The CDE of University Life (2019/20 cohort) - assignments, flat-hunting, Halloween and the end of their first term fast approaching

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread - Obvs the end of term is looming sooner for some than for others? I guess the Oxbridge posse will finish by the end of November or just into December?

@bigTillyMint Thanks, probably too late/risky to negotiate a better price now as demand is so high.

DS is still thoroughly enjoying the Uni experience despite the stresses of the house search. After a relatively relaxed start, the work's starting to ramp up now and he has 5 assignments to submit before the 6th December!

sturents.com/student-accommodation/durham/

Have a look to see what else is around @Jano69

Thanks @Benjispruce for the link. I think DS's house actually looks reasonably priced now so thanks for the reassurance.

It’s so hard for them because they have to go along with their group. Just had a lovely FaceTime with DD. So lovely to see her face. She had to go in the end as a few were getting together to watch I’m a Celebrity.

I know that my DS has been having a bit of a wobble on the academic side, partly because he leaves everything until it is due, but also due to other factors like finding prolonged periods of study difficult and not really having found a real study method that suits him, and also because of spending too much time sorting out the problems of his mates. Some of his friends from home visited at the weekend, as did his gf, when he could ill afford the time spent with them. They joked that he had become the "mother hen" of the group. It is so hard for him to find the balance between being a good friend and helping those in need.

For those who remember my mentioning DS' friend with MH issues, I got in touch with his family and they have pitched in to help and support him, and he has made himself an appointment with the mental health support team at uni. Also hard for us sometimes to find the line between intrusion and assisting.

Still no word on accommodation from him...

DD has twice tried to buy a new mobile on contract since being at uni and had her application declined twice, I assume due to no credit rating. Any thoughts? She's regularly ordered clothes online and paid by debit card, has an overdraft attached to her student account, she's never used it though and never missed payments for anything.

Long time lurker on HE threads, with a DS in his final year at uni.

Both of mine bought a new phone with birthday/xmas money not long after turning 18, and then got a SIM-only Contract in their own name. We had been told that credit checking was much easier for SIM-only and indeed there were no problems with getting the Contract.

Alternatively, some student accounts allow a Credit Card.

DS got one with his HSBC student ac, only £500 limit but he used it primarily for train fares and made sure it was paid off monthly by DD. He is very sensible with money so I have no concern that he will get into debt.

@ifonly4 is she using her uni address?
They sometimes blacklist all student postcodes. We had it when trying to get a Debenhams card (although they then gave us the 10% off anyway, which was all we were after) and the chap at the help desk told us that.
Tell her to try using her home address and see if that works.

She wants an expensive phone, upfront cost and monthly amount, it happens to be a really good deal through a company we've used before so annoying.

Yes, she is trying to use uni address (and is registered there under electoral register). I'll suggest she try and find out if the uni address is a problem.

For those wondering about exam certificates, dd's arrived in post today.

Now I am worrying about my DS, after thinking he was doing fine with the academic/fun balance. I spoke to him yesterday and he said that he had been wasting a lot of time on the internet and had not managed to get down to work for this week, which is very heavy, with two essays due in. On Sunday night he had stayed up to about 5 in the morning doing nothing much. I talked him through his essay plan and he was clear that he would go to bed at a reasonable time, get up this morning and get in a good day's work to allow him time to go to one of his societies tonight. I sent a cheery message at half past three to see if it had gone well and he announced that he had gone back to sleep after we had texted in the morning and only just woken up! Clearly the result of the previous lack of sleep. He then announced that he was still going to the society tonight and would work afterwards. Would not consider not going. His essay is due in at 3 tomorrow, and he will probably manage to get it in, but I am really disappointed with his attitude about this.

I am sure I'm guilty of horrendous back-packing, and it is up to him whether he works or not, but he has never acted like this before. He seems to be less able to get down to work in the weeks when he has most to do - clearly the result of stress. He seems to be falling into OCD-type behaviours, which is also a stress response, but won't seek help from the counsellors.

The Oxford tutorial systems does rather encourage this sort of behaviour, with all essays written under the fuel of adrenaline at the last moment. I was certainly guilty of this - I can't remember an essay where I didn't write it the night before, but I thought he was more sensible. I'm also worrying about his mental health if he gets into these sorts of sleep/work patterns.

I am trying to convince myself not to interfere - perhaps coming a cropper over this is what he needs to get him to refocus. None of the work is assessed, but his tutors will not take it well if he does not get something in on time.

Talk me down!

@schrodingerskitty read your post back. Take a step back.
Are you feeling stressed because you sound overly anxious about him to me. I know you have a lot going on so that could be influencing your reaction. He will have to work it out and you know sometimes you have to let your chn fail so that they can learn.

Yeah - I'm not good at letting him fail, but that is clearly what I now have to do. I am a bit stressed, but more really cross.

Sorry if my reply sounded judgmental, it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t always practise what I preach!

@Benjispruce: No - you are absolutely right and I'm rather regretting having posted such a screed. It is just that this is very much not normal behaviour for him. But I suppose it is what independence is all about.

Sometimes just typing it all out helps you to vent so don’t regret. I’m sure we’ve all had these thoughts at some point over various issues.

@Benjispruce, DS says there's a power cutsince 5.30 and they have had to vacate their rooms

Oh! Not heard that yet. DD has confirmed 8 days of striking though

DD has just said they’ve had no dinner and possibly won’t be sleeping in college tonight!

Has she gone to the pub?
Where on earth will they put 800 students?!

No, they’re in the foyer and have ordered a pizza! I hope they get a night in a hotel and get reimbursed for food.

Gosh, how stressful for the students, especially if they are trying to get work finished on time. @SchrodingersKitty, my DS has been exactly like this in the last couple of days, and it was all I could do not to drive over and sit on him until the essay was completed and submitted. Unfortunately, this is how he is. I keep hoping he will mature and plan his work properly. I don't know whether he was being truthful when he told me he had done it, as he was expecting to massively fail having left it until last minute and underestimating the amount of work required. They need to work these things out for themselves, though.

DS has always been a procrastinator, last minute lil. He was supposed to be home the other weekend. But the project had to be handed in so he had to work through the weekend finished very late Sunday night. He said he was cross with himself for not buckling down and doing it sooner then he would not have lost the train fare and missed a good weekend at home. He said you know me Mum always last minute. He really does have to knuckle down.

OH only said today that he didn`t miss the arguments because DS was faffing on computer rather than getting on with revision.

@simbobs @justasking111: relieved to know it's not just mine!

Sadly, if my DS doesn't change his ways he may have to conclude that further study is not for him at this point in his life.