Going to university (2019/20 academic year) - wave goodbye to family, say hello to fellow students and key uni staff and they're settling in (hopefully)

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread. Possibly a little precipitous but for some of our DC their university start date is only just over a fortnight away. Yikes!

@Atreus My ds is also going to Bath. What will your dd be studying? All the adults I know think will be a lovely place to visit. Hope ds won’t find it too quiet. Freshers week looks very tame compared with dd’s Northern university! Luckily ds is not such a party animal

I have to say, I do miss DS and I had a tear in my eye when we hugged goodbye (but I didn't let him see) but i'm excited for him and I know he needs this to grow and it will be good for him. I've not been upset and would definitely not be posting anything on personal/identifiable social media that he might see. I want him to be confident and independent, isn't that what we are supposed to be achieving as parents?

I've messaged him 3 times though . First was to send him the picture I took of him in the room which I said I would send on and forgot before we left. He said thank you. 2nd was to send him photos of all his medical docs which I thought he'd need to register with the GP and we'd forgotten to copy them before he left. I added to that that he should feel free to let us know how he was getting on. Also replied thanks. Messaged today to ask him how thing were going and to tell him that DH has broken his hand, he replied saying he hoped it gets better soon and that he's doing fine and will call tomorrow.

I'm trying to steer between being overly intrusive but letting him know that we care - never done this before so no idea what i'm doing!

I felt teary yesterday because my DSs (aged 18 and 15) were playing in the garden together. Bless. They are doing a three day garden cricket test match. It's only taken 15 years to play nicely!

They will miss each other's company

Happy to admit I am sad and say that DS may not cope without me.

Sorry not sorry!

I’m sad at the end of an era but excited for DD as she’s nearly 19 and she needs to go and do this. It’s what she’s worked so hard for. She’s off to Europe tomorrow with a friend so I’m getting used to saying goodbye for a while. She’s not overly sentimental and that helps me. I don’t do Facebook, left years ago. Mumsnet is my only time waster now!

@WaxOnFeckOff I can imagine I'll be messaging my ds when he starts. He's quite good at replying and knows I worry (when he's out in his car, mostly) but ds2 thinks it's really funny to not reply to my messages. He knows I worry and finds it funny.
I don't think I'll be upset dropping him off, I have 2 more ds's at home, also he's not that far away. I do wonder how he will get on without me...I do far too much for him. But he will be fine I'm sure. Perhaps they will be more appreciative of parents when they come home.

ican that’s what I’m hoping. DD is messy and a bit lazy around the house and no amount of nagging has any effect. I’m hoping when she starts looking after herself away she’ll bring it home with her.

I do feel a sense of loss at the thought of her not being here. Not worry about her coping, just missing her company. She's easing me in gently by being in Italy right now. She saw a cheap flight and went for it. None of her friends could afford it so she's alone, which concerns me somewhat, but she's sensible enough.

@mimiasovitch that's a difference between girls and boys...the boys don't really want to be in my company much, or maybe that's just my boys? My youngest often does, he's only 10. But once they get to teens they don't want to be around us so much.

Ds is now 19 as his birthday is early September. I've always felt as if he's always acted so much older than his friends and has been ready to leave home for ages now. If he had been born on time - he was v overdue! - he would have already been at uni for a year. I feel as if he needs to be his own person now, enjoy his favourite subject and hopefully make some good close friendships. I will miss him lots but am too busy with other things (general life) to be getting in a tizz about it all. I will probably have a 'moment' when I least expect it.

Saying all this, now if and when my second son goes I will be petrified - a lot of it is your ds / dd personality / life skills. Ds1 is ok in that way, so i will have my tizz with ds2 probably!!

@icanbewhatiwant could be the case. It probably doesn't help that she also works in my restaurant, so I've spent a lot more time with her this summer than usual. I'm sure I'll adjust to the new normal - everyone does after all - it's just the transition itself I don't like.

@mimiasovitch that's the opposite to us...we are seeing less of each other, ds is working from 7.30am till at least 8pm at the moment. So he's hardly been around. One place has been empty at the dinner table the past couple of weeks as his working hours are getting longer as work gets busy. So I'm getting broken in gently.

DS only just 18 - at this stage can be such a big difference when they can be a year apart but still freshers.

He’s a good boy - can cook and is thoughtful & conscientious. Just needs that rounded common sense which hopefully will come naturally when he’s living independently. I think he’ll be fine as long as he can get his feet under the table and his study habits sorted out

The average scottish student will only be just 18, some will still be 17 for a while and if they go at the end of 5th year and not 6th, some might only be 16. My SiL tells the story about when her DS went off to York and turned up at the student union, they had pictures of all the underage students on a big chart behind the bar so he wasn't able to get served (not 18 until end December). He just lurked in a corner and hoped his new friends would help him out. :)

My DS1 has only just turned 19 and is going into 2nd year and DS2 just turned 18. There is a big difference but then I think half that is personality.

@Decorhate my DD is doing Biomedical Sciences. I'm super happy with her choice and looking forward to some weekends in Bath across the next few years! Two hours from home so far enough to be independent, and close enough to meet for lunch (if she lets us). She's quite self sufficient but can be quite shy to start off with before she warms up so I think she's quite happy that Freshers week is not massively full on. She's joined the group chats for her hall and course and introduced herself but happy lurking I think. She did say she had bought a ticket for the City UV Neon rave though (and is planning to buy the freshers wrist band)...so maybe not as shy as I think! What course/hall is your DS at?

I did have a bit of a moment last night when I realised that DD is off in a little over 3 weeks. And I know I'm going to be shedding a tear when we leave her and drive off.

I'm proud, though. Proud for her to be going off to uni for 2 reasons. One is that she very anti social indeed - has always made a good impression with adults, but struggled with friendships and finds it hard to make time for friendships if they might cause her stress.

And proud that she's the first person in a couple of generations in our family to go away to uni. I have a degree but had to go to the local poly to get it as it was that or don't go as my parents couldn't afford and never discussed my going away. Not that I minded at the time.

So I've very proud. Both of her embracing it. And for getting the results that meant she could go to her first choice.

She's had a few wobbles. :) When she asked if she could just not go, recently. I told her fine. She could just get a job then instead.

"Oh well, I'll be off then," she said.

DC2 has apparently only just realised that DC1 is actually going in less than 2 weeks. Claims they thought Uni wasn't until January!!!

I've mentioned this once already ... if your DCs have postal addresses already , they may want to register to vote at their uni address asap!

Annoyingly mine - due to go to one of the most marginal constituencies in the UK - doesn't have an address yet.

... or they can request a postal vote in their 'home' address. Some tactical decisions to be made according to views!

Well quite. But our current constituency is no fun to vote in. Nadine Dorries. Say no more.

I've mentioned this once already ... if your DCs have postal addresses already , they may want to register to vote at their uni address asap!

Good point piggy and probably cannot be made too often. Certainly where your DC is off to is a real bell-weather constituency. With everything going on I'm not sure that anywhere now, in England or Wales at least, is really a safe seat.

Dd's gone to register in Durham straight away tonight. She says more point voting there than here as we're so far one way that no one else stands a chance.