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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Should I let him return to uni?

135 replies

mugglewump · 07/01/2021 11:11

I am so confused about whether I should agree to my son returning to halls, given the current guidance. His uni has said that accommodation fees will be proportionate to time spent in residence, but rather than staying home and saving the money, he is desperate to be back with his new uni friends. He says he can work better there and lockdown in halls will be more fun because he will be with friends. He is also pretty much nocturnal now and his sister is getting up for online lessons at 7:45 each morning and waking him up (adjacent rooms and bathroom). Am I being mean asking him to stay here? Will we be breaking the rules if he goes back? (Still in same area, so does not constitute travel as such). He says most of his friends are returning to halls this weekend.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 07/01/2021 17:33

It's a private rental, so we're paying for it whether he's there or not, and most of his belongings are still there.

Quite. He came home with a suitcase for a couple of weeks stay.

Daisyway · 07/01/2021 17:39

Most universities have or are agreeing refunds now for students that have not returned.

Cambridge, Oxford, Exeter, Durham, Newcastle, UEa, Loughborough to name just a few.

I don't think for one minute universities or the government expected 70 percent of students to fall within exceptions.

KittiesInsane · 07/01/2021 17:42

Halls may be agreeing refunds. Private landlords aren't.

I'm not too happy about the insurance on a flat staying empty for months is a busy town, either.

UntamedWisteria · 07/01/2021 17:47

DS would be happier back at Uni.

We would be happier if he went back.

But he doesn't come under any of the 5 exceptions and so he's staying at home for now.

Paying loads of rent to a private landlord for a room he cannot use.

singsingbluesilver · 07/01/2021 17:52

@ClaudiaWankleman

Stay at home means exactly that *@singsingbluesilver*

Except for many students university is home? It's been recognised as such, in many ways, for decades. They can vote in local elections there, they work there, live there for a large proportion of the year, have friends and relationships there, contribute to a local community there, and make a life there. All of which form a picture of 'home' in my opinion.

Having a bedroom in their parents house doesn't make it any more or less 'home' than the bedroom at uni. We have always had the right to move home during lockdown.

Yes of course - in ordinary in times it is. OK I will rephrase it. 'Stay put'. That is what uni students are being told to do. Wherever they are now - be it a home home or at uni home, then stay where you are.

In Wales we have been in lockdown and been told to stay local - only drive if essential, exercise from home - since before Christmas. If we now have to add into the mix anyone who mixed households over Christmas and are travelling to us from a tier 4 area then what on earth was the point of our lockdown. Our current rate is less than 100 per 100000. Now call me selfish, but I would like to keep it that way.

I have not seen my family for months. I have kept the rules. I want others to do the same.

user1487194234 · 07/01/2021 17:53

Agree with PPs
It is his decision

Susiesue61 · 07/01/2021 18:04

DS1 is going back, his uni is 10 miles away in the same county as us. He is far better living with his mates and being able to watch football together, walk to the park together, than be at home with us.

KittiesInsane · 07/01/2021 18:10

To add to Claudia's list: DS is registered with a uni doctor, not one here.

Also, since he left home, we've changed round his room to suit the needs of an elderly grandparent, who was hoping to move in with us for a while once he'd gone back. If DS has to stay here, we'll still be driving a three-hour round trip every few days to help them out, and leaving them alone, not quite coping, in between times.

There's never a perfect answer.

ShaunaTheSheep · 07/01/2021 18:27

No-one is wilfully misinterpreting the law. It’s right there in the legislation should anyone wish to read it. Those students who have returned understand the difference between guidance and law (unlike some of the frothers on MN and elsewhere).

Obviously I am referring to travel within England, it may be different if you are travelling between home nations.

lemonsquashie · 07/01/2021 18:41

Let him go with your blessing. He will resent you

To2do · 07/01/2021 21:22

Didn't take a lot to persuade my dd to stay home.

Summer holiday in Dubai with 3 of her uni friends who are wise enough to take the same approach all funded from the rent refund or spring term (10 to 12 weeks) in lockdown with a household of 12 (1 weedtaker, 1 racist and a few others she didn't enjoy the company of). No brainer to follow the guidelines.

