Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

A number of Oxford subjects are all or nothing H20. It's fairly unique these days and is (I think) Oxford specific.

DD4 returned to Oxford with a spring in her step due to having no collections this term and no final exams for another whole seven terms.

DD's last ever set of written exams under exam conditions will end up being her GCSEs!

DS happy with his collections (4 papers) but said it was a strange experience doing exams in a hall again. The last in person exams he took would have been his last set of mocks in Feb 2020. They were also what Mathematicians call 'book work', so a lot of remembering proofs. His subject seems one long round of exams, thankfully he does not mind exams too much.

Happy Mayday everyone! D1 texted this morning - she was intending to go to May morning at Magdalen...but at 4.30am decided to go back to sleep instead! She went back to Oxford on the train this term as she brought minimal stuff home, mainly books. She's got a very full on term with some submitted work counting towards her degree, and end of year exams for the whole of ninth week.

DD's summary of May Morning: lots of standing around for a couple of minutes of singing.

My son didn't make it to the May Morning singing as it was his College Ball joint with another college at the other end of Oxford. He seemed to have a good time though of course no sleep, kept going all day after a special 7 shot coffee at 5am.

He also rang at the weekend to tell me he thinks he might seek some support / diagnosis for ADD /ADHD. Has anyone any experience of this. College say they expect him to get a first but his concentration is such he forgets the rubric for how many questions to answer in Collections, forgot he'd taken his bike to rowing then left it overnight and it was stolen, is late to everything - or a week early ...I could go on.

This behaviour is nothing new but somehow in the structured world of school it didn't cause him many problems and he was so busy on his year out that he didn't have time to breathe. What is good he has made this decision himself.

I couldn't care two hoots whether he gets a first or not but he is now getting frustrated by messing people around, and not getting all the extra curricula things done he wants to do. If that spurs him into getting some support great.

So just wondering if anyone knows who is best to get support from at Oxford to help with strategies for the chaotic well meaning student.

Juja, my son used the Disability Service to get a dyspraxia diagnosis to enable him to use a laptop in exams: www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/disability
It was free as far as I remember and did take a few weeks from first contact to actual assessment. He had never needed the diagnosis in school and to be honest it had not really been a problem apart from handwriting. So they might be the best place for your son to contact.

@Ontopofthesunset Many thanks - I'll send him the link - he's spoken to his tutor today who told him to get a calendar and work harder... he says he will try both, I still feel some specific strategic learning support / time management advice rather than "pull yourself together" would help...

Ds1 has been out of action for a week having emergency brain surgery. Wants to go straight back.....and I want him to be near Addenbrookes.

any experiences with recuperation at college gratefully received

@ServantofthePeople - Sorry to hear that he has had that to contend with. Different types of surgery will have different recovery times. What does his neurosurgeon think? If the neurosurgeon thinks it's feasible, then I would suggest he liaises with the college (e.g. college nurse if they have one) and also the DRC if he needs any adjustments for exams.

Thank you iron.

Surgeon gave a fairly clear list of physical restrictions - no riding or strenuous activity. No alcohol. They would normally sign people off for 6-8 weeks.

The academic side is harder. Surgeon says he should take it easy there too. But ds enjoys the work and would find sitting around stressful.
I think surgeon means swotting into the night for exams more than “don’t think”.

I will see if he will let me go to college nurse with him

@ServantofthePeople - I'm so so sorry you've had this worry with your DS. I know you've got another thread about him but I just wanted to say I hope he continues to make a good recovery and his college has to prioritise his health and well-being and ensure they keep an eye on him. The college nurse, plus his pastoral tutor and his DOS should check in on him regularly and, presuming your DS gives his permission, liaise with you if necessary.

Your son is absolutely amazing to go through this and then want to be back doing his course. It's probably the best thing for him to have that interest and distraction and a sense of normality carrying on but he may well need you there in the background, reminding him to look after himself, not overdo it and keep in regular contact with you.

You probably want to be camped outside his college room 24/7, just to keep an eye on him and it must be very hard not to have him back at home. Hope you're coping with it all.

@ServantofthePeople sorry no specific relevant experiences in college setting but sending solidarity thoughts - must be really tough on you all. Hope the surgery was a a success. My experience of major operations at that age is that they can take longer than you think to recover - you feel great but a week later realise it took a lot out you. That said if he is in a setting where he feels at ease and supported that may be the right place even if he has to dial back a bit. As you say great if you can have a dialogue with the college nurse as well. Has he got supportive friends?

Very tricky @ServantofthePeople . My DS had glandular fever last term as well as covid and has ended up intermitting. But he was already struggling with the work so he didn’t have any wiggle room. There was basically no support for him other than what his (also very busy) friends could provide. It must vary between colleges and also depend on how aware the college is is what’s going on. My DS isn’t good at telling people he’s struggling. All the best to you and your DS. I sympathise.

In happier news, DS started a temporary job today. It will be so good for him (I hope). His first job!

'Pantjog, that's very good news about your DS and his first job. I hope it all works out for him and having time out is probably a good thing too. DS1 and DS2 really benefited from a gap year between school and university, even though it was totally curtailed by the pandemic of course but the extra year without pressure of school or university was really helpful I think.

@pantjog - congratulations to your DS on the job, hopefully good for his confidence too.

Having been unsuccessful in his applications for summer lab placements, DS is now applying to be a volunteer for a summer science outreach programme.

In other news, his college has acquired some new pets!
(As always, if you know the college, please avoid naming it here as the combination of subject + college + other info I have shared makes him identifiable).

Thanks for the kind posts. Setting off home now. Leaving him at college reassuringly close to Addenbrookes.
one good thing is that he won’t miss out on social life as everyone is just working.

Very brave of you @ServantofthePeople , wishing him a speedy recovery and you not too much anxiety.
I had a quick trip to Oxford to see ds today and we had a wet walk but a nice Turkish lunch after. He only has a few classes left then it's all revision for end of Y2 exams

@ServantofthePeople you must be worried silly. Very best wishes to you & your DS.

Thank you. The worry now is nothing compared with travelling home alone on 27th after Addenbrookes escalated the case to urgent and basically warned me to expect “something worse”. I didn’t really function at all that week whilst waiting for the mri to take place.

Thank goodness he was in Cambridge & not the back end of beyond.

Servant That sounds as thought it would have been utterly terrifying and you must still feel very anxious. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I would ask your ds to email his tutor, DOS and if possible his college nurse, copying you in, giving you permission to talk to directly to them if needed. This worked very well for us for a short lived issue that dd had.

@ServantofthePeople sounds really scary. No advice from me, but I second what @OhYouBadBadKitten has written. I only had to contact DD's tutor once. It wasn't health related but the issue could have had serious repercussions for her. They were kind and reassuring.