Staying at home for University

[Orangesandlemons77]

Reading in the papers that since Covid and with the cost of living as well, more Universities are having applicants from students living at home.

Wondered what others thought of this? I have a DS who will be applying this year, and yes think he may be applying to one nearby.

Fruitcow, I agree. DD's second choice was a medical school (very) close to home. She did not get a place,but get her first choice. There were advantages in both. In London she would have been able to continue her club sport, which was at a higher level than many University teams, and where there had always been students. London would have been cheaper. She could have maintained a mix of sport, school and University friends, and generally the international, focussed and buzzy atmosphere you find on London campus' would have suited her. On the other hand leaving the city and environment she knew was an adjustment. The campus was far less diverse than say her school (Xenia, whose DC went to a similar school will back me up here), a lot of kids were from more sheltered backgrounds and less used to, say, travelling on their own (and less cautious) so came across as younger and less independent. There was also a difference in emphasis on why you were at University.

It worked out fine. University has broadened her experience and she now knows more people from other parts of Britain, whereas DS' London friendship group was very largely Londoners and people from just about every corner of the globe. Curiously many of DDs Uni friends are from rural backgrounds, preferring outdoor activities to clubbing. If she had got her second choice rather than her first, she would have had a different University experience, but not necessarily a lesser one.

@Needmoresleep agree with the London uni 😂

The cosmopolitan experience however is very useful for certain careers (high finance, politics, consulting). People also have a different outlook.

that’s another point r.e fungibility of universities. It’s not just the subject, it’s also the vibe. Coming from an ‘ordinary’ background it certainly opened my eyes regarding what I could achieve… I’d not be where I am today if I’d gone to just ‘any’ uni

It's such a difference in debt / student loan though...staying at home around 27K if you just had tuition fees paid, then lived on say a bursary and money from a part time job

vs about 9K a year on top living away which would double the amount borrowed to nearly 60K.

That is a lot of money to be paid back from next year until they are 60, with increasing interest rates.

Not surprised more are looking to stay at home.

Agree on the points about it not only being going away to uni which can give you a breadth of contacts with a range of people. Can happen through e.g. work as well.

I wish it was the case that all Universities had good reputations and it isn't the situation it seems to be here with some being more 'reputable' than others.

Both our DC are hopefully starting Uni in September, they both have additional needs which I’m not going to describe as they are very identifiable

we’re lucky to live by one Uni and have 2 more within 30 mins which run the course’s that DC want to attend and both have offers for the 2 they eventually applied for

in our and their case it really is about supporting their needs, DC1 particularly could not cope in Uni accommodation because of one of their conditions. Living close by will allow them to be a part of their group whilst being apart to survive

To that end we’ve supported both to learn to drive, provided a car for their independence and will continue to financially support them at home

It’s not always about a cheap option, sometimes it’s the only option due to the students needs. DC1 may never live independently but is perfectly capable of attending a university, DC2 with the same conditions but less affected should be fine to eventually lead an independent life but at present still requires some oversight or would fall apart rapidly

both will only receive minimum student loan and we will have to support them as their conditions preclude many types of work

we’re fortunate that DH has a good job because I am unfortunately now disabled and chronically unwell

This is what DD2 was planning to do (we live in London, she's been accepted onto her preferred place at a London Uni). She wanted to make friends etc in the first year, then move home to save money for years 2&3.

Unfortunately, uni has just put its accomodation prices up significantly, and all she could afford is a shared bedroom, sharing a bathroom with six other people. As she says, she can live like that for free at home, so why would she put herself in £7k of debt to do it at uni?!

I hope she does manage to make friends on her course; her boyfriend will also be studying in London, so there's that at least.

She's also gone travelling in Asia on her gap year, so will hopefully have learnt some good independence/life lessons doing that, too!

It really depends on the person. When I went to Uni I moved away from home and lived in halls and then a series of shared houses. I absolutely hated it. I still shudder when I think about it. I hated the drink/sex/drugs/party culture. Others around me loved it!

Just see what your child wants to do. If they want an all immersive university experience it's worth the money, if they don't, it's not.

ds(19) is at the end of his first year at uni and commutes. He was fortunate that his first choice uni/course was commutable, so when it came to deciding whether to live in or out he had a choice and we would have supported either. For first year he chose to commute, he was a bit concerned about the social aspect, but he has made lots of friends and he has already decided to continue to commute for 2nd year.

I think it's a bit patronising to say that students who live at home don't get the full experience and are mollycoddled.

Agree with this, living out/in is not a barometer for either mollycoddling or having a fulfilling university experience, or learning to be an independent adult.

I read some of the posts on WIWIKAU where parents are buying soft furnishing and fairy lights to make uni halls homely, holding back and drip feeding in maintenance money weekly so they don't overspend, sending food shops and frozen meals everything supplemented by the bank of mum and dad - that is so much more mollycoddling that ds gets at home!

Anyone concerned that their dc will not get the "full uni experience" or somehow be disadvantaged because they cannot afford for them to live out, please do not worry. For every person who thought living out for uni was the best years of their life there is someone else who had an equally fantastic time, and grew into fully functioning independent adults with home as a base.

"I think it's a bit patronising to say that students who live at home don't get the full experience and are mollycoddled."

I agree with the above. The main reason I hated living in halls and shared houses at Uni was that I was surrounded by some very mollycoddled people! The amount of people who couldn't budget or clean or make themselves a basic meal was unbelievable. They were usually the ones whose parents bailed them out and sent food parcels.

It is a different experience when you live at home

It is a different experience when you live at home

but necessarily a worse one. And that is even before you factor in the cost saving.

No real option to commute from here as we are in a rural county, minimal transport and definitely nothing which would allow a night out at uni. In addition, DS is desperate to move to somewhere which isn’t a small country village. I moved out to go to uni so o suppose I just expected that he would do the same.

Same round here. DD went to a city university and stayed there to work after she graduated.

Sorry, typo.

NOT necessarily a worse one.

Both my teens have gone to uni close to home. Ds is leaving this year with no debt whatsoever where as some of his peers from school are leaving with 30k of debt all because they have lived away from home to get through the "full uni experience". I can assure you there has been nothing usual about uni through covid. Ds has just finished 4th year and this is the first full year he has had actually with face to face teaching .

I'm so glad that he's leaving with no debt.

So you (or someone) paid his tuition fees as well? Not everyone will be in a position to do this.

If you live at home you don’t get the full Uni experience
Fact
You might get a better experience,but no way is it the same experience.

We have some friends in Australia where for them (my friends not nec all australians obviously!) the norm is to go to the university in your city and were surprised how normal it is here to move. And they've done pretty well...

Dd stayed at home and has certainly saved a lot of money. She’s found it ok, was a bit hard making friends initially as she didn’t really click with anyone on her course. So she was joining societies, etc then covid happened. She ended up taking a year out so restarted in a different cohort and made friends there. I wouldn’t say I’ve mollycoddled her even though she’s at home. Yes, I buy food but I don’t cook for her (she has a very different diet to everyone in the house), I don’t do her laundry. She has a part time job and is really quite independent.

Her course is 7 years long so saving money where possible was definitely a priority. She has the option to go somewhere different for the second part of her course and is applying for a few different universities as well as the home town one. If she gets into Cambridge or Bath she will definitely move away.

No we live in Scotland so tuition fees are paid.

free.

I left my kids to make their own decisions on everything university-related. But I said they should really leave home. I would have loved them to stay but I didn’t want them to grow up as people who had only ever lived in london.

And no way would my son fully have matured had he not lived away!

It cost us a fortune but was the right decision.

And no way would my son fully have matured had he not lived away!

Yet many (most) adults do manage to successfully mature without having had a "uni experience" or even uni at all!

The difference when someone matures is a mixture of the person and the parenting they receive to guide them towards independence not a magical "uni experience".

Fiercely independent ds(19) chose to commute as the pros heavily outweighed the cons for him. If he had enough finances to live very modestly, I have no doubt he could leave home tomorrow and be absolutely fine.

It is saving us a fortune, he works PT to fund himself, and will leave debt free (Scotland so no tuition fees) and it was the right decision.

Most people don't go to uni though do they? And they manage to grow up fine ....

Just checked it's only 37% of 18 year olds who go to uni, so of that 37% not all will live out - so it is a minority of 18 year olds who both go to uni and live out...

(I so wish we had no fees like Scotland!)