DD came home very often in first year, how to avoid in second? Any advice welcomed!

[Royalbiscuit]

DD19 got very homesick in her first year and as a result came home frequently, a lot of the time it was every other week. Shes at uni 3 hours away by direct train in a lively city, home is fairly rural and quiet.
I dont want her to feel unwelcome in her own home but at the same time it's a financial drain (I'm a single parent and she gets full loan amount), I was looking forward to my bills going down once she was away. And to having the house to myself and enjoying the peace, no lifts etc.

Plus after having her at home for 3 months I do not want a repeat of this. When i was at uni 25 odd years ago my mum had to beg me to come home!

If anyone has any experience of this or advice I would be very grateful. Thanks :)

This really is a nest of vipers.

I would let her wean herself off home at her own pace. Moving away can be disorientating and homesickness leads to young people falling behind with work or, worse, becoming depressed. I did a course that was full on from day one and only went home during the holidays but I can perfectly understand your DD feeling more at ease in her own bed with her own things and her dog around. I don't think she is necessarily unusual. I would encourage the job and maybe another interest eg a sport requiring training because they will be good for integration and self esteem but I wouldn't put her off coming home. My own DD came home at least weekly for the first year despite being a bona fide social animal. She gradually came home less and a few years on we really miss her. DS1 never came home in the term time, got depressed and isolated and eventually flunked his course. Waiting to see what DS2 does but if he wants to come home, even though he will be missing out on his social development I will leave it to him.

I do agree that kids do seem to be less keen to "participate" in university life now. I have several reports of students being disappointed that their flatmates/hallmates disappear home every weekend. Dn, at Royal Holloway, complained that all three of her flatmates went home every Friday to Monday morning. So she had no choice but to do the same.

I've heard this too (only ever anecdotally but multiple times in recent years relating to several different universities) - I wonder why this would be? Given the high proportion of current graduates who end up living at home after graduation I'm surprised they don't want to make the most of this period of independence. I don't know if it's linked to the high levels of mental illness among students - but that doesn't seem like a complete explanation as so many people are describing students who were basically happy but just preferred to be home very frequently.