Son (18) Distraught Over Results

[annelovesthebeach1975]

Hello everyone! I have been a longtime lurker of mumsnet for years now but today I have felt the need to finally make an account and post here, as my house has been plunged into chaos by the dreaded A Level results day. As the title says, my son has been absolutely distraught all day over the fact that his a level results were not what he wanted, and he got rejected by his dream uni, Newcastle University, and also his insurance choice, Birmingham. Although he only wanted to go to Newcastle so he doesn't really care about that. He received BCD although his predicted was AAB so obviously everyone was quite disappointed, but my son has taken it absolutely horrifically and it is breaking my heart. For some backstory, from when my son started lower sixth, his teachers helped students start looking for unis and courses during free periods at least once a week. From when my son began researching unis, he's only ever wanted to go to Newcastle University. When we went to the open day last year after he got his conditional offer he was hooked even further. He even knew what accomodation he wanted. He's a smart boy so I wasnt too worried about him getting in. However, after some of his exams he seemed quite unsure of himself, saying he didn't feel like he did a good job. I assumed this was just him overthinking it but now I believe the fact he didn't actually sit his GCSEs because of covid has had a negative effect on him since these were his first 'real exams.' He has been on the phone to clearing all day basically pleading for a biomed place at Newcastle and he has emailed them directly as well, although biomed and many other science courses are not clearing and his grades are much lower than the entry requirements so it has made things very difficult. I am putting on a brave face for him but on the inside I am heartbroken. This summer all he has talked about is what he's going to do when he goes to Newcastle, how excited he is, and how he's so excited for freshers week in newcastle. His eyes are red raw from crying in his room between contacting Newcastle over and over. He is not usually an emotional lad so this is very upsetting for me. I have contacted his sixth form for advice and they basically told me there is basically no chance he will find a biomed place at Newcastle with his grades, which were a shock to his teachers as they all thought he would breeze through his exams. It is looking like he will have to resit his a levels which while it is not the end of the world, it feels like it for my son when all his mates got into their unis, some Newcastle, and will be starting there next month. I am just looking for any advice on how to comfort him because I want him to know that I am there for him, and if there's any way I can get him a place at Newcastle on a science course that is biomed or similar.

I'm dreading this happening next year. If it does I'll be 'retake next year, it happens to lots of people'.

A word of warning about resitting - next year the grade boundaries will be higher, so a result that would have achieved an A this year may well yield a B next year.

www.dundee.ac.uk/undergraduate/biomedical-sciences

I went to Northumbria uni, it was great but it’s not as well thought of as Newcastle Uni

OP, it has been like this since the dawn of competitive university places. It's horrible for him now - but there are gazillions of young people who set their hearts on a particular course at a particular place and end up somewhere else, doing something different - and absolutely love it and are glad it worked out that way. Rather than focussing on Newcastle, I'd focus on what your son can do with the results he has. It's entirely possible that he's bigged Newcastle up so much that he might even be disappointed with it if he actually went there!

I'd encourage him to lick his wounds, have a good cry, then dust himself off, slap a smile on, and get onto Clearing asap, before the remaining places on courses that he might enjoy are all taken. This kind of resilience is just as important going to a particular university to study a particular subject. I've been dealing with the same thing today, btw, with my youngest child, so I know what you and your son are going through!

One of mine missed Durham by a grade, 2 years ago (during the covid fiasco), then they changed their minds and decided that they would make him a deferred offer for the next year.
In the meantime he started a degree apprenticeship, with the intention of leaving to take up his Durham offer if he didnt like it. Well that hasn't happened! 😀 he loves his apprentice role.
He lives away, with other apprentices, he has his degree paid for and a salary of £23k. His company have already given him a job offer for next year with a starting salary of £40k.
Not going to Durham was literally the best thing that could have happened but it didnt feel like it at the time.
See if your DS would consider apprenticeships?

@annelovesthebeach1975
Hi OP. Been there with DD although she got insurance. Then the accommodation nightmare begins!! It’s never ending snd everyone else is so happy. Some of us are carrying!!

i also really get the Newcastle thing. A friend of DDs wasn’t going anywhere else! If he sticks to that, resit. He might feel better when he’s got a plan as long as Newcastle are ok with results. Similar vibe might be Sheffield, Leeds and Liverpool.

Sunderland were advertising that they had biomed spaces for clearing. It's a fab uni. Maybe worth a thought?

BTW, one thing I said to my disappointed DC today is that in the same way that there's no "the one" in romantic relationships, there's no "the one" in terms of universities or courses either. You can be very happy with "a good fit for me at this particular time in my life".

I couldn’t read and run, as a teacher it’s heartbreaking to see young people go through this, even when they aren’t your own.

My advice would be don’t allow him to make any decisions today. Let him sleep on it and see how he feels tomorrow. I can’t say I’ve ever been through this situation personally but I’ve seen a few others go through it. He is not alone. Grab him a takeaway!

The grade boundaries will be higher next year by about 4/5 marks, so bare that in mind if he wants to resit the year.

I’m so sorry OP - it’s so grim and it feels like the end of the world, although it isn’t.

Queens Belfast is worth a thought, it’s Russell Group but places less pressured because fewer coming from across the UK. They have a great medical dept, although you’d have to check if biomed is clearing. It’s quite a lively city these days, very affordable and stunning country around.

But if he’s really set on NC he may want to resit in autumn and plan a year off after that. Check they are ok w resits though.

