Another path to greatnesses

[chopc]

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Couldn't get back to sleep so thought I will have a go and starting the new thread. Hope the title is not too cheesy

Thank you for this new thread @chopc great title.

I really feel for you and understand how you feel. I felt the same 2 weeks ago after dd’s Oxford redirection. Very sad and down but at the same time trying to hide my feelings to support dd. I really felt she had what it takes. There was something different about her from toddlerhood, lots of other adults noticed it too, the way she held a conversation was way beyond her years.

But I imagine many of our dc are like this and the sad fact of the matter is that there are simply not enough spaces.

Having a dancing older dd means in a way I am used to trying for things that have a low acceptance rate and dealing with the aftermath. When I look back to the auditions I took dd to, waiting around to hear if she’d been recalled, waiting anxiously for results letters.... you need nerves of steel! Dd auditioned 6 times for the London Children’s Ballet, for each age category they take 6 out of 100 auditioning. Some years she got a recall, other years she didn’t get past the first stage. Some years I mopped up her tears, other years she was ok about it. I admire her strength of character to keep trying. After various twists and turns she is now on a professional dance degree course. Whether she makes it as a dancer remains to be seen but at the moment she’s enjoying the course.

But I digress. For C redirects it’s still very raw, it takes time to process it. I don’t blame you at all for tears, we love our dc so much and are their biggest fans and as parents you are invested in the process for them.

To add, two of dd’s friends had C redirections yesterday.

Lol @MidLifeCrisis007 .. Yes .. saw last nights UC . They were excellent

I know this isn’t what you want to hear at the moment but adversity can be good for children. It puts a bit of fire in their bellies.

Thanks for the new thread.

My DS got redirected from Cambridge for MML yesterday. He was apparently pooled but then not fished out.

He was gutted (obv) but seems to have perked up a bit today. He always knew it was a long shot but whilst you’re still in the race, there’s always a chance isn’t there.

Anyway - onwards and upwards.

He is in the excellent position of having offers from all four of his other choices.

Bristol and Durham are currently vying for position 1. Both very different, so a tricky choice. He was however delighted Durham won their round on UC last night 🤣

The last thread was so useful and supportive, I’m looking forward to this one being the same.

Lots to think about for our young people.

@bendmeoverbackwards can I ask how you and your dc feel now? 2 weeks on?
Dd seems really flat today

@UnityUnited.. yep- It’s a life skill isn’t it.. finding out the sky won’t fall in when something goes wrong. And having the experience of dusting yourself down and somehow move on.. it puts you in good stead for the future .
It’s still hard to watch though

@Beetlesand honestly dd has really taken me by surprise, she’s feeling so much better. She was not an applicant having a go to see what happened, she really really wanted it. Before results day, she spent ages doing research, looking at the beautiful colleges, she could really see herself there and thought she had a good chance. So obviously 12th jan was devastating for her. But 2 weeks on, she can see the upsides of other unis - less pressurised and the chance to study abroad. However the stress isn’t over yet as now she really likes Durham where she is yet to hear from! If you’ve got an offer from your second choice I think it makes it easier to deal with. She has an Exeter offer which is good.

What subject is your dd studying and where does she hold offers?

1. why do you have to achieve greatness? Or put it upon your children ...
2. when did rejected become redirected?
3. Beetlesand ... "injustice" ... welcome to the world

Hello all, I'm here too. I'm so sorry we've all found ourselves in the No camp. You have all been so supportive and an absolute life line. This group have really helped heal the wounds of a couple of years ago when DS got a C offer and then lost it on A Level results day, despite meeting the standard History offer. It really is the most awful brutal process. I actually felt in DS's case, like I'd suffered a form of PTSD and grieved for a year. Otoh, DD has been fine in this cohort's redirection and so am I!

We are lucky this time round that our dc can start getting excited about other options. We also know how super smart our kids are and they will find each other in other universities. There will be sadly a small minority who don't make their O and C offers this summer and have to pick themselves up and move onwards very late in process. Speaking from experience, that is the worst possible outcome and a very lonely one too.

@Beetlesand it’s very tough to watch, but in time they will be fine and strangely stronger for the experience.

@Jan069 was your ds’ offer higher than normal then?

Oh that’s so good to hear @bendmeoverbackwards! . I remember what a blow that was for your Dd.
The ‘less pressurised’ bit is something I’m hoping Dd will see soon. She immediately saw the upside when it came to chance to study abroad .. it helped yesterday to point it out.
For me personally , I didn’t like the idea of Dd having to deal with the intensity of the 8 week terms at C so I’m glad she won’t have that

So many rejections for History at both O & C. Either it's an MN anomaly or everyone went for history this year 😦. It will be interesting to see the stats.

