Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Should I let him return to uni?

135 replies

mugglewump · 07/01/2021 11:11

I am so confused about whether I should agree to my son returning to halls, given the current guidance. His uni has said that accommodation fees will be proportionate to time spent in residence, but rather than staying home and saving the money, he is desperate to be back with his new uni friends. He says he can work better there and lockdown in halls will be more fun because he will be with friends. He is also pretty much nocturnal now and his sister is getting up for online lessons at 7:45 each morning and waking him up (adjacent rooms and bathroom). Am I being mean asking him to stay here? Will we be breaking the rules if he goes back? (Still in same area, so does not constitute travel as such). He says most of his friends are returning to halls this weekend.

OP posts:
titchy · 07/01/2021 12:23

Why is it up to you to 'allow' him? It's his choice Confused

Uni students are allowed to move back to their term time accommodation if they wish to.

Wishitsnows · 07/01/2021 12:25

Why does he need your permission?

scentedgeranium · 07/01/2021 12:27

DD is returning this saturday tho she is on a health related Masters. I'm still a bit jittery tho that we might get stopped en route to the station because the rules do seem fuzzy

Seeline · 07/01/2021 12:30

Ultimately he is an adult and should be making his own decisions.

My DS went back on Monday to his campus halls. We have 2 people working from home and Y12 DD doing a full school day on line, and wifi is dodgy. DS needs constant wifi for live lectures. His waking hours do not match the rest of the family. He shares a flat with 5 others, 2 of whom are on his course so they can work together. 3 of them were already back. They all had covid last term so the chances of them spreading it are pretty limited.

Students are allowed to travel. We made it clear though that if he went, he could not keep coming back, and we had no idea how long he would end up staying there.

30mph · 07/01/2021 12:45

He isn't breaking the rules. You don't get to 'let him' do anything. He is an adult.

WhiskersPete · 07/01/2021 12:53

Let him? Is he 12 years old?

WhatFreshStartIsThis · 07/01/2021 12:57

Are you paying for his accommodation fees OP? If so I can understand you feeling it’s up to you whether to “allow him” if you will be paying huge fees for him to not be getting the halls experience. Seems like a waste of your money.

If it’s his money/loan though I think it’s his choice how to spend it.

purplecorkheart · 07/01/2021 13:00

Who is paying the accommodation fees? If it is him then it is entirely his decision

Sunflowergirl1 · 07/01/2021 13:01

Have you not seen the videos of the house parties going on. If he goes back with little to do...it will be house parties and more Covid spread

Nettleskeins · 07/01/2021 13:02

I don't think he is breaking "rules". He is moving house surely, which is allowed under the regulations.

Itsmainingren · 07/01/2021 13:09

@WhiskersPete

Let him? Is he 12 years old?
This.

Also, if you agreed to pay for his accommodation then you agreed to pay for it. You don't get to dictate how he uses it. You shouldn't go back on your agreement to save money. Sounds like you don't see or respect your son as an adult.

UntamedWisteria · 07/01/2021 13:18

Similar situation to you OP.

But unlike what some MPs have stated, moving back to Uni in England is specifically NOT allowed under lockdown rules, unless you are on a handful of courses which require practical teaching or in exceptional circumstances.

The rules state:
"Students who are not on these courses should remain where they are wherever possible, and start their term online, as facilitated by their university or college until at least mid-February. This includes students on other practical courses not on the list above."

www.gov.uk/guidance/national-lockdown-stay-at-home#universities

UntamedWisteria · 07/01/2021 13:19

MPs?? I meant PPs! Specifically Nettleskeins 30mph Seeline titchy

UntamedWisteria · 07/01/2021 13:27

And for those who say it's up to the DS to decide as they are an adult - I don't agree. It should be a joint decision. We are paying towards DS's maintenance at Uni, and he is still living under our roof the rest of the time.

DS's main reason for wanting to go back (2 hour journey) was that he finds it easier to work in the Uni library. So we have been able to create a work space for him in a spare bedroom, which is working well so far.

He also understands the seriousness of the Covid situation, the need to limit the spread of the virus - he's already had a close call with it - and that if he did go back to Uni he may not be able to return home until March.

He is in private rented accommodation, so no chance of any rebate, which is very annoying.

Good luck OP, it's not easy I know.

scentedgeranium · 07/01/2021 13:30

There's also the question of wifi at home. We live in West Cornwall in a definite not-spot and struggle at the best of times. With home working and then downloading of lectures and zoom seminars we would be pushing it at best.

Emeeno1 · 07/01/2021 13:34

What is the point in adulthood anymore? People seem confused. Parents wanting to control their adult children's lives and adult children trying to control their parent's lives.

It's all batshit crazy.

ShaunaTheSheep · 07/01/2021 13:37

@Sunflowergirl1 Biscuit

Pleas read the law NOT the guidance. Travel IS allowed for the purposes of accessing education. Travel IS allowed for moving home.

DS travelled back yesterday. This was not being discouraged by his hall of residences or his department.

And, yes, they are adults so make their own decisions.

ShaunaTheSheep · 07/01/2021 13:40

Oh, and before anyone feels the need to comment, he will be following the rules, has had a Negative Covid test on arrival, and his flatmates (and probably he) had Covid in October.

ssd · 07/01/2021 13:42

Ask him to make his own mind up

titchy · 07/01/2021 14:12

[quote UntamedWisteria]Similar situation to you OP.

But unlike what some MPs have stated, moving back to Uni in England is specifically NOT allowed under lockdown rules, unless you are on a handful of courses which require practical teaching or in exceptional circumstances.

The rules state:
"Students who are not on these courses should remain where they are wherever possible, and start their term online, as facilitated by their university or college until at least mid-February. This includes students on other practical courses not on the list above."

www.gov.uk/guidance/national-lockdown-stay-at-home#universities[/quote]
Moving back after Christmas IS specifically allowed. The guidance hasn't changed. What has changed is the requirement for continued online teaching save for a handful of courses which is what you've linked to. The guidance always said to limit movement, and obviously still does. But students are legally allowed to move back to their term time residence. (Everyone else is also allowed to move house too.)

Sunflowergirl1 · 07/01/2021 14:39

@ShaunaTheSheep

Have you tagged the wrong person?

Daisyway · 07/01/2021 15:27

Dds university have emailed out the following:

Travel and movement - updated guidance
The new government guidance is that students should remain where they currently are wherever possible and start the term online, until at least mid-February. This means that if you aren't currently back at xxxxxx, you need to remain where you are and engage remotely.

She's happy to follow the guidance and so are most of her housemates.

The universities are now trying to be fair in allowing students back who really can't work at home (exceptions) or giving refunds for accommodation. Yes, it's the students decision, I'm fortunate that my dd is happy staying home, she loves to party but she'll have lots of time to do this when we get through the worst of this awful pandemic.

Whistle73 · 07/01/2021 16:07

My Dd went back before lockdown started. We've paid for her accommodation so why shouldn't she use it?

All her course has been online so far anyway so there's no real difference to her studying at home or in halls - except that she is with five friends who will hopefully keep her sane.

Like a previous poster says, her group all had COVID in October so any risk is minimal.

singsingbluesilver · 07/01/2021 16:13

Great - more travel that really is not neccesary as most uni lectures are online. Oh yes, please do keep moving around and increasing the risk of spreading covid. No doubt our rates locally will shoot back up when the students start to return.

singsingbluesilver · 07/01/2021 16:15

What on earth was the pint of Wales going into lockdown on 20th Dec if students can down start to drift back from other areas that were tier 4. I feel like we have given up so much and will have achieved nothing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread