Another path to greatnesses

[chopc]

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Couldn't get back to sleep so thought I will have a go and starting the new thread. Hope the title is not too cheesy

@Pumpkintopf living out was the downside as a lot of my friends lived within London but couldn't afford the prices to stay really central. I was lucky enough to get a room in a hostel opposite the British museum in my second year and ended up sharing with my best friend. The third year you get halls again. 4th year lived in a dump in Kings cross. 5th and 6th years we were in placements half the time so I didn't have a fixed abode. Managed to "wing" my way eg took on rooms of friends who were already on their elective, wait listed for student halls and always managed to get something etc

However my info is 20 years old - don't know if things have changed since then

@Pumpkintopf yes the nightlife was amazing but I was done after 3 years

I should add that my dc did a masterclass at c which they enjoyed but the city wasn’t for them. They love gigs and overall it felt too quiet. Did a residential at O and liked it a little more. Through that there was more going on and was told by a current student they’d fit in. They made a pretty half-hearted application but had their heart set on where they are now. None of this makes it any easier for the disappointed parents and students but the point I am making is that even the strongest candidates can’t assume they’ll be offered a place.

@321zyx same with Edinburgh too, I’m thinking they may start to galvanize when UCAS closes for applications on Friday

@Pumpkintopf remember my info is 20 years old - I am sure things may have changed a lot since

Thanks chopc noted but it's just so useful to have some first hand insight! I've been looking at the prospectuses tonight and we've looked at online videos etc but I'm just desperate to go and actually have a look round these places and get the feel from being there - and we can't. So frustrating.

How's everyone feeling tonight?

I'm feeling a bit more philosophical but still sad. Keen to see the feedback as I hope that might give an indication as to how close DS was and whether adjustment is worth considering or we should just move on. Wish Imperial and UCL would hurry up and send out offers too so we know where we are.

UCAS track updated today with the Cambridge decision. That felt like another stomach punch tbh.

I know the Acton site as LCF have a hall there too and DD was there. In the end it was a mistake. It isn’t very student centred. The new imperial hall there could be expensive as it’s brand new.

As a result I would look at halls nearer to South Ken. Acton is 30 mins on the tube from South Ken but other areas are closer and more lively.

There are a huge number of international students at Imperial and that can make it a different student experience for some. That will be down to personal preference. Living away from halls from y2 onwards can be very expensive and can result in students being scattered over a wide area. My DSis went to UCL and the students lived in very diverse areas depending on the money they had available. It can feel a bit “have and have not”. The availability of work is now far less to help with money but UCL and Imperial are world class and this must come into any evaluation. But Imperial, in particular, isn’t for everyone.

I just had a chat with a good friend who has 2 DC at Cambridge. Felt better whilst I was talking to her but now back to reality.

However DH and I decided to be really positive in front of DS so we have done a lot of research on Durham now and he has just changed his college choice to one he likes better.

I would also like to know what the feedback is - but I am not anticipating it will soften the blow.

@Pumpkintopf you should definitely go down the adjustment route if it's available for his course. After all, what will you lose?

Oh. By the way, Kings Cross isn’t a dump now. It’s fairly swish. The gentrification of formerly seedy areas means poorer students are living even further away from areas near the universities. It tends to mean there aren’t student dives like there used to be. No student areas where you will be amongst other students. You live in the wider community. Which can be very appealing if you have good friends you wish to live with.

Thanks @PresentingPercy that's great advice.

@chopc I guess so - it's just the thought of feeling like this again with another rejection come August!

Durham is a beautiful university jam packed with clever students. The first few weeks are full of jokes about which Oxbridge college you were rejected from. Most people are in the same boat. Easily bright enough to have made the grade for Oxbridge but unlucky due to numbers. No shame in being a Doxbridge student!