DD seems to be in a minority for not choosing Durham as back up, but for those newbies, she is sticking to Southern Unis, so her remaining offers are Exeter, Warwick, Sothampton and Sussex, of which the first two, will be her firm and second. Again, it will be odd that her second will be a higher offer than her first, due to a drop in offer for putting first. Doesn't make sense really. She won't miss the offer so really no point in putting second down. So you have to put a second down if it is a higher offer?

@bendmeoverbackwards DS was offered A star A star A for History - the sad thing was, he was seriously on track for 3 A stars but due to the intense pressure of the C offer, he only got A Star A A. He'd always been in the top 5% of his year group, but ended up with average grades for his school. With the pandemic, he feels his grades have been now further devalued. It was so tough on him, but he really is stronger for the experience.

@chopc thank you for the new thread and the great title.

Ds was redirected for Computer Science but he is a pragmatic sort of chap so we had already had discussions around his other university choices before he applied in terms of he made a spreadsheet and listed car journey times plus train journey times, accommodation costs and looked into catered.

He has 4 offers but I think Durham and Warwick are his top 2 choices, Warwick want A A A whereas Durham have a reduced offer of AAA. He is taking 4 A levels (Further Maths).

I completely agree with

I can't explain it but this is the difference between kids from private schools and state - the self assurance and confidence as they have been repeatedly told that they are special

When I was at uni the students who had come from selective indies and grammars were always so sure of themselves. Not cocky, just confident. My friend put her shy daughter in an all girls fee paying and the transformation was incredible.

Re arseholes at unis, they are in every uni. Oxbridge redirects are always going to be at the top unis, ours included, some of those will be from very high fee schools and lifestyles that are a world away. Some of them will be arseholes, the others will be great.

We live in Yorkshire and Ds has a soft Yorkshire accent but it is not stopping him from considering Durham. I feel that Cambridge have tried hard to say we cannot be diverse until more diverse people apply, including Ds who is from a state education. Despite high GCSE grades no one at his school even suggested Cambridge, it came out of left field when he was picked for Cambridge outreach HE+. Until that moment he, nor us, had even considered Cambridge.

That sounds so unfair @Jan069 Where did he end up going?

@bendmeoverbackwards DS ended up at Durham. It's been a really good experience for him. He's made some really good friends and couldn't now imagine a life without them.

That’s really good to hear.

It seems that most dc on here have a Durham offer! I hope dd isn’t setting herself up for another disappointment. Is it less likely as time goes on? If they wanted her they would have given out an offer?

We were so pleased that Birmingham had a Webinar about their computer science course last night. The tutors were so friendly and inspiring that DS is almost 100% convinced that is where he wants to go. It also helped that their virtual open day was the best he viewed.

Onwards and upwards.

DS did mention Durham but it is so far away from us, and DS1 is already a 7 hour drive away so I did actually try and subtly dissuade him. I work in a private school and a lot of the girls do go to Durham. And he's not that type of person :)

We went to a virtual open day at Warwick (after Birmingham) and both of us 'didn't feel it'

It is such a shame that our young ones can't visit the Universities. It really isn't the same, we were lucky to have been able to visit Birmingham over the summer and walk around the campus I think this solidified DS's thoughts on the University.

I don’t know @BigWoollyJumpers . I’m confused too! There is no point putting a higher offer as insurance surely? .. does your Dd have a lower offer they can use? I’m sure someone else will come along with the answer soon

@bendmeoverbackwards. I was under the impression that not many Durham offers had gone out yet and that they generally go out after ucas deadline has passed? ( DD’s head of 6th form said this) DD’s is contextual and the only other person she knows irl with a Durham offer is also contextual. Lots of people she knows are waiting. So I maybe you will hear soon!

@hellsbelles welcome to the thread! And thanks for that - yes it is helpful to hear that. At the moment DS feels that he will apply for adjustment because why not, but if he gets an offer from Imperial he'd be disinclined to apply to C again.

Thank you @Beetlesand I’ve never really understood the contextual thing regarding offers, can you explain pls?

Lol @bendmeoverbackwards .. errr no because I don’t really understand it either.
Her offer just says “ you are eligible for a contextual offer”
We have presumed it is because of her gcse school and where we live . There must be something on their website about it? Maybe I should investigate too!