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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - settling in we hope

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 26/09/2019 12:16

Previous thread - sorry about the lame thread title but done in a hurry!

OP posts:
Benjispruce · 03/10/2019 16:14

@MrKlaw on moving in day, after we’d made the bed etc I put the door wedge in and said let’s go and find the bathroom etc and DD piped up “I’m not leaving my Mac book on show!” so it seems she’s more security conscious than me!
@simbobs did your son get his card situation sorted?

FlyingSquid · 03/10/2019 16:26

DishingOutDone - DS1 was allowed to stop and restart his first year free of tuition fees. Other DCs we know have restarted somewhere new after the first year and have taken an extra year of loan for it. Unless the system has changed, I believe everyone is permitted one mistake and restart.

Obviously you do repay the extra loan in the end, but the initial repayments will be the same anyway.

simbobs · 03/10/2019 16:27

Somehow he must have sorted it out as I have not heard more about it. I am annoyed that he has not joined any societies and is wanting a town rather than uni gym.

Ginfordinner · 03/10/2019 16:28

DD rang me this afternoon to ask me to bring some cupcake cases. It seems she is baking for her flatmates. She is currently making a carrot cake. She says her flatmates are still lovely. I don't know very much about anything else yet, but we are visiting her on Saturday so will get the lowdown then.

Ingles2 · 03/10/2019 16:32

yep totally agree @justasking111 it's definite wide eyed, open mouthed, can't believe their luck at all the opportunities ... much more likely to crash and burn, but fingers crossed Grin

Benjispruce · 03/10/2019 16:34

@simbobs that’s good to hear about card.
DD just text to thank for parcel with things she left/ordered late. Quick few texts confirmed she was happy, had managed daily showers and loves the food/salad bar and flat white button on coffee machine in canteen! She’s a coffee lover and was a barista for the last couple of years so that will keep her happySmile

bigTillyMint · 03/10/2019 16:35

@Ginfordinner, that sounds great!
@bengalcat, love that she was proud of a £2 curry!

Bouledeneige · 03/10/2019 16:45

I'm sorry to hear some of your DC are struggling. But I'm not surprised - it's a big transition and disconnect from all your usual comforts and customs. It's perfectly natural to take time to find your feet and your people. I remember this happening to a number of my friends back in the day.

Even then, I'm sure those whose DC have dived straight in are very aware that it wont all be plain sailing from here. There are bound to be bumps in the road and fallings out. You might hit it off at first, but hard partying might just delay the recognition that you don't have as much in common with your first friends as you thought.

DD and I talked about this a lot before she went (she had an extra year at home doing an Art foundation course before going). We recognised how high the expectations are to have an amazing time and meet millions of friends. We discussed the fact that first friends are not necessarily your forever friends and that group dynamics can shift and fractures occur down the track. And knowing my DD there is always potential for disappointments and dramas with her friends! I won't be surprised at all if she's in the phone about this in a few weeks time.

All we can do is be there to listen, encourage and try to instil hope. To recognise that making friends and growing a sense of belonging and fitting in isn't always easy and can shake the confidence. And to reassure that things can and often do change.

I know a few people whose DCs have not enjoyed their 1st term. Some soldiered on, others started again a year later. Older and wiser. And yes - with an extra year of loan. But I don't know anyone whose kid has dropped out and not moved onto a new college. So their will wasn't broken by the experience. It's a very random process - who you live with and who you meet - it's bound not to be right every time.

mum2eim · 03/10/2019 16:46

Smoke??? SMILE!!! Nearly fell off my chair laughing at the image of a student blowing smoke at other students!

Had a reluctant photo off DD of matriculation and she’s smiling so that’s good. Monosyllabic messages from her to DH. I think maybe she’s telling us to back off so going to do just that. She’s messaged my brother, So she’s in contact just not with me!

Benjispruce · 03/10/2019 16:48

I’m expecting a low when the Freshers fun ends. It’s all normal.

Trewser · 03/10/2019 16:54

Yes im expecting a crash and burn in the next few weeks

Ginfordinner · 03/10/2019 16:58

Everyone in DD's flat, including DD has "freshers flu"

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 03/10/2019 17:07

Numbers we said the same to DD about giving it til xmas and not expecting to settle immediately. Especially as from our own experiences, I was pretty miserable for the first term before I found dh my friends and DH dropped out of his first uni, worked for the remainder of that academic year and then did an entirely different degree at a local uni whilst living at home.

