Son (18) Distraught Over Results

[annelovesthebeach1975]

Hello everyone! I have been a longtime lurker of mumsnet for years now but today I have felt the need to finally make an account and post here, as my house has been plunged into chaos by the dreaded A Level results day. As the title says, my son has been absolutely distraught all day over the fact that his a level results were not what he wanted, and he got rejected by his dream uni, Newcastle University, and also his insurance choice, Birmingham. Although he only wanted to go to Newcastle so he doesn't really care about that. He received BCD although his predicted was AAB so obviously everyone was quite disappointed, but my son has taken it absolutely horrifically and it is breaking my heart. For some backstory, from when my son started lower sixth, his teachers helped students start looking for unis and courses during free periods at least once a week. From when my son began researching unis, he's only ever wanted to go to Newcastle University. When we went to the open day last year after he got his conditional offer he was hooked even further. He even knew what accomodation he wanted. He's a smart boy so I wasnt too worried about him getting in. However, after some of his exams he seemed quite unsure of himself, saying he didn't feel like he did a good job. I assumed this was just him overthinking it but now I believe the fact he didn't actually sit his GCSEs because of covid has had a negative effect on him since these were his first 'real exams.' He has been on the phone to clearing all day basically pleading for a biomed place at Newcastle and he has emailed them directly as well, although biomed and many other science courses are not clearing and his grades are much lower than the entry requirements so it has made things very difficult. I am putting on a brave face for him but on the inside I am heartbroken. This summer all he has talked about is what he's going to do when he goes to Newcastle, how excited he is, and how he's so excited for freshers week in newcastle. His eyes are red raw from crying in his room between contacting Newcastle over and over. He is not usually an emotional lad so this is very upsetting for me. I have contacted his sixth form for advice and they basically told me there is basically no chance he will find a biomed place at Newcastle with his grades, which were a shock to his teachers as they all thought he would breeze through his exams. It is looking like he will have to resit his a levels which while it is not the end of the world, it feels like it for my son when all his mates got into their unis, some Newcastle, and will be starting there next month. I am just looking for any advice on how to comfort him because I want him to know that I am there for him, and if there's any way I can get him a place at Newcastle on a science course that is biomed or similar.

If any other related courses at Newcastle are in clearing, apply for them sharpish. If not, check that Newcastle will take resits
I'm sorry OP, its horrible but it does pass

An extra year could be a real gift. All the extra activities and work experience placements and life skills you could do in that year. Often where graduates struggle is that lack of real life stuff and you might flounder when you leave uni. Having a strong foundation of stuff and knowing exactly where you'd like to work, which he could get in the next year, would be a brilliant opportunity

@QuitMoaning

He turn them down, partly out of spite, and did a masters elsewhere, again excelling.

Great to hear how well your son did in the end. However, I don’t understand why your son harboured a grudge against the Uni when all he did was not make his predicted grades or their offer. Especially when he was much more mature and a phD place was being offered. Why did he blame the University?

Calm him down - resit A levels, keep all his notes, he has a whole year to do it and should do some work experience in the holidays related to his passion for biomed. 1 year is nothing in the greater scheme of life - he will ace the exams next time and should just work on making the next year productive. Set backs in life can happen and how we deal with it is what counts. He needs to understand that he can’t let this get him down, but can turn it into something positive.

OP
Yes I agree about clearing courses, obviously he wants to go to uni but he has his heart set on Newcastle Uni so I don’t want to push him into going to a different uni when he can wait a year and follow his original dream.

So why not suggests he tries for biology at Newcastle in clearing. They may well say no but you don't know if you don't try. If he gets a place he has plenty of time to mull things over. There is no harm in doing this as he can change his mind later.

There is often lots of movement between courses between now and the first few weeks of Uni.

Ah op, I’m sorry for how you are feeling. This was me a long time ago. My A level grades were much lower than predicted. I resat in the autumn (don’t know if this is still a thing) and did much better. No idea what went wrong for me. It was devastating. My parents were very stoic about and hid their disappointment well.

I took a year out and while I was sad when all my friends left, I got a job and had fun for a year. Friends came home all the time.

I know your son has his heart set but I ended up doing a different degree at a different uni (I originally wanted law like my dad) but gave myself more time to really think about it.

This too shall pass. I got a 2:1, then a masters, had a great job well paid, had a family, now retired in my early 50s. I can still recall the shock and pain, running out of school having collected my results. But all worked out in the end, as it will for your lad. Deep breaths, it’s going to be ok.

Not much to add but just wanted to say how sorry I am and I hope your son puts this behind him and best foot forward. So difficult for kids this year after covid, they’ve missed out on so much exam practice and timed assessments.

The best suggestion on here is to look for a foundation year or a different Uni.

Wish your son the best of luck.

@annelovesthebeach1975 I just wanted to say you're being a lovely mum

Do they have a foundation year? Does Northumbria do Biomed with a foundation year ? What about Liverpool, Leicester, Swansea? This are all good unis that may take him with lower grades.

Please make sure that you and he fully understand the implications for his long-term student debt of deferring a year and resitting his A Levels. The repayment threshold will be lowered and the term extended to 40 years for students from 2023 - he will make larger contributions and for longer.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/08/reapplying-for-uni-in-2023-could-cost-students-thousands/

Ah, poor lad. I had my heart set on Newcastle University. Flunked and ended up at the poly (Northumbria now). I loved it. It was still Newcastle. He needs to be sure he'll apply himself for resits though.

I’m sorry to hear that your son has not gone the results he was hoping for. It seems that a lot of other young people are in the same boat this year according to the media - but of course this is no comfort to your son at the moment. I agree with you that the fact that A levels are the first public exams that this year group has taken has been especially difficult for them.

