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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Staying at home for University

285 replies

Orangesandlemons77 · 11/04/2022 16:04

Reading in the papers that since Covid and with the cost of living as well, more Universities are having applicants from students living at home.

Wondered what others thought of this? I have a DS who will be applying this year, and yes think he may be applying to one nearby.

OP posts:
lljkk · 14/04/2022 22:18

DD has had a crash course in adulting during her 2nd Uni year.
She is doing admirably with that.
Her housemates are not getting the same life lessons. DD manages the bills and things like joint electricity bill (they tried to charge the household £900 extra).
So yeah... some of them get a lot of adulting experience.

I could only become financially independent by going to a lesser-rank Uni in my home town.
ISpyCobraKai · 15/04/2022 00:50

@RampantIvy

I never wanted to be wild.

Neither did nor does DD, but going away and, living independently with friends has been so good for her.

Dd was wilder before she left home!
PersephonePomegranate · 15/04/2022 07:37

I stayed at home and commuted! I lived on the outskirts of the city of my chosen university, anyway. I had a good relationship with my parents, who treated me as an adult, and I was free to come and go as I pleased.

The whole grubby accommodation thing just didn't appeal to me and I wasn't the only one. I'm a fairly gregarious person and made friends easily - some are still my best friends 20 years on. My best friends were of a similar mindset and we had money to spend in nicer bars, clubs and restaurants in the city, rather then the student union bars where kids who had never had alcohol before and were kept on a tight leash at home were throwing up on the floor by 6pm.

That was what motivated us, really and was part of our 'growing up' experience. I suppose it depends on what's driving you at that time and what you're trying to get away from.

Pixilicious · 15/04/2022 08:01

I stayed at home when I went to uni. I regret it massively. It’s the only thing I have ever done that I do regret and I’ve done lots of ill thought out things in my 50 years of life! I was just 18 in the august before I went and wasn’t ready to move away. Should have had a year out and gone when I was 19.

cptartapp · 15/04/2022 08:08

I stayed at home. But it suited me as my friends stayed home too so we continued to socialise together. I was lucky enough to have a grant then, and a part time job so money was never a problem! Never felt like I missed out.
DS1 has moved away to Nottingham and is having the time of his life. It's costing a significant amount, but we're lucky enough to be able to absorb the costs, so happy to pay for 'the experience' as it where. He's very confident though, it's absolutely the right thing for him and it's opening his eyes to a lot of things.

ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 10:58

Read the replies to my comment about being 'WILD' haha. I meant to say is that can you really enjoy the party scene at uni whilst living at home?
@cptartapp glad ur DS is having fun, Notts is known for a good social/nightlife. Might I ask what subject he is studying? Did he chose Nottingham for the social scene?

ArtVandalay · 15/04/2022 11:00

My kids would prob have done that if I’d encouraged them.

But I did the opposite. They need to live away from home imo. You have the time of your life at uni. It just wouldn’t happen if you were commuting.

ArtVandalay · 15/04/2022 11:01

My son’s at Nottingham. I agree, social scene is fantastic.

Viviennemary · 15/04/2022 11:04

I think it's a big mistske to live at home. Miss out on a lot of the student experience.

cptartapp · 15/04/2022 11:11

@ronaldmcdonald123456

Read the replies to my comment about being 'WILD' haha. I meant to say is that can you really enjoy the party scene at uni whilst living at home? *@cptartapp* glad ur DS is having fun, Notts is known for a good social/nightlife. Might I ask what subject he is studying? Did he chose Nottingham for the social scene?
He's studying Geography. Didn't specifically choose Notts for the social scene, in fact we'd never been there before and open days weren't possible due to Covid. Just liked the look of the course and the campus set up close to the city. It's beautiful. The city we live in doesn't compare.
ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 11:16

@Viviennemary I agree so much. I did the year 1 in halls, year 2&3 at home (London uni) and year 2&3 never matched. I was jealous of the people who lived in house shares or reapplied for halls. (Saw on social media the parties and nights out I was missing)

ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 11:16

@cptartapp the campus is very pretty I agree.

Siepie · 15/04/2022 11:22

In my experience, from my own uni days and now as a lecturer, there seem to be two groups of students who stay home. One group is those who already have a fairly 'adult' relationship with their parents, possibly a job or partner they don't want to leave, and don't feel the need to move out to get their independence. The other group is those who are still very much treated as a child, with mum doing their laundry and keeping a close eye on their curfew.

