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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

994 replies

DadDadDad · 09/11/2021 07:25

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/03/2022 09:39

That's a very adult and wise decision pantjog. All the best to him. I hope he finds a way to be happy and healthy.

goodbyestranger · 13/03/2022 10:13

It sounds the right thing to do pantjog, from all your accounts of how he's been getting on. It would very likely have been different had his first year been as it was. It's very positive that his college tutor is so supportive. Intermitting/ rusticating often seems to work incredibly well, with extremely positive outcomes all round, in terms of health, work and general future life. Very best to him.

goodbyestranger · 13/03/2022 10:14

*not been

HewasH2O · 13/03/2022 11:27

One of DD's friends has decided to do the same. It's more common than they think. I'm sure your DS must feel that a huge weight is lifting now the decision is made.

HewasH2O · 13/03/2022 12:38

Notonetojudge that's a little bit outting naming the college & subject for such a niche course, especially as even in a larger college there will only be one or two taking that combo. You may wish to ask HQ to delete.

ofteninaspin · 13/03/2022 16:27

@pantjog, all the best to your DS. I am sure he has taken a wise decision and I hope he starts to feel less burdened by the stresses of recent months.

Re working in the summer, my DC have both had summer jobs from sixth form onwards. DS usually does a combination of tennis coaching and internships. This summer he has a two months long internship in London. Fab for his CV but not much of a rest before his final year. DD has a temporary STEM job lined up for immediately after she graduates this summer.

mutterphore · 13/03/2022 17:29

@Pantjog, good luck to your DS and this very courageous decision he's made. He did very well to last this long, given his difficulties and hopefully he's very proud of himself for getting this far and also for being able to make a tough choice like this too. I hope he gets time to rest and relax and keep it all in perspective.

@Ironoaks,. I was chuckling to myself about your very organised DS, who'd got everything packed and ready to come home. DS1 (C) had to get DS2 and I to pack everything up for him when we collected him at the end of last term,a s he'd not even begun. Apparently because I was 40 minutes early, of course he wasn't going to be ready. No thought of packing a few days before.

Meanwhile, DS2 (O) is home! I picked him up yesterday and he's had a great term and had some really lovely feedback about his academic work. So he's very happy and I'm delighted he's home again. He'd done all his packing about 4 days before pick-up day. He starts his online internship tomorrow.

DS1 (C) ends next Saturday and I can't wait for them both to be here.

@Notonetojudge, I don't think either of my DCs has met anyone rich and posh so far at O & C and no one really talks about that kind of thing at all.

@Goodbyestranger, I hope your DD is managing these vicious Mods. and can celebrate and enjoy herself once done.

Sunndowne · 13/03/2022 21:50

Very good luck to DS pantjog. my friend's DD has intermitted for 2 years at O. Hopefully, she'll be back in October.
Nice to hear from you Lobster. Amazing last essay! DD just did hers too and head of faculty gave it who she had never met but incidentally told her he was linked to her heritage. And her supervision essay went well. Dissertation to do now.

Little teeny bit anxious for DD, she needs a year out, has applied for a few things but hasn't heard yet. Trust it will work out in end.

Sobering that a close friend whose daughter is my DD'S best school friend lost her DH this weekend, without even a diagnosis. Sorry , a bit shocking, but when I worry about the future and this and that, it puts it all in perspective.

To discussion about work, DD has done holiday stuff, but term time work load too heavy.

pantjog · 15/03/2022 12:47

Thanks all for your kind comments.

That's so sad @Sunndowne. Agreed re perspective.

Malbecfan · 15/03/2022 13:39

It sounds like a very wise decision @pantjog. One of DD2's friends who is at DD1's college has just returned, so much better and happier than she was a year ago after intermitting.

Lol @mutterphore! Both my DDs have been told repeatedly that if things aren't packed, I'm going without them. The only time I relented was when I took them back to pack up after they came home for the 1st lockdown. They each had to book slots to clear up.

