The CDE of University Life (2019/20 cohort) - assignments, flat-hunting, Halloween and the end of their first term fast approaching

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread - Obvs the end of term is looming sooner for some than for others? I guess the Oxbridge posse will finish by the end of November or just into December?

"It went up $200 in total for the year when DD1 passed"

Wow, so cheap! It is very difficult to get a less than 4 figure car insurance for young, new drivers.

Never a waste learning to drive, you don’t forget.
@bigTillyMint DD got her phone fixed for £40 in Durham today so is all smiles again. She can’t remember if it had a gin bar next door but she went to 2 and picked the cheapest. They did it in 30 mins. Much cheaper and quicker than she thought as we’d got a quote from Timpsons at £80 just for the screen! Thanks

Insurance in his own name for 17 year old DS in slightly used Citigo was £600. It cost me another £100 to add on DS2 within the year (by that point DS1 had turned 18). Renewed this year and it's under £500 for the two of them.

The original intention was to get the insurance in DS2s name with DS1 as the named driver for the 2nd year as we felt DS2 would do more miles if he was at home but since he's now away at Uni and Ds1 is home, we've left it as it is.
Tthat's with Insure the Box. they had to get a wee box fitted to the car.

My own insurance for the same car is £120 a year though!

Just back from visiting DS in Oxford and feeling rather down. He had a lot of work to do, and didn't manage to get on top of it soon enough, so we couldn't spend as much time with him as we had hoped. On the Friday night (his birthday) we had a nice meal and then he went off for a pub crawl with a society. On the Saturday we had a good walk before the rain set in and then some lunch, then DH went back to hotel (he's trying to shake off a virus that has been three weeks and counting, made particularly pernicious by the long-term steroids he had to shrink brain tumour). I went to room with DS and we discussed his academic work a bit (he wanted some advice) then he got on with work and I went out to various supermarkets in pouring rain to stock him up with breakfast foods. Later we had a pretty lacklustre meal. This morning we had aimed to do museums without him while he got his work finished, then have a walk in the returned sun. But DH felt faint in museum so we went round to see DS early, helped him sort his room out a bit and then had an early lunch and left. Epic train journey with Sunday delays but we are now home.

I feel quite low - DS is clearly pretty settled and twice spontaneously told us that he is really happy, but he is also getting into rather obsessional spirals of anxiety as he is prone to do. He was also clearly finding it a bit difficult having us there - he wanted to get on with his own things. I know rationally that this is exactly what should happen, but we have always been very close and it was a bit of a shock. He wasn't really interested in doing birthday things at all. DH thinks I'm being ridiculous and that he's fine. He's probably right.

I managed to get them both signed up to a family What'sApp group so at least I can see when DS has read a text, even if he's increasingly not answering.

DS is a bit stressed out with work that has to be handed in tomorrow so had a brief messenger conversation. Decided it was best not to visit because he really is working hard and wants to get good marks on his projects. He was coming home this weekend but the workload meant he had to cancel. Roll on xmas.

Massive hug @SchrodingersKitty

Thanks, @Alicatz66 - much needed. I feel ludicrously weepy, which is ridiculous. It's like I've finally seen that he is off and independent and separate, in a way that hasn't been nearly so clear when supporting him through all the crises at a remove. The fact that he's my only one (much older step-children) makes it harder. And the worry about DH's health is always there too. (DS seems not to be worrying about this at all, though, so that's good).

As hard as it is Kitty, it really is a good thing and you know that yourself. It's just hard when they don't need you as much and they have their own stuff going on. I'm sure once he gets more settled and into the swing of it all he'll relax a bit and communication with step up again. Its just hard to be patient and still be there when he needs you. Doubly hard when you have other things going on yourselves that you could do with distracting from.

Don't be hard on yourself @SchrodingersKitty .... you have so much on your plate right now ... my DS was home for a few days as reading week .. he just ate all the food, went to the gym and messed everywhere up !!

@Benjispruce Yay!

@SchrodingersKitty, big hugs. It is a relief to see them not just managing but loving their new life, but also hard to know they are onto the next step of their lives away from you. I cried buckets when I went to see DD after 3 weeks - I was so pleased for her, but..... It does get easier, but I know you have the added worries about your DH.

