Oxbridge 2021: another 6 months of fretting

[DahliaMacNamara]

Will they make the grades? How will grades be awarded anyway? What the hell are Cambridge up to with that nasty little clause?

DD received lots of emails on Friday with the fresher schedule. These weren't necessarily 'fun' events but things like library induction, equality/diversity training, study skills training, meet the tutors (x2 faculties), meet personal tutor, college specific induction stuff, college mum and dad dinner, formal dinner, freshers fair details etc and lots more which I can't remember. I think the emails came from a combination of sources - so Uni wide, college, faculty. She has quite a full on week.

Have sent dd off once more to check her emails, thanks!

My DS had these all sent his new college email address - the key seems to be able to log onto college email which for O is via single sign on. It was all quite clunky with lots of steps but got there eventually. There will be the Freshers team on hand to help

Currently crammed into the back seat of a very small car indeed, surrounded by DD's possessions. Luckily she's travelling relatively light and packed boxes and car with surprising efficiency. So surprising, I can't help suspecting I'll get home later to find a box of vital clothes or books lurking under her bed.

On our way, sun is shining, DS nervous, I'm hoping he'll let us help sort out his room before we go otherwise the bags probably won't get unpacked for weeks... will be trying not to cry when we say goodbye...
Good luck to everyone else moving in today

Good luck @lazyboysmum and @DahliaMacNamara

Dropped DS off at Oxford today and he was also terribly nervous. We finally left him at about 4 (he simultaneously wanted us to leave and stay!) and I’ve just had a text saying he doesn’t get on with his college parents at all. I’ve told him not to worry and that he doesn’t have to have anything to do with them after tonight and that he can choose his own friends. For those with Oxford experience, can you reassure me that I’ve given DS correct information re college parents?

Laundry he doesn't have to have anything to do with them, but I would suggest staying in touch with the one who is his subject parent just in case, even if it's just by messaging. DD has little in common with either of hers, but she met her college granny through get college mum who was very helpful last year. DD was responsible for matching families this summer and it's a thankless tasks they have no real info except an email address to help make matches.

Apologies for autocorrects. Get = her. Tasks = task as.

I've PMed you.

LaundryFairy please tell your DS it couldn't matter a fig about getting on/ not getting on with his college parents. To be honest some college parents are incredibly cavalier, and ditch their kids unceremoniously after first acquaintance. Totally fine to ditch before he's ditched - no problem at all. Some of my DC have been horrified by their progeny - and the feeling was I'm sure quite mutual :)

Dropped off today at Oxford, DS somewhat nervous and wanted me to take him out to lunch but parking a nightmare in central college so we put up some posters - made the bed - wrong size sheets as it’s a small double and I left him to it. Oxford looking glorious in the sunshine tidy. Lucky them, I was reflecting back to my arrival 33 years ago, scary!

It was surprisingly tranquil on the road behind DD's college. Her room is lovely, quite big, and there's a kitchen on her floor for when she fancies cooking. I don't think she'd heard from her mother before today, and I'm not sure she's overly enthusiastic about the father, but it's early days.
We were kicked out by DD pretty much as soon as was decently possible, so I've no idea whether she's organised anything in her room other than her laptop etc. I would strongly suspect not.

Thanks @Hoghgyni and @goodbyestranger - that’s very reassuring to hear. DS called last night - finding it all a bit overwhelming! I could hear he was trying to be brave, but I know the pain barrier of settling in will be so high for someone like him.

Dropped DS off yesterday. His room is small but perfectly nice and his college is beautiful.

DS seemed happy enough to be left but I am having to fight the urge to bombard him with messages.

DS1 now safely back for 2nd year. Sweet little flat off Ifley Road in very green surroundings. Met his 3 flatmates and delighted to finally meet one of his friends who hue first met at interview nearly two years ago and is now his tute partner and flatmate.

He's said I can go to a formal hall with him if he sees another parent going. Can one of you get yourself invited so I can go ? 😉

DD plans to invite an uncle at some point. We will never be asked.

The college parent thing is very hit and miss. It really doesn't matter if it doesn't work out.
DD and her college mum got on really well and her still in touch but DD found her own DC last year quite a challenge. Both were a few years older than typical freshers. One got stuck somewhere in South America during Trinity (having missed several work deadlines) and asked DD for help. DD was completely out of her depth (and revising for finals) so ended up asking one of her tutors to intervene!

Your DD’s child sounds very challenging, @ofteninaspin! Talk about not understanding boundaries.

Thanks to all for the sound advice re college parents. I shall pass on to DS the message that they can be politely avoided.

SandyBayley I think that parents only really tend to go to the big events which are thrown for parents with a clear view to their wallets :)

I've never been asked to go to an ordinary formal, by any DC. However I have blown in and out of Oxford at fairly regular intervals for various reasons and no-one has ever declined a meal out, or deterred me from going into their college - I've just not been asked to a formal.

Lordy, I am dying inside at the thought of going to any formal parent events. Sounds worse than a wedding where you only know the bride and groom. I'm sure DD will do her best to make sure we don't get wind of any such thing. But what are they like, really?

Some colleges send invitations direct to the student's home address Dahlia, addressed to Parent of. I assumed my DC had been kicked out the first time I received one of those. I haven't attended any though. I would have felt a fraud, given the slimness of my wallet. Graduations have all been fab (although donations do nevertheless always get a mention!).

Oh dear. Well, they'd have to do a good long search to find any spare cash knocking around here. There may be a few discarded 5p pieces abandoned on the carpet in DD's room. Haven't quite had the courage to start tackling that yet.

Went to a parent's formal at DD's (O) college in first year. It was lovely to meet DD's friends and their parents and there was no mention of donations.
DD's (C) college usually has a parent's formal but obviously cancelled last year. We will get an invite this year apparently. The college sends frequent bulletins and updates to parents (far more than we ever received from school!) and a none too subtle message that they are cultivating future donations!

ofteninaspin I've yet to receive an invite which didn't have a very large entry fee, so that's your first donation.