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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Should I let him return to uni?

135 replies

mugglewump · 07/01/2021 11:11

I am so confused about whether I should agree to my son returning to halls, given the current guidance. His uni has said that accommodation fees will be proportionate to time spent in residence, but rather than staying home and saving the money, he is desperate to be back with his new uni friends. He says he can work better there and lockdown in halls will be more fun because he will be with friends. He is also pretty much nocturnal now and his sister is getting up for online lessons at 7:45 each morning and waking him up (adjacent rooms and bathroom). Am I being mean asking him to stay here? Will we be breaking the rules if he goes back? (Still in same area, so does not constitute travel as such). He says most of his friends are returning to halls this weekend.

OP posts:
JBX2013 · 08/01/2021 11:42

Hi @Heriditaments! Your suggestion would clearly work during normal times with a few books.

But for 50 students that would mean 2,500 books being sent out now from one department's library. And those 50 students will have follow up requests. And this is for just one Masters course.

Is your suggestion logistically feasible across the University for all affected students?

user1487194234 · 08/01/2021 11:43

Mine are in private rented and travelled back before this week's lockdown
It was permitted and as far as i am concerned that's all there is too it

Theunamedcat · 08/01/2021 11:47

My daughter isn't returning because she misses her mates or wants to party all the stuff she needs to do her work is in her accommodation where no one else has access too ffs not all uni students are party crazy infants

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 11:52

Need I @ you to make make it clear who I was responding to, not to make a point seem more important than it is Hmm The @ system makes it quicker and easier to highlight someone’s name than manually putting their name in bold. Which, given you can turn off notifications, is why MN introduced it...

Your DD is lucky. Some students remaining at home will feel more isolated being with their parents than away from them. Nor will they get their meals cooked for them. Doing well academically is important but so is doing well emotionally/mentally. Many students would never choose to live at home from a mental health point of view, for many reasons, and my heart goes out to those students who are now stuck at home due to Covid.

Needmoresleep · 08/01/2021 12:05

Small point but @ is used mainly to call people back to a thread. Otherwise just using a name sufficies. And avoids sending unnecessary emails.

Though will look at whether it is possible to turn off notifications just from one poster, as you are the only one I am aware of who regularly uses this approach.

Yes I don't disagree that some students have easier home study conditions than others. This is why there are exemptions. I don't think OP is claiming this is a case for her DS.

All I was trying to say was there can be advantages. Indeed one friend ended up with two 'extras' during the first lockdown. One who had a difficult home background and an international student who could not face lockdown in an empty flat on her own. And rest assured, DD like others, is expected to do her share of cooking and other chores.

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 12:16

Though will look at whether it is possible to turn off notifications just from one poster, as you are the only one I am aware of who regularly uses this approach.

Rude, personal and inaccurate. No need need, I will use bolding your name in future.

No the OP isn’t claiming an exemption for her DC. I never said she was. This discussion has become wider then that, as evidenced by you introducing your DD into the conversation as a student who is not in the same situation Smile

It’s important to understand that many students who hate living with their parents won’t have exemptions or will struggle to activate or justify them. (Again, a general point, not specific to the OP’s.)

Needmoresleep · 08/01/2021 12:24

Sorry. I really did not intend to be rude.

I like getting notifications when someone messages me. But don't need them if I am already on a thread. I take your word that this is the approach MN expects people to use, and that the option is for the receiver to turn off notifications, so assume they allow some selectivity. There is obviously reason why you should not use the @ when replying to posts if it is more convenient and the reason why @ was introduced.

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 12:36

need Oh I think you really did intend to be rude Wink

I will continue to use the @ system as I wish, having never been told off about it before, except for you who I will try to remember never to tag. That makes you very special.

PoppiesinOctober · 08/01/2021 12:43

@To2do

can't they stay put for just another month? Are their families so horrible?

Thats the impression I get students are desperate to leave home or parents are desperate for their return to University. Very sadShock.

Well that's the way it comes across with so many mentioning
mental health as a reason for returning.

How is it 'very sad'?

Most students are excited to be living independently, with their mates, and having their own space to study and work. Doesn't mean they hate their families Confused

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 12:44

Btw need if you really want to know what the protocol is around @ then I suggest you start a thread in site stuff to ask MNHQ. That why you’ll know and won’t be able to use the @ point as an easy point score against someone who irks you by disagreeing with you

Needmoresleep · 08/01/2021 12:59

Whatever...