@SchrodingersKitty it may also have been hard for your DS to see you and DH with the health worry as when you’re far away he can almost pretend it’s not real. I know when my DM was ill, my DSiS was quite distant, it was her way of dealing with something difficult. My way was to be in touch with DM daily. He’ll soon be home.
DD has realised she needs to reduce her spending and has applied for a Christmas job for when she’s home. Didn’t even have to suggest it.

@ShrodingersKitty I know it's a cliche but it is a case of us having to set our DC free when they go to university. I guess it's still very early days for them, they are making an impression on newly made friends and parents visiting doesn't necessarily fit their own narrative for this term. I am sure that once DS is home for Christmas you will find him more his usual self.

How is everything going with your DH?

It is a very hard time for you having to be so supportive to your DH and your DS. I hope you are getting some support from friends and family to get you through this emotional time.

* @SchrodingersKitty* from me as well. It is a positive thing that your son looks like he is coping. I hope your husband feels better soon as well.

DD has loads of work and is struggling with juggling her work load and social life. She isn't partying, but just wants to socialise instaed of working all the time.

She wanted to go to the Christmas lights switch on but had some work to finish. Health-wise she isn't doing very well and has just started her fourth cold in succession while still fighting off an ear infection. She is also suffering from loads of headaches.

Sounds like the work has intensified for everyone this week. Dd up to her eyeballs in work and still has a cough from freshers flu (I do too as she gave it to me!).
She was feeling pretty rotten but has, at last, got a ‘big coat’. Now she just needs a rucksack instead of her old tote bag and I won’t be able to pester her anymore .

DD said it ramped suddenly last week. The one time that she was too ill to attend lectures. She has exams before and after Christmas. Who was it thst said A levels were harder than degrees?

Yes dd has said the workload has grown over the last few weeks. She's now a student rep for her course and says she only signed up for free Dominos but it's actually quite a lot of work

Yes DD said she had lots of work to do this weekend. Also said she probably won’t come back now before Christmas but will book her train ticket, looking on trainsplit, this week. She said she was really happy but had to buy more sports gear as her college is very sporty and needed new trainers as hers were from year11 so I dutifully pinged some dosh over. I’ve ordered a Boots delivery too as she said the veggie alternatives were a bit hit and miss so vitamins and some toiletries winging their way too.I know I’m Rucksackin-no g.

DD hasn't joined many societies as she just doesn't have the time or the energy. It's s shame as she could do with having different circles of friends.

Dd has sent me links to the Uni netball kit. Not sure if this means she wants me to buy it for her - I'm presuming she does but really she has plenty of cash!!

DS back at Bath. Seems happy enough - its just so much nicer having them around you than short staccato text messages that you can't really get any context from. Much less worried about him now I know he's settling in ok and can hopefully focus on his studies

Gave him a hug at the station and he didn't tell me to sod off - thats an improvement! And he took the nespresso machine back with him along with his squash racket.

@Trewser I'd get her to buy it herself or offer to buy it for her as a Christmas present!!! DS did this, asking for a new dressing gown (he left his at home) a couple of weeks ago. I nearly fell for it but then remembered that he hardly seems to be spending any of his money. Surely that's what their loan/money we're giving them is for?

She hasn't touched the money she saved over the summer and still seems to be having a ridiculous social life. Meanwhile we are scrimping and saving to pay the shortfall in accommodation plus her living money! I'm giving her 75/80 a week but its far too much. She's only spending 25 on food!

@Trewser that sounds like DS, although he didn't earn anything over the summer. He is spending very little, and yes, like you we are scrimping to top up his maintenance loan. I shall be reviewing how much we give him next term, as clearly £300 a month is too much!

@NewModelArmyMayhem18: thanks for asking. I’m not entirely sure about how things are going with DH. He’s supposed to have a scan in about a week to see if the tumour (which shrank to nothing on steroids) has come back. If it has it’s another brain biopsy then culturing of sample then diagnosis and decisions about treatment. If it hasn’t then I suppose it is waiting and seeing. He’s been very hard hit with this virus and feeling very sorry for himself (he very rarely gets chest infections so expects it to be over instantly). He has obviously been brooding about symptoms though keeps denying it. I knew that when we got back from visiting DS he’d announce concerns and sure enough this morning he said he had some worries. I think what is concerning me more is that he seems to be in denial and wants to assume it won’t come back, while the doctors seem to be assuming it will. They think it is probably the lymphoma he had two years ago, but it is not typical.

So long shot is we know nothing still. Things should become clearer in a few weeks. Both DH and DS pretty much in denial.