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Original poster

Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

994 replies

DadDadDad · 09/11/2021 07:25

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

OP posts:
goodbyestranger · 15/11/2021 11:34

And that's for really straightforward stuff such as getting a repeat prescription for asthma medication. Nuts.

DottyHarmer · 15/11/2021 12:05

I will put The Folly on my list. We dined at Quod the other week: it was really nice and super service. Funny to see so many parents with a gawky dc - obviously it was Visit Freshers Weekend! Dd spotted two people she knew. We also saw lots of parents wandering round trying their best not to look embarrassing with a dc leading the way.

pantjog · 15/11/2021 13:02

Well DH has taken one look at DS’s mouth and says it is textbook glandular fever. There is no treatment so no need to get the GP involved. Except I suppose for providing official confirmation for his absence.

HewasH2O · 15/11/2021 17:17

Sympathies Pantjog. We found it was easiest last Christmas to continue with phone/online appointments with her Oxford GP (who was relatively quiet out of term time) then go to the local hospital treatment centre as soon as someone needed to physically poke & prod DD's tonsils on New Year's Day.

pantjog · 15/11/2021 17:26

Thanks for the kind wishes. Yes, might be better to deal with the Cambridge GP although as it happens the home GP surgery is super efficient and the Cambridge one pretty useless.

JulesJules · 15/11/2021 20:29

Oh the GP thing has driven us mad too. They really should have some sort of flexible arrangement for university students. We have had to register, deregister and re-register every term so far for D1.

SandyBayley · 15/11/2021 20:35

@pantjog - really sorry to hear about the Glandular Fever. That is likely to take some serious recuperation. I remember my sister having it during Sixth Form and it took a while to recover from. Home comforts are the way to go.

Sunndowne · 15/11/2021 22:49

Wishing your DS lots of TLC from college when he returns. Poor thing! It's hard enough without being ill.Flowers

Sunndowne · 15/11/2021 22:49

Above to pantjog

Sunndowne · 15/11/2021 22:51

whiteroseredrose, smart trousers, glitzy top will be great. Definitely fine.

ofteninaspin · 16/11/2021 10:29

So sorry about the glanduar fever diagnosis @pantjog. Your poor DS.

Also driven mad by the GP thing here too. Both DC have ended up having online consultations with GP's in O or C in the holidays because our local surgery refuses to see them. DS's Cambridge surgery is especially brilliant at cutting through all the receptionist faff.

pantjog · 16/11/2021 10:44

@ofteninaspin

So sorry about the glanduar fever diagnosis *@pantjog*. Your poor DS.

Also driven mad by the GP thing here too. Both DC have ended up having online consultations with GP's in O or C in the holidays because our local surgery refuses to see them. DS's Cambridge surgery is especially brilliant at cutting through all the receptionist faff.

Thanks often! I will DM you for details of this fab C surgery…
whiteroseredrose · 16/11/2021 11:55

@DottyHarmer that made me laugh 'lots of parents wandering around trying not to look embarrassing' That sums me and DH up!

Malbecfan · 16/11/2021 12:06

Best wishes to your DD @pantjog. Hopefully rest and home comforts will weave some magic.

@DottyHarmer and @whiteroseredrose yes, that was our experience at the freshers' families lunch in March 2018. Thankfully it was an informal meal and most parents were casually dressed as it was move-out weekend. Still, my idea of casual car-loading gear is probably charity shop rejects and as for DD2...!

mutterphore · 16/11/2021 16:14

@Pantjog, I'm really sorry to hear about your DS's glandular fever diagnosis. Poor thing! I hope his college are very understanding about his need to take a break and rest, as recuperation can take a long time. When I started at Oxford 40 years ago, the girl in the room next to mine was still recovering from glandular fever post - A-levels - and her parents asked me to keep an eye on her. Good luck with his recovery and I'm glad your DH was able to tell straightaway that this was the diagnosis.

Malbecfan · 16/11/2021 17:01

Sorry @pantjog, it's your DS. I am honestly losing the plot...

pantjog · 16/11/2021 18:36

No worries @Malbecfan! Thanks for the kind wishes, all. The patient is now eating and drinking and feeling quite a bit better, thank God. I'm now daring to hope he might make it back to Cambridge before the end of term.

I must say I'm quite jealous of this talk of parents' events. Having said that, DS was intending to take us to formal hall after college evensong this term, but sadly glandular fever put paid to that plan.

Sunndowne · 16/11/2021 20:03

My DD has to call her C doctor in holidays if needed too. So far so good but no real acutes.

Glad he's eating and drinking pantjog. FlowersBear

Cornishcornettos · 16/11/2021 22:21

Help please! DS is struggling. Fresher in a science subject. He has fallen behind with lectures though not tutorials or labs. But he has told me today that he's fairly sure he doesn't want to go back next term. He says he's working really hard but is just not enjoying the course. As a result he isn't motivated to work any harder to catch up on the work and generally is finding he's hating the subject.
He likes uni/college and I think has made good friends. The problem is the course/workload.
He has spoken about rusticating but my understanding is that this is generally not allowed unless there is severe illness. His mental health is fragile but he refuses to talk to anyone about it.