Iamanaubergine · 07/01/2021 21:33

Guidance published today says the following: Wherever possible, students should remain at their vacation accommodation and should not travel to access their university facilities until the resumption of their face-to-face teaching
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/950583/Students_returning_to_and_starting_higher_education_in_Spring_Term_2021_FINAL_v3.pdf

tillyandmilly · 07/01/2021 21:41

singsingbluesilver

agreed - because solely they are missing their friends! Their lectures are online very irresponsible to travel at the moment when we all supposedly on lockdown! Why can't they stay put for just another month? Are their families so horrible?

To2do · 07/01/2021 21:49

can't they stay put for just another month? Are their families so horrible?

Thats the impression I get students are desperate to leave home or parents are desperate for their return to University. Very sadShock.

Well that's the way it comes across with so many mentioning
mental health as a reason for returning.

cinammonbuns · 07/01/2021 22:52

@singsingbluesilver

I think you are just purposefully ignoring the list of 5 exceptions whereby people are allowed to travel back to university.

SoupDragon · 07/01/2021 22:58

Thats the impression I get students are desperate to leave home or parents are desperate for their return to University. Very sad

Yes, you're right. We are all really nasty and hate our children. 🙄

user1487194234 · 07/01/2021 22:59

For me the vast majority of students who have chosen to study away from home want to be independent and as they are adults who can blame them
Doesn't mean they weren't perfectly happy at home when they were at that stage but now they have moved on and that's absolutely fine

Onesipmore · 07/01/2021 23:04

I think a few posters on here are a little harsh.The OP is asking for advice, not everyone piling in about whether its the teens decision or not.A lot of people are confused by the Govt advice. For what its worth OP I have twins. The one in 2nd year has returned to her private rental and is locking down with her friends in their house. My other twin in first year is locking down at home.Reason being, that several of her flatmates are international and cant get back and Im not entirely sure its healthy to be in a flat locking down on your own. I think the key thing here is chat with DS and agree a plan. He probably wants to lockdown with his friends and provided he is sensible while doing so, it shouldn't be a problem.

caringcarer · 08/01/2021 00:04

I thought government was encouraging students not studying courses with practical components to stay home if they could and if University could/would give online learning until mid February. Would he agree to wait until end of January when Xmas spike has passed and then return for February? It is only a few more weeks.

Crunched · 08/01/2021 00:12

Dds university have emailed out the following:Travel and movement - updated guidance
The new government guidance is that students should remain where they currently are wherever possible and start the term online, until at least mid-February. This means that if you aren't currently back at xxxxxx, you need to remain where you are and engage remotely

My DDs Uni have said similar.

MrsEricBana · 08/01/2021 00:30

This is a very misleading thread. Students are absolutely being encouraged to stay where they are now and not return if they haven't already except for the reasons listed above. It really isn't enough to say, oh the poor things are missing their friends, let them go, it's better for them. A lot of people are missing a lot of things. Unnecessary travel is actively discouraged.
My son is desperate to go back to uni but I think it would be irresponsible of him to go and me to take him right now.

singsingbluesilver · 08/01/2021 07:10

Well I'm I'm sure missing your friends is more important than the health and safety of thousands of local people who have been in lockdown here for three weeks, so crack on. Best of luck to students who intend to stay in isolation for 10 days when they get here. We can't get supermarket delivery slots for love nor money here.

It's selfish and it's wilfully trying to find loopholes - but you know some people will do what they want at then end of the day.

I do feel for students, I really do. And I was advising anyone in this position - especially those who were going into first year - to defer for a year. They have been conned - this was never going to be a normal uni experience.

Marley20 · 08/01/2021 07:11

It's his decision, he's an adult.

Marley20 · 08/01/2021 07:13

Not that I think he should go back to uni mind, I think he should stay with you but it really is his choice. I hope he makes the right one.

Theunamedcat · 08/01/2021 07:17

My daughter is at a Welsh University she is going back i dont want her too neither does she but its her last year and she needs to finish what she has started the university have put in safeguards all the flats are arriving within two days of each other and all are having two covid tests before being allowed at in person lectures