@UnityUnited 🙈 re Durham but Doxbridge does seem appropriate

Sorry for sounding like a broken record - woke up this morning and remembered DS didn't get an offer and felt sad all over again

I feel to totally ridiculous for feeling this way and hope it passes soon

@Jan069 I do admire you for being able to go through it all again with your daughter - I know we all will as a parent but I can relate to the feelings of PTSD afterwards and I admire the fact that you were able to overcome it and be a support for your daughter.

Are you not feeling the same hurt this time round or is the sting less severe or ?

@bendmeoverbackwards just had a glance at the Durham thread in TSR and so many applicants who have not yet heard back. I do think it's on the way though ............

in any case Durham requires the same grades as Cambridge to get in so given the uncertainty of this year I think it's important to be excited about the back up option too

Dd got ucas track update yesterday evening confirming rejection and that upset her afresh. It’s a weird one isn’t it @chopc ? I would feel fine if she was feeling fine but she’s not yet. I think it’s so much harder because they are stuck in 4 walls with little distraction , it’s easy to lose sense of the yardstick .( lol- for me too!)

@Beetlesand that’s very true, trying to find them ways to keep engaged and happy is so hard during lockdown. My DT2 who did not apply for C has got 2 offers for Exeter and Royal Holloway but fir DT1 he’s really worried he’d only get 1, even if it’s a good uni. Not sure how we park them up. Maybe we just have to ride through it

Morning, another day, dd is feeling bit better..when I got back from work was cwtched up with youngest sibling watching tv. (Normally in her room) Have been looking more at Durham and as @Pumpkintopf said wish we could go and visit.

I would also take comfort from the fact that every DC who applies to Oxbridge has very high hopes. They have all put a lot of effort in and of course everyone around them thinks they should get a place. Managing disappointment is hard.

It’s also worth remembering that the vast majority of applicants are not successful. For some subjects it’s 90%. Therefore it has to be seen as a gamble. 10/1 isn’t great odds. Your DC have far better odds (mostly) regarding getting into another very good university.

Students go to Oxbridge for post grad. DDs partner did a masters at Cambridge after Durham. Oxbridge grads can also end up in fairly ordinary jobs that thousands of others can do and Oxbridge doesn’t necessarily confer any special status. For some professions it’s clearly an advantage but lots of employers are not just going to look at university attended and not test on other attributes. In fact some won’t look at university at all.

Rejection is hard to cope with but universities like Durham or Bristol don’t prevent a DC being happy. They do make friends quickly (in normal times) and life becomes all about looking forward. So many of us have seen temporary reversals with DC that feel devastating at the time but we all recover. You all will!

@chopc I felt sick most mornings for weeks and months - it was without doubt a form of PTSD and grief. Don't be hard on yourself. You're surrounded in good company here. Our situation slightly different as I still don't know anyone who got a C offer, met the standard offer, found themselves in the C summer pool and still lost the place. He'd already attended a C offer holders day, got himself on a C new students WhatsApp chat, chosen his C modules and signed a whole load of C paperwork. It really did take over a year to completely get over the experience. But I found peace with you lovely lot.

DD couldn't give a damn - she'd seen what her brother went through and went into the process eyes wide open. So it was a very different experience second time round.

I would say DS has benefitted from the rejection. He's softened and talks about lots of other things now other than his studies. He's found himself in a group of very charismatic sociable people at Durham which has rubbed off on him for the better.

You are so right @PresentingPercy

Are you able to elaborate on which jobs don't look at which university?

I know medicine doesn't and my DH said now in law they blank the Uni from the application apparently

What about banking?

I think it's all the input and headspace that has gone into the Oxbridge journey over the past 1.5 years or so and now it's over with a negative outcome - it will take some time to recover but recover we will 💪🏽

@Jan069 are you able to share some info about the History course at Durham? I got worried that there is only 8.5 hrs of contact in the first year reducing to 4.5hrs in the third. Do you know if this was the same in Cambridge?

Also will your DS do the year abroad or placement year?

@PresentingPercy . Thank you for your thoughtful post

@chopc I can absolutely relate to this. You wake up, and remember anew. Horrible.