Still no sign of her Totum card (although her Co-op/Boots cards have arrived very quickly) I guess it's a very busy time of year for them though.

Benjispruce · 03/10/2019 17:51

Just had a real phone conversation with DD. She has barely any voice so I’m glad I included sore throat sweets in her first aid bag. She is exhausted, getting in at 4 and up at 7 most days. She has found more friends in different places, found some people on her floor in private school cliques which is a shame but she’s not bothered and has made other friends. She loved her course professor and has joined lots of groups/societies. They’ve been into the city clubbing a few nights plus walked in, in the day too to look around. Done so much more than the photos showed. Apparently tonight there is an actual Twister fair ride outside college! She says her body desperately needs sleep but she’s determined to enjoy it all. I just want her to go to bed! Confused

justasking111 · 03/10/2019 18:15

Really it is a stupid time of the year to start uni. with the nights drawing in and only cold rainy/sleety weather to look at until the christmas break. It would make more sense if university started in January and the students could look forward to spring.

bigTillyMint · 03/10/2019 18:20

@Benjispruce, sounds like your DD might have been to the same places as DS, but he doesn't like fairground rides!
He didn't mention anything at all about his course, so I am slightly worried whether he's gone to all the meetings now...

dancingdirty · 03/10/2019 18:24

Thanks all for the reassurance. She is only an hour away but I am concerned a visit might make it worse!
However her brother was off work today so he went over and took her for lunch. He said she seems a bit better now.
Also her snap chat had updates of a night out last night so hoping things are on the up a bit

Benjispruce · 03/10/2019 18:26

@bigTillyMintI think it was just an initial meeting with small group of students, I think she said 3, at a time. Didn’t they have a subject lunch the other day?
I’ve just realised the @ thing on here, doh!
I am late to the party!

Smallblanket · 03/10/2019 19:00

I started another thread but have seen this one now. My DD is not enjoying herself - it's really surprising because out of all my kids she is usually the most confident and outgoing. So I am going make the very long trip to see her this weekend - I wasn't going to but she was truly delighted when I offered.
Her problem is that her accommodation is on one campus but her faculty is on the other one - half hour bus ride away, and pretty much everyone else on the course is living on the other campus so she's feeling a bit isolated.
Anyway, I think she will be OK long term. I have another DC with ASD who has difficulties of a whole other magnitude - but at another uni in a different direction. She has now transferred her credits to a different uni in the same town - in answer to someone's question below - it is possible, you just need to ask the institution concerned - I expect easier to trade "down" for want of a better word, than trade "up".

MrKlaw · 03/10/2019 19:13

Hold out til Xmas can seem miles away - 10 more weeks. Not heard from DS much but I’d maybe split the difference and say why not pop hone at half term or you go down and have a meal with them?

MrKlaw · 03/10/2019 19:14

I am glad he has a very structured timetable though being maths (with lots of workshop support) - an emptier timetable with a humanities subject I think would have been a harder adjustment for him

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 03/10/2019 19:55

DD - starting with intros on Monday has spent the afternoon reading her study guides, trying to decide on a timetable before venturing onto AGNES, that's what the online system is called.
AGNES can be tricky and is bound to die on you when you've just about ready to save.

Jano69 · 03/10/2019 20:06

Sorry to hear some freshers are struggling. It's very early days and so much can change over the next few weeks.

I was fortunate to receive some informal matriculation photos today - on the bridge near Durham cathedral in glorious sunshine. No gowns - but DS and his friends looked very smart in their Stephenson ties and scarves.

icanbewhatiwant · 03/10/2019 20:07

I tried the dog photo thing. 2 photos sent one of each dog. I told ds I asked the dogs to pose for a photo and sent them through. He read the message almost immediately. No comment though.

bigTillyMint · 03/10/2019 20:18

@Benjispruce, I have no idea of what he has on this week, having only had a quick glance at the things that came in the welcome pack Blush Hopefully we'll get some sense out of him at some point!