Another path to greatnesses

[chopc]

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Couldn't get back to sleep so thought I will have a go and starting the new thread. Hope the title is not too cheesy

@bendmeoverbackwards whilst your daughter has every chance of receiving a Durham offer, if I were you I will start talking about the pros and cons of Exeter and big that up as that would be her insurance anyway?

Thanks @chopc DS is fine following his initial disappointment. I think he always liked the idea of going more than actually going. There are clearly those students that were far more committed and so perhaps the outcome was right.

Interesting to read the comments on Durham. DS hasn't applied there, think we just thought it was too far for him. His favourite is probably Exeter at the moment but a visit would be helpful. DS goes to a state school, hope he would fit in ok because I've heard that Exeter is quite private school dominated.

Thanks for the replies and wise words, especially @ImsorryWilson you made me laugh with ‘he probably won’t give a shit’ 🤣. I so hope you’re right. Maybe I’m not giving him enough credit to not turn into a wanker 🤔🤣

I’ll keep pushing for him to really pay attention at virtual open days and not get his head turned by beautiful architecture too much. I have pointed out he may end up living in a cupboard at Durham sharing a bathroom with five other people (and being an only child with essentially his own bathroom at home!) it may come as a shock.

Also - just realised I probably sound like an ungrateful insensitive twat with my Durham angst whilst others are waiting for offers. Sorry. I shall cease and desist with my twattishness on this lovely supportive thread.

[quote chopc]@bendmeoverbackwards whilst your daughter has every chance of receiving a Durham offer, if I were you I will start talking about the pros and cons of Exeter and big that up as that would be her insurance anyway? [/quote]
Yes I have been and she quite likes the sound of Exeter. But to go through yet more disappointment if she doesn't get a Durham offer will be awful for her.

@Beetlesand, universities have to make decisions on on-time applications by 20th May and if an applicant has had all his/her responses back by that date, they in turn have to respond by 10th June.
www.ucas.com/ucas/events/find/type/key-date?keywords=

As a UCL graduate I also want to say I think there is a difference between living in London as a student and working there ........... I know a lot of DC in this thread may end up and perhaps living in London on a grad scheme or other work, but I don't think the student London experience should be dismissed.

A number of our DC seem to have applied to St A, have any received an offer yet?

@321zyx none as yet, sent application in October. Only had some queries on fee status. Praying for good news!!!

@Crikeyblimey I'm a bit the same as you in regards and feelings towards Durham, my dd has a bit of a don't care attitude, so hoping she will be ok too, and @ImsorryWilson that's really helpful thank you.

It’s not impossible for state educated students to be utterly obnoxious too. They might be obnoxious for entirely different reasons but obnoxious they are. It’s like politics: extreme right and extreme left are equally divisive and are best left in their own camps. Most students happily get along with everyone. And confidence certainly isn’t just a product of going to a private school. Plenty of state school pupils have it in spades. Maybe less stereotyping would be beneficial in education and the wider world?

Not being selected for something is not a barrier to future success. In fact it can make some more determined. So be pleased that the uk has great alternatives.

Indeed @PresentingPercy - I really get that. Obnoxious people are all around and background doesn’t determine a person’s level of obnoxiousness.
I’m grateful (really am) for that perspective. It’s what I need. Ta.

I speak only of the Bailey Colleges in Durham where the problematic dominant group was the one I have described. I am told by peers who are now teaching staff there that the situation is unchanged.

@chopc would you mind elaborating a bit on your experience of London as a student? It would really help me. DS seems set on Imperial as his new choice should be he lucky enough to get an offer. I went to a red brick campus university and can't wrap my head around how there can be any sense of community when some of the Imperial halls are a fifty minute tube ride away in Acton. I know London is an amazing global city but really interested as to how it would be as a student there. Thanks if you don't mind shedding some light for me, I'd really appreciate it.

