have said.

I came through it and she will too with your love and support.

I am sorry to read this. Trust me she isn’t the only young person to have struggled with MH over the last few years. So she is not alone. Clearly at this moment in time Uni is not for her. Credit must be given to her as she has tried and tired. It is not the end of the world. When I went to school no one went to Uni and we all got on fine. If it was me Uni would not be a convo I would have anymore. I would just welcome her back and then take each day at a time. You sound a caring mum and I am sure together you will work through this. My only advice would be do things in her time and when she is ready.
best wishes 💐