This second group I do think miss out on the chance to grow up. It's not just the social scene - I was never a big partier myself - but learning to be independent. Twice in my career I've had a parent try to contact me about their child's grades, and both of those times the child was still living at home. I know it's very anecdotal but I don't think that's a coincidence.

ChiswickFlo · 15/04/2022 11:26

Ds1 is in his first year at a local RG University and is at home

He picked the University for the course but only applied to local ones

It's working really well so far although I had my doubts to begin with and he did feel a but lonely in the 1st term as it was blended so he was only getting 4 hours f2f per week

He is insured on my car and got a parking permit for university (£78 per year) which makes things easier

He has made friends on his course but crucially he made a real effort to join sports clubs and has made friends through those too

Some of his more local peers are really regretting staying in halls and some were trying to get out of their contracts

Some staying on campus are also really pissed off due to the strikes

So, it's working well for ds1 but they have to be prepared to make more of an effort to get to know people/mingle

ChiswickFlo · 15/04/2022 11:27

@Siepie

In my experience, from my own uni days and now as a lecturer, there seem to be two groups of students who stay home. One group is those who already have a fairly 'adult' relationship with their parents, possibly a job or partner they don't want to leave, and don't feel the need to move out to get their independence. The other group is those who are still very much treated as a child, with mum doing their laundry and keeping a close eye on their curfew.

This second group I do think miss out on the chance to grow up. It's not just the social scene - I was never a big partier myself - but learning to be independent. Twice in my career I've had a parent try to contact me about their child's grades, and both of those times the child was still living at home. I know it's very anecdotal but I don't think that's a coincidence.

I think that's fair.

Ds1 is pretty Independant. Cooks for himself, does his own laundry etc

He also works in the holidays.

We are pretty much a B&B 🤣🤣

ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 11:29

@Siepie I was in the 2nd group. When Oxford turned me down I knew deep down I'd have to go to a London uni. Almost didn't move into halls for year 1 I had to basically fight and plead for it.

ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 11:30

@ChiswickFlo since ur DS lives at home. What are your 'home rules' if wants to go on a night out? (and come back late at like the early hours of the morning)

ChiswickFlo · 15/04/2022 11:34

[quote ronaldmcdonald123456]@ChiswickFlo since ur DS lives at home. What are your 'home rules' if wants to go on a night out? (and come back late at like the early hours of the morning)[/quote]
He's not a huge party animal tbh
Most nights if he's out he's either driving or has to get the late bus so rarely out after 1am....so far!

I think he may start staying in friends dorm rooms soon rather than come home

He has a house key obviously and usually tells me when he's planning on being home

RampantIvy · 15/04/2022 11:35

This second group I do think miss out on the chance to grow up. It's not just the social scene - I was never a big partier myself - but learning to be independent. Twice in my career I've had a parent try to contact me about their child's grades, and both of those times the child was still living at home. I know it's very anecdotal but I don't think that's a coincidence.

I would add students whose cultural background mean that the parents aren't keen for their offspring to mix with other people/join in with the drinking/party culture. I have read some heart-breaking posts on The Student Room from (mainly) Muslim girls who are desperate to go away to university but aren't allowed to.

ChiswickFlo · 15/04/2022 11:35

Ds1 is at Notts ☺️

ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 11:40

@RampantIvy this upsets me too.

RampantIvy · 15/04/2022 11:46

That was what motivated us, really and was part of our 'growing up' experience. I suppose it depends on what's driving you at that time and what you're trying to get away from.

In our case a village with not great public transport, and therefore a long commute to the local university, which DD wasn't interested in going to. She is loving city life and hasn't regretted her choice of university.

Student support, being able to have F2F lectures, lack of strikes in her department, a decent dissertation tutor, a pretty good response to covid, a good social life and a great friendship group means that she feels that her covid affected university experience has been better than many others have experienced.

ronaldmcdonald123456 · 15/04/2022 11:48

@RampantIvy was ur DD at uni in the 2020/2021 academic year? How was her social life?

user1487194234 · 15/04/2022 11:57

My friends whose DC are at home are so much more aware of the kids exams,essay deadlines etc and a couple bemoan the lack of progress reports from Uni !
I had enough of all that when they were at school

Kite22 · 15/04/2022 12:04

Agree @RampantIvy - there is certainly a 3rd group of controlling parents who don't want to see their dc growing into anything other than that which fits their image of the ideal son / daughter Sad