A few years ago, we were in a similar position with our daughter, who had been provisionally accepted into Newcastle to study music. Her A level results were good but not good enough for Newcastle. She went to Kingston, her second choice, instead. She was initially disappointed but we told her that second choice does not mean second best. She had a wonderful time there and made lots of friends. She enjoyed it so much that she is now almost at the end of her Master’s degree in music.

l think my advice would be to let him (and you) have this day of disappointment then tomorrow tell him that you are going to have a fresh start and point out the options, which amount to resitting and hoping for better grades and a place at Newcastle next year - and many, many people are at least one year older when starting university - or looking at other options. There are many good universities that offer biomedical science - if you don’t get the grades for your first choice it is not the be all and end all. Also remember - second choice does not mean second best.

It feels like the end of the world at this age with something like this, I really feel for you all, it’s so hard.

i don’t have any practical advice but clearly there are lots of knowledgeable people on here that do, I just wanted to wish you and your son all the best.

Sorry you are having to go through this! It is tough being a parent. You are doing the right thing in supporting him and being understanding about his disappointment. (We have a family tradition of rewarding failure too - it helps!)

He will get through this.

Everyone has disappointments in life and learning how to deal with them is best done young (while you have loving understanding support around you).

When he does get to uni - this is probably going to help him steer to success. He knows that failure is possible. He won't mess up.

Being so set on Newcastle is perhaps not healthy though. 'Dream' university can let you down when it becomes reality.

The advice above is good. Make no decisions today.

Perhaps tomorrow - or in a few days: help him set things out - what are the possibilities (retake/gap year? HND/C and degree - a new choice of uni/will Newcastle accept a retake?/)

I’ve nothing to add, but please give him a big kiss from me.

Last year my daughter missed out on Manchester by one grade, got AAB needed AAA, her second choice was Manchester Met which is almost same campus and she got in there. She has settled really well and made some really good friends, but I know it still rankles with her about missing out on a Russell group place, maybe leave today to be upset, then tomorrow try to rationalise and make a plan, either different uni or resit.

@annelovesthebeach1975 See my post on the general "Disappointments" thread - but TLDR: counsel him to take his time.

He could look at other universities via Clearing, but maybe he needs to take a breath, and regroup. It's better not to go to university for the sake of it. Better not to choose any old university just to go.

There's nothing wrong with resits. And there's nothing wrong with stepping off the formal education treadmill for a bit, either.

I don't get his shock, you don't get grades like his from one exam, he and his teachers would of known this, I can see your shock as he was in denial and led you to believe he was doing better than he was. Tell him to get a trade, just about any trade is good as then he never needs to pay someone else to do that trade. Trades are always short people and pay very well. I should know as I am renovating three houses right now and only plumber I could get was $160 an hour. I can do most of the other stuff myself but the stuff I am not comfortable with are costing me an arm and both legs.

Have you thought about getting the papers remarked, it might push the grades up a bit so he didn't have to retake them all?

How did he do in the mocks? There is a difference between working hard and working smart and Alevel requires specific skills over those for GCSE. If he opts to resit get a tutor to work on answering past paper questions with him - and ensure the tutor has a proven record of exam success. So they can show your lad the difference between his answers and those that would get an "A" Some unis do a "foundation" year prior to formal entry. Also if he discovers an easier subject to get in to that has the same first year course of study he could do that then transfer to his desired course in year 2. Good luck

My niece had similar grades in 2019 - a mix of resits and remarks and she is now going into her final year on track for a first class degree in a science subject … it can be done . Get him taking to school about the way forward

Sending love and a hug to you and DS, OP.
And to all the others out there who are feeling the pain today.
I've been there as a parent when disappointing results come along. Things always work out. Always.
Please tell him that different is not worse, in respect to plans changing. Sometimes it can work out better.
My DSis didn't get her first choice place, she went elsewhere and got her degree and met her husband. And it was not too long after starting that she was very happy that she went to her second choice.

It is horrible when plans don’t work out. However, as horrible as this feels right now it could make him so much stronger in future and put him in a better position for applying again. By resitting his a-levels he has the advantage of already knowing the material and with this extra time being able to get top grades. He can also use the time to try and get some reading lists for biomed courses and start doing some reading in advance, especially in any specific areas of research that Newcastle university have staff working in. As someone who went to university as a mature student who never did a levels and then had alternative assignments in place of 1st and 2nd year exams due to covid the first exam I sat since 2005 were my final 3rd year exams at uni so I can definitely sympathise with just being nervous and out of your element. Your son can still have everything he wants, just not as soon as he wants and that’s ok because with the extra time he might do even better.

It's been in all the newspapers these last few days that delaying going to Uni by a year now can cost student an extra £10,000 but I have not read the details - just seen headlines.

Can he look into a foundation year-does Newcastle do them? My son missed his grades and wasn’t interested in clearing as his uni said they’d take him on a foundation year first. I was doubtful but it was great for him He ended up with a 1st class and then a masters with distinction at a well known uni. He was really upset on a level day. It was a horrible time-but imo, it taught him a valuable lesson. That he can overcome setbacks even though it feels shattering. He has various options now-he can resit next year, he can look at other universities, he can look at other courses. What is it he likes about Newcastle? Is it the party city or the feel of the uni or the course itself? My daughter’s friend missed out on her grades for medicine so did bio engineering at NTU-not where she wanted to go at all. But it was a uni which suited her down to the ground-lots of lively societies and now she’s working for a big pharmaceutical company. Let him lick his wounds for now, then encourage him to look at what he CAN do. Best wishes.