Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

Thank you for your kind words.
It's really hard. I usually leave him alone completely as that what he prefers.
I made him cross this morning because I woke him up from a lie in.

It's very difficult after two weeks in the hospital "spaceship" (those who have done it will know what I mean) to suddenly step back but just as HewasH20 says he's much safer in Cambridge than out in the styx/sticks (sp?) at our house. Plus no one is partying anyway.....

I guess I could ask him to confirm to them that they can discuss any health issue relating to the brain surgery with next of kin?

Sorry to hog the thread. Can anyone tell me when the 1st year natsci exams finish?
Am checking in with him daily and college nurse will do pulse and blood pressure every couple of days. It feels pretty safe at the moment but there will be more temptation to drink /party when the exams finish. So I would like to have a sense of when that is.

@ServantofthePeople it might depend on which subjects he is taking. I am happy to ask DD as she is supervising 1st yr NatScis and may well know. Happy to help via PM if you prefer.

That would be appreciated Malbecfan.

@ServantofthePeople sent a PM. Should be mid-June

When DD was a 1st year, her friends poured cava over her and some sort of paint I think at the end of her exams. It all looked fairly colourful but tame.

Hello, everyone, remember me? We've just heard that St Benet's Hall (Oxford) is going to close - it doesn't look like a financial rescue is possible. So no new admissions for 2022, existing students will definitely see out this academic year, then it's not clear yet how long they will continue into next year.

University and the Hall have undertaken to make sure students can complete their degrees, so it might mean being taken under the wing of another college.

Lots of uncertainty still....

I'm sorry they haven't managed to rescue the college. It will certainly be unsettling if they have to move college, but perhaps in reality the move will be made easier as they are at least happy in Oxford. Is your DS on a 3 or 4 year course and was he due to live in or out next year.

DC will be going into 3rd and final year in the autumn. Accommodation should be OK next year (SBH can't provide accommodation for everyone in normal times, so DC already has something planned).

So they might end up with some other college looking after them at some point, which could be a bit unsettling. It's such a small college that it will sad to see the community broken up - and tough for the staff (both academic and non-academic).

@ServantofthePeople I hope your DS is doing OK and making a good recovery and that you too are managing to de-stress, as much as this is possible in these circumstances. I also hope his college is looking after him well and that he's as chilled as possible about his exams.

@BenedictSlumberpatch how difficult for your DC to be without their original college, shortly! It's a pity no massively rich person was able to step in and help out before it came to this. I hope your DC manages still to enjoy their final year and also this current term.

My DS1 (C) has exams starting in two weeks time and is remaining very relaxed and happy whilst, I hope, doing some work/ revision too! DS2 (O) is having his most relaxed (for Oxbridge) term so far, as he only has one essay per week to do this term and one exam in 9th week that I think contributes to his final degree grade but he's enjoying himself hugely with lots of extracurricular activities.

I hope everyone else's DCs are enjoying the term and fewer restrictions on their freedom and that any pending exams are being kept firmly in perspective.

Thanks, @mutterphore . I've just had DC quite angry on the phone as more comes to light about the mistakes and failings that have led to this. They also feel like they are not getting the support from Benet's they need with certain issues and so getting very anxious about finishing this term, let alone managing next year.

Here's a question for everyone: would you consider contacting a college as a parent where you felt welfare was a real concern? With a 20-year DC I certainly don't see my role as it would have been when they were at school and have never thought up to now of getting involved directly. But when I hear them so upset and I do have genuine concerns, I feel it might be time to send a clear, measured email to the relevant college contacts. I have heard of other parents doing so in exceptional circumstances like this.

Under slightly different circumstances I contacted the College Welfare team in DD's first term. She was dealing with Covid restrictions & isolation, a bereavement and a series of family crises. She wouldn't have done it herself and I'm glad I did.

@BenedictSlumberpatch If your child is upset about their college closing, I think you should probably leave it and allow them to work through it with the support and empathy of others who are going through it.