Your poor DS. I remember that experience: feeling absolutely gutted, embarrassed, rejected and panicked. I ended up not going to uni at all, working my way up from an entry-level position and doing a degree with the OU when my DC were little. I now have an interesting, well-paid job and a nice life but it was the end of my world at the time and for a while afterwards.

Please allow him to be gutted for a day or two, then chivvy him along if he hasn't made a plan. My parents very much left me to it and it was never mentioned again. I felt that they were disappointed and embarrassed too and it was awful.

BCC RGU is in Aberdeen
www.rgu.ac.uk/study/courses/872-bsc-hons-biomedical-science

It's probably a blessing, unless your rich and can open your own private company or have ties and an in at a private one then DONT do biomed at Newcastle.

I studied Biomed at Northumbria and we where full of post grad Newcastle students resiting because Newcastle doesn't qualify you to work for the NHS.

If he's dead set on Newcastle then biology is in clearing, its worth asking if they'll take him with those grades. Or is he dead set on biomed? If so, he'll need to resit but needs to know, as mentioned upthread, that grade boundaries will be higher again next year, so he needs to improve, a lot! Worth talking to teachers about remarks this year as well.

In 20 years time he'll look back at how upset he was and laugh. I don't mean to sound callous. I know that for him, right now, this is the end of the world. It's true though.

This!! It’s possible to get onto a similar course and then transfer after a year.

I’m really sorry your son is distressed. I really feel for these kids having A levels for their first proper exams. I remember how hard they were!!

Good for him calling round and trying to sort out what to do next - that shows real courage and commitment and they are two qualities that will put him in good stead in the future. Never give up!

I had a gap year to work and it did me the world of good. I know he wants to go to uni with his school friends but when you get there, there are so many people to meet and things to do. Having a little more freedom going it alone can be really great. He’s going to have a wonderful time and this will all be a “blip” when he is older. Doesn’t stop the heartbreak and disappointment now, but he WILL survive and thrive!!

Leaving 🍹 and 🍫 at your door OP

oh OP. My DH failed his A levels 25 years ago, he retook, got the grades and is now a professor - and worldwide expert - in his chosen field. He often tells his students about this 'failure' - it was the making of him.

retakes aren't the end of the world, they really aren't. You sound absolutely lovely, he's lucky to have such a supportive mum.

University of Cumbria have vacancies in clearing

Whilst this seems like the end of the world now it honestly isn't as bad as all that. Don't faff with clearing, it's artifical and unnecessary stress. Let the dust settle and encourage him to call through in a few days and get through to departmental head or the admissions tutor. There are so many options, as others have said. Many people who have not gone via UCAS (e.g. direct access after a year or two out) are holding places in 2 or 3 unis at this point and will slowly drop out of all but their preferred choice in the weeks leading up to term time. Access/foundation courses are also available which means an additional year at university but prior to starting the degree studies. Also encourage him to look at similar courses at other universities. I had my heart set on York since I was about 14 and visited a cousin there. I actually went somewhere totally different in the end and LOVED it. It's a stressful time but we are made to believe all is pinned on making a rash decision on results day or the day after and that's just not true. Places will be freed up and offered to others right up until 2 or 3 weeks into the term, even at a uni that currently tells you they are full. Admissions tutors will have more time for you in a few days so don't rely on cleaning. Call next week when the call centre has stopped and the admissions tutor has the time to talk and keep calling, even if next week is a no. Also get visiting other institutions this next few days. He will see that they are all great fun and have just as much to offer. I've work in admissions and clearing at 3 Russel Group universities

OP I don't know how helpful this will be but here you go...

• I got into my first choice of university second time around, after doing a couple of extra A levels.
• In fact, all 4 of my siblings got into their first choice of university (same one as mine) second time around, and both of my parents got into their first choice second time around.
• I spent 5 years working towards what I though was my dream career, and then failed an exam that meant I had to rethink everything. I LOVE my job now!

All the above is what I occasionally share with students who've had a setback or are overwhelmed with exam anxiety, because:

• That job I love now is working as a tutor; there are definitely resources out there that make studying for GCSEs and A levels much easier (not the exam board textbooks usually supplied by schools) so if you want advice for materials next year let me know.

For today maybe just share his grief, but for tomorrow let him know that this really isn't the end of his dream. And I realise there's a risk of coming off horribly trite here, but career disappointments WILL come in life; it's really not so bad to get the first one out of the way now.

Also: when I went to university you could tell immediately who'd had a year out and who hadn't - definitely better to have one in my opinion, he's got the rest of his life ahead of him still.

Does anywhere do this degree with a foundation year. It may give him the base he needs.

I feel for your DS and the many others that didn’t get their expected grades. DD’s predicted grades were AAB and she got ABC, luckily her first choice uni only asked for BBC so she got in, she turned down several offers for Russell group unis for AAB, I was gutted when she ruled these unis out as her teachers kept telling me she would get A’s, I’m now pleased she secured the uni she did so we didn’t have to go through clearing this morning but she’s still a bit disappointed about her results. Not many students at her 6 form got A’s or all A’s, only one got 3 A*’s.

People need to remember that these kids did not get the experience of sitting GCSE’s, it was there first time sitting real exams and despite all the prep we didn’t know how well they would do. They have had a awful 3 years, school closures, not sitting GCSE, online learning and staff shortages at school, the fact they completed A levels is a bloody good achievement in itself.

Let him come to terms with today, he has the rest of his life ahead of him, time to decide what to do next wether that resits, go to another uni or not go to uni at all. And remember there are many successful people who did not go to uni and did not ace A levels.