I am an interloper o the thread as my 5 children never tried Oxbridge and nor did I (although my siblings went) I just wanted to say lots of children do very well elsewhere. My daughters and I are London lawyers. Law firms certainly do recruit from Oxbridge but also from all the other good universities. On a few threads before now I have posted all my various failures in life. It is those failures as much as any successes that made me able to do pretty well.

Thanks @Xenia that’s a useful perspective.

DD doesn’t really have a favourite amongst her other choices. All have pros and cons. She’s not heard from Durham yet, although I have to admit that some posts on this thread have made me wonder whether it would be a good fit for her. I’m guessing though that you find your own crowd wherever you go. She thinks she might be interested in pursuing an academic career and I was thinking Durham might be a good choice from that point of view

@Xenia we all know our DC will do amazingly wherever they end up. However it is OK to acknowledge that sometimes life brings disappointments and it is also OK to be sad. Some of us need to talk about our disappointments in order to get over it and also to discuss the alternative path for our kids as for some like myself, we may not have entertained the idea of DC going to another university.

However, I am confident my DC had all the tools her required to do whatever he wishes to do with his future and rejection from Cambridge can't take that away.

@Pumpkintopf I think all of UCL Halls are within walking distance of the Uni. I did Medicine which had a fantastic freshers week and everyone met in the America student Union the night before where we had a buddy who told us about the ropes and my buddy was supportive throughout his time there.

As a medic we spent so much time in lectures and practicals I think it was easy to make friends. As it was right in the centre of London, we walked everywhere and met students from all over London in any club or bar we went to. In fact I thought London was full of students. The student Union is a social hub with the famous UCL cocktail nights on a Thursday where we got to meet people from all the university of London.

We waited in line for cheap theater tickets and there were plenty of cheap eateries. Bought a bottle from Budgens and got drunk before we went out so we didn't need to buy drinks at the clubs. In fact once I chose to freeze instead of taking a coat and paying for the cloakroom. We wouldn't even spent £1.80 on a tube fare. Went to clubs before a certain time when it was free and on student nights.

I didn't feel any lack of community at UCL. As I was too into partying I regret not participating in student sports which is something I was really into as a schoolgirl but the opportunity was there.

We had student grants those days which j used for my living expenses and my parents always paid for my accommodation. I also won some money in academic prizes which helped me as well. In fact my student loan went towards my first car.

We used to go to Imperial college once a year to attend one of their balls and in fact I went to one last year before lockdown happened.

If you have any specific questions please ask.

@bendmeoverbackwards also went to UCL and may have her own input

I do think a university outside London is different to one in London though and my DH is quite keen our DS goes to a non London Uni although two of his choices are London

*meant to say medical student Union not America

I am surprised people don’t envisage their dc having to go to a university other than Oxbridge. Every year lots of excellent students don’t receive offers.

Well @UnityUnited DC did apply to four other Unis and I knew there is plenty of time to think about it after Oxbridge decisions.

Did your DC apply? It was all consuming for the past few months so no real headspace to devote time to seriously give consideration to others. Plus lockdown meant DC missed all the open days but was lucky enough to attend a masterclass at Cambridge in Feb.

To be honest I remember DC researching all the Unis before making his choices so he made informed choices and us lucky enough to have offers from other great places

Thank @hollypocks, DS has had fee status questions from Edinburgh but heard nothing from St A since application in October.

Chopc thanks so much. UCL is one of his other choices, that's interesting that they have halls so much closer - it just feels too much like commuting for me to have DS coming in from Acton! Did you manage to find decent accommodation when you had to live out, reasonably nearby?

Since my day things seem to have changed so much in that I was in catered halls which seem to have disappeared now - but I'm guessing no shortage of cheap eats around the student centres and probably spoilt for choice in terms of cuisines? Also I'm guessing the nightlife is amazing? That was one concern DS had about C - he's keen to experience something different to rural living

@chopc one of mine did apply but didn’t expect to get in and didn’t. Genuinely wasn’t bothered at all, probably because they had no expectations. I can honestly say it didn’t bother me. Now very happy at their first choice Uni.