@goodbyestranger no rain here yet today. However, you may have escaped the news that my line manager is retiring this summer after 29 years in post. I'm pretty sure he taught all your DC.

beeswain · 15/03/2022 14:00

I'm pleased your ds has made a decision @pantjog, I'm sure some time out will help.

goodbyestranger · 15/03/2022 19:42

I did hear that actually Malbecfan. And I understand his is not the only departure. It'll be a big change for you - will you be part of the interview panel?

goodbyestranger · 15/03/2022 19:52

Thank you mutterphore, all over now. And no work at all over Easter, so a quite big bonus!

goodbyestranger · 15/03/2022 20:00

He did teach all eight DC Malbecfan but poor thing would have felt he got little return for his efforts since there was not enough money at the time to get any of them music lessons. It's a regret on my part since I think they must have some musical genes somewhere in them: my paternal grandmother was a ballerina at the Lviv Opera House and my dad - with no formal teaching - could listen to a tune (almost always jazz) and then play it on the piano, pretty much perfectly. Oh well. At least they all enjoy listening even if they can't create.

Malbecfan · 16/03/2022 20:25

@goodbyestranger no I haven't been asked about anything, or even told. I'm not interested as I'm beyond f/t working now but have said I would hold the fort in the short term. They also need a head of Maths (another massive loss as we're good mates) and a Geography P/T teacher. Not sure how many more years I can take it. This is my 20th there!

goodbyestranger · 16/03/2022 20:37

Ouch Malbecfan.

I was a bit surprised by HoM. I hope that both he and HoMusic are ok.

hobbema · 17/03/2022 13:45

Very excited to have DD home tomorrow. She just heard she was granted a generous study Liam for her summer dig. Having heard what she’s planning to do for Part II , we wonder whether she shouldn’t have done Classics rather than History! Final hockey match of the term ended with a most uncharacteristic win too.
I hear a fair bit about students intermitting @pantjog. It seems a very sensible choice and I wish your DS well with the break. I hope you’ll stay with us on the thread.

hobbema · 17/03/2022 13:46

loan not Liam( though it IS St Patrick’s day!!)

Greatauntdymphna · 17/03/2022 14:43

Catching up after a few weeks.
@pantjog I'm glad your ds has a plan for now.
Dd is in a college where she pays for the (Christmas and Easter) holidays but they pay very handsomely to have the students move out so they can rent out their rooms. She has chosen this option this year but I don't think she will next year. She finds it restrictive to have to move out. Although she gets to stay till the end of 9th week and go back in 0th week each term.
For the pp who asked about working, she worked a lot in the summer before uni. She will work this summer too but hasn't had a job in the other holidays. She has met some very wealthy students but plenty like her who need to work for the extras...

Ironoaks · 17/03/2022 17:13

Having had several rejections for summer placements/internships, DS has now reached the interview stage for two:

Placement 1: in a specific field he is interested in; based on a science campus outside Didcot.

Placement 2: interdisciplinary (but does involve some physics); based in Cambridge.

To be honest, the competition is such that he would be very fortunate to get either.

Cliff1975 · 17/03/2022 18:20

My son is really struggling. Some of you may remember him from last year when he procrastinated his way through with his head in the sand. Well first term this year wasn't great either but he has worked his socks off this term and is struggling. It is just all so relentless and yes, mainly through his own making he is not up to speed. He has been told exams this year are his last chance and he could be out. Part of me just wants him home . Mostly I am just so worried about how it will effect him if it doesn't work out. Going to Cambridge and dropping out is surely worse than not going at all.

Flyonawalk · 17/03/2022 19:27

@Cliff1975 I am so sorry to read that Flowers

Forgive my bad memory but what is his subject?

There are wise and experienced posters on this board who I am sure will have strategies to suggest.

goodbyestranger · 17/03/2022 19:54

Yes very sorry Cliff1975.

Intermitting surely is the best possible option? Unfortunately it does seem very college/ subject dependent just how willing tutors are to support a student in this. And of course it may be that some tutors simply feel that intermitting won't help, but then some tutors are generally more student focused than others. Has no tutor suggested this as an option? Also, critically, does your DS actually want to continue with the struggle?

I don't agree that leaving Cambridge is worse than never having gone.

goodbyestranger · 17/03/2022 19:57

Please don't focus on the future at the moment Cliff1975, just make sure that your DS is ok.

Malbecfan · 17/03/2022 20:14

@Cliff1975 I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you, but I don't. However, you are an amazing supportive parent, so kudos to you for that. I hope your DS finds a way through this. I agree with goodbye in that it is better to have tried and perhaps failed than never to have tried at all.

@goodbyestranger both HoM and DoM are fine but just ready for a break. My line manager's wife has just given up her job as she is pretty much burnt out. Bit of a Damascene conversion from me - I'm now considering applying... Taking the weekend to think it through!