Any experience of suspending studies/tales of things getting better/worse- no need to sugar coat it- I would rather be armed with as much info as possible.

I want to support whatever he chooses to do though am worried that he will regret withdrawing (assuming he's not allowed to suspend) and that his mental health will actually get worse with effectively 2 years out of education (assuming he doesn't get round to applying to another uni before the ucas deadline - his head isn't in the right place for that). But obviously if he really hates it, he will find it impossible to continue

Ironoaks · 16/11/2021 22:51

@Cornishcornettos
Sorry to hear that he is struggling. It's good that he has been able to be honest with you.

If his mental health isn't good then obviously it would be better if he can manage to speak to someone (college nurse? GP?) for several reasons:

  1. To access support
  2. To help him to work out causal factors, which will help him to decide next steps:
  • Has mental ill-health caused him to fall behind? (after a break / treatment, he might feel able to resume the course)
  • Has the intensity of the workload contributed to mental ill-health? (a less intense course might be better for him)
  • Is it a combination of both?
  1. To get in place evidence of his difficulties (in case he needs to provide this in the future) and/or adjustments to enable him to access his course (if appropriate).

At Cambridge a few students do intermit; I don't know how it works at Oxford.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/11/2021 23:19

CornishCornettos - I don't know if this applies to Oxford but Cambridge sometimes let students change course - though perhaps not easy this far into the term. One of DDs friends changed after a week or so from comp sci to NatSci , and other restarted entirely in MFL after a year of maths. (Obviously in the latter case it cost an extra years loans, and she fortunately had the necessary A levels for either).
Someone else left her course after the first year and went to another uni to do something a bit different- not sure how that worked as I think it was arranged after the normal ucas timeframe.

So if he really dislikes the course there may be options which aren't as bad as you fear. He needs to discuss it with his tutor /DoS/personal tutor

HewasH2O · 17/11/2021 00:22

CornishCornettos last year DD kept telling us she would deal with her lectures dreckly. She never did, but she's humanities not a scientist. Somehow she scrapped through.

Step one, take a look at these:www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/self-help/podcasts

Step two, see if you can persuade him to sign up for any of these:
www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/workshops

Step three, persuade him to get in touch with his College welfare team. They can help him put support in place, talk to his tutors etc. His College don't want him to drop out, they have a vested interest in getting him through any bumps along the way.

Feel free to PM me. DD certainly went through every problem you could possibly imagine last year.

HewasH2O · 17/11/2021 00:26

& as Errol says, a change of course is not impossible. One of DD's friends started his degree course and it became apparent to his tutors that he lacked motivation. They actually offered him a place on another course which they felt would suit him more (say switching from fine art to classics) & he has started again this year after completing his first year in a totally different subject.

Chilldonaldchill · 17/11/2021 07:55

@goodbyestranger

Best wishes to DS pantjog. We have the same situation as you DottyHarmer. There's one particular dragon among the receptionists at our GP who unfortunately seems to be on duty whenever we call, and whose main pleasure in life seems to be telling university DC - who - same - have been at the surgery all of their lives - that if they expect to be at home for more than two weeks then they have to go through all the palaver of re-registering, and then re-registering at Oxford at the end of the holidays. It's completely absurd.
It is actually factual though. Anyone at home for less than 2 weeks should be seen as a temporary resident. Anyone there longer should register - those are the rules. GPs get paid zero for seeing temporary residents. If students are expecting to be seen whilst they are at home then they are basically expecting the GP to see them on top of all their normal work. Lots of practices do do it but it absolutely should not be the case and creates extra work - particularly at a time when practices have never been more overwhelmed. My own child knows that she is now registered in C and she should request any extra pills etc in term time there, not expect to get them when she gets home for holidays. There's no point criticising individuals when it's a system issue and the system doesn't allow for you to be registered in two places at once.
SnapSnapDragon · 17/11/2021 08:10

Do you really think he hates his subject ot does he just hate the panicky feeling of falling behind and the relentless workload @Cornishcornettos ? If it's truly the former then a course change sounds like the best plan if possible (I know of many who have done this, over the years). If he still finds the subject interesting then it doesn't sound like an unsalvagable situation, especially as he's up to date with tutes and labs. Has he spoken to the second years in his subject? DS (small science subject at O) found them to be the source of much reassurance and practical help last year. He realised, for example, that everyone was overwhelmed by the amount of work needed for maths preps, that second year wOrkload was more manageable. And he got his hands on someone's beautifully organised lecture notes. I would encourage your own DS to make friends with the years above; maybe my own DS is one of them (although I'm not sure I'd recommend borrowing his notes!)