I did not intend to be rude. And have apologised.

But will enjoy being special Smile

Teenageromance · 08/01/2021 13:23

How bizarre to say that students going back must hate being with their families. We could equally say that those who didn’t want to go back we’re having difficulties becoming adults and independent and weren’t making friends at university. Would that be true?

LoveACockatoo · 08/01/2021 15:00

Ive just finished helping DS pack to
return tomorrow. The WiFi here is good but overwhelmed with me, DH and DD all working from home already.

We are obviously cautious but at the end of the day he’s going and understands that once he’s there there’s no coming back.

ShaunaTheSheep · 08/01/2021 17:43

metro.co.uk/2021/01/07/why-i-want-to-get-back-to-university-13856155/

Interesting read from a student here.

Teenageromance · 08/01/2021 18:11

That sums it up very well @ShaunaTheSheep. It’s an important stage in life that I think many are missing out on by being stuck at home. I have a second year though and so think it’s easier when you have a firm established group of friends.

Teenageromance · 08/01/2021 18:11

Easier to move back I mean

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 18:12

Good article. Students paying for accommodation at university but being told to stay home should (probably) get rebates.

To2do · 08/01/2021 18:20

So much peer pressure on a lot of students to return if their housemates are returning.

Looks like all Universities refunding accommodation fees to those not returning because it was a factor with some students returning. Pity its too late for some who would rather have £1000 plus in their bank rather than being locked down with let's face it very little to do for the next 6 to 10 weeks although they are with their peer group living independently. Hopefully those sitting exams don't have inconsiderate housemate's.

MarchingFrogs · 08/01/2021 18:48

We can't get supermarket delivery slots for love nor money here.

Not even Iceland? Our local branches have loads of slots even when the 'big names' are booked solid. They also have some of the best fresh veg for miles around.

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 19:15

Hopefully those sitting exams don't have inconsiderate housemate's

But if they do To2do that would also be the case regardless of Covid.

At home with their parents they may have inconsiderate siblings or next door neighbours doing relentless noisy building work.

To2do · 08/01/2021 19:23

Very true @junoturner although I assume exams in non covid times are not online?

I would say that parents probably have more control over noise at home.. I had a neighbour with a noisy dog whilst dd was studying and just a gentle word resulted in the issue being addressed.

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 21:28

Yes that’s true about not being online. But most university housemates will be in the same position and are hopefully respectful.

That’s fortunate your neighbour was able to reduce her dog’s noise so easily and quickly, I know many dog owners who would want to know her tips Wink Seriously though, with many people wfh and kids homeschooling, there’s often more noise around during lockdown and it’s not always controllable. Either living with your parents or in a house share at university. But for a lot of university students, their preferred choice rules permitting is the latter.

To2do · 08/01/2021 22:12

@junoturner.. It wasn't quick stopping the dog noise... It had been going on for weeks.. My daughter studying was a good opportunity to put an end to the barking and several of my neighbours were thankful.

There are other positive factors to being at home during exams... My daughter has a friend who screwed up an online exam by oversleeping missed the complete exam so despite getting 85 percent in his first exam achieved 0 percent in his second bringing down his overall performance. If you are at home a parent hopefully they may wake you up...

JunoTurner · 08/01/2021 23:12

These are adults were talking about To2do. They may be young and students but they should be old enough and responsible enough to wake themselves up for an online exam - or to get up to go to university to take an exam in person Hmm

You seem to have a very odd emphasis on the need for parents here. You are aware presumably that a lot of parents may be out working as key workers or too busy wfh to monitor and wake up students for exams?

To2do · 09/01/2021 00:39

@junoturner.

Hmmm yes they are adults down to the fact they turned 18. Just because they turn 18 doesn't mean to say they are capable of acting like adults all the time and let's face it, adults often sleep through their alarm no matter what age.

These students have been away from home for just three months. They are not only doing what other university students have previously done but far more in terms of learning online and trying to manage themselves through a pandemic which none of us have done. Judging by what I've seen most parents have taken their Dc back to university that's what parents do, they don't just abandon their children because they are 18 and id definitely wake her up if she was home and at the point of sleeping through an exam!

I'm not about to take my parent hat off but I'm more than happy seeing my daughter loving uni, making what hopefully will be life long friends and taking decisions she feels are right for her.

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