If you think your child is having a mental health crisis, then do not hesitate to contact the Porters Lodge for immediate concerns and a welfare check, the Chaplain for a swift and personal response and then the Head tutor.

Thanks, Cinnamon, that gives me a clear way to go. I'll say no more on this for now.

@BenedictSlumberpatch if your DC would value your input and gives you permission, I think you could consider contacting the college, explaining your DCs concerns and saying you've got their permission to be in touch and take it from there. It's entirely up to your DC however and how they'd feel about this. Mine have always wanted me to be at arm's length even when at school but I'd not hesitate to help out if they wanted me to, no matter how old they are.

What a shame that having gone through all the hoops to get to Oxford, your DC suddenly 'loses' their college. Surely the college should have a very clear contingency plan in place for all students that's explained to each of them and support given for every individual.

I remember as an undergrad. several decades ago, at Oxford, my tutor went on sabbatical for my very last term - the term of my finals and I felt very let down and on my own, even though I'd been terrified of her all the way along. However, she ensured all her tutees had another tutor in place and it was clearly laid out what would happen - and that was just 'losing' a tutor. I dread to think how destabilising it would have been to have lost my actual college!

So if your DC needs you to help fight there corner, then go for it!

I think the problem is that they don't know themselves what is happening, so it must be hard to reassure the students when they are under the same uncertainty.

I think Cinnamon gives some very wise advice. I'd also add, that unless it is reaching crisis point, I would always ask dc to give written permission, copying in the relevant people for contacting college.

Its really really hard as parents to see them go through stuff, so

The Times had an article on St Benets yesterday. I hadn't realised just how tiny it was it will definitely be a shock to the system if the students are merged into the larger colleges which are most likely to have scope to accommodate them, although I suppose they may be split up. Unprecedented times.

Very sorry to hear, @BenedictSlumberpatch.

Hope everyone's DC are ok and coping with any exam pressures.
Here in the Pant household there is tons of excitement after DD1 got blades in eights week. I’m so delighted for her.

Congrats to Pantjogs DD. It's £280 for a blade & £180 for just the spoon, if she fancies one. DD got klaxoned on Thursday and Friday, then bumped today. She was quite philosophical, as it gave her longer to get ready for the BC dinner tonight.

Well done to your DD1, @pantjog! That's great!

DS2's (O) team got 'spoons' in Summer Eights but has thoroughly enjoyed himself and also seems to be out almost every night doing something rather exciting but still up very early each morning.

DS1 (C) is working hard for Tripos 1 - mostly whilst eating pastries in cafes! He's also started rowing recently - as a total novice - following in DS2's footsteps and DS2 and I are shocked that he even managed to get down to the river for 6.30am, when he's the one of us three who normally enjoys sleeping in until 8am or 9am (DS2 and I are very early risers, so tease him at home about his late starts).

Hope everyone else's DC are enjoying the term and not fretting too much if they've got exams pending. There are far more important things in life.

What on earth are blades and spoons?!

@valbyruta blades are what your rowing team achieves if they win every race in s series. DD was one of the coxes whose team achieved them in 2019. Not sure about spoons.

Each boat aims to bump into the boat in front. If you manage to dothat each day you win blades. You get spoons in the racing if your boat gets bumped each day.

If you've won blades, your success is chalked up on the college walls. The college & crew can get an oar (blade) for display painted in the college colours with the crew's names to record their victory. A spoon is just the painted bit of the oar that goes in the water, whereas a complete blade is about 3m long.

You get blades if you “bump” the boat in front of you, four days in a row. Instead of a trophy you have a blade with your names painted on. They are tricky to move and display so sometimes people just buy the top bit (the “spoon”).

If you get bumped four days in a row, you don’t get anything, but it’s humorously referred to as “getting wooden spoons”.

I got blades myself 30 (!) years ago and it was the sporting achievement of my lifetime - as an otherwise very unsporty person.

@HewasH2O i was so gutted for the rowers whose races were klaxoned. So disappointing. OTOH it’s amazing that bumps races still go on given how potentially dangerous they are, so I can understand the caution.