Can a full time mum do this?

[RobinHobb]

Right. Let me get this down and organise my thoughts. I'd really be grateful for input.

For ten years I've had a good well paying very competitive job. I've done well and been promoted consistently but been completely disinterested in it, just doing it because I had to.

My dream has always been to do a phd in a completely different field (biosciences) but it's never happened. After Dd1 I went back to the well paying high flying job and HATED being separated from her, and so after Dd2 when my employer offered me redundancy with a big pay out I took it with both hands. Now for the last two years I've been a SAHM to DC who are 3.5yo and 1.5yo. Because I was bored and I'm that kind of person I did some OU modules in my subject of interest and loved it.

Last month I applied for a MSc in biosciences at a top flight university in London, thinking nothing would come of it. They have replied and offered me a position this year...!!!

But here is the thing. DH and I agree we can pay for full time childcare while I do my degree out of the payout I got . Our current part time nanny is willing to go full time and the kids adore her. So that's good.

But our nanny can't drive so I would have to drop Dd1 to preschool (where she currently is) at 830 in the morning and pick her up 3pm, 4 days a week, and at 12pm 1 day a week to fit with the teaching time table in term 1. Term 2 is less contact time but I will need to do lab work for the dissertation so I'll still need to be away

I don't know if I can do it. I'll be surrounded by bright 20 somethings, and I'll be running back and forth to pick Dd1 up from preschool which is 90minutes commute away from uni so basically limited to three hours at the uni at any stretch. This is without reckoning with the shitty guilt fairy who will be telling me off for leaving the kids (dd2 still so young!) to pursue my stupid ridiculous degree.

Can I do it? Is it even possible with these constraints? I am feeling like it is impossible to do a MSc with these kind of restrictions. It's a tough course leading up to a phd. They won't do a part time course which would be ideal.

All thoughts and input welcome!

Does she have to go to preschool? Something's got to give, and maybe it'll have to be that. Or could you pay someone just to pick her up and drop her off at home? It's not a ridiculous degree, but I do think it would be a lot of strain.

That's ridiculous! You have a nanny yet you're having to arrive late/leave early to do nursery run?! That's what nanny is for.

Taxi, nanny uses public transport, use a nearer nursery, or no nursery or another nanny that can drive.

@SmallAndFarAway
So I had a look at the indicative teaching timetable; in term 1 which is 10 weeks long 4/5 days are 10-1pm lectures so I could do that around dd1 nursery/preschool hours of 9-3. She's currently doing 9-12 but she'll be 4 in October so I think she could do longer days then.
One day of the timetable is 9am -5pm and there is no way I could do the nursery run so that day the plan is she wouldn't be going to preschool and could stay at home with nanny and Dd2.
So in theory that could work but it all feels mental to me
@titchy
Am I being nuts? Should I get a nanny who can drive that'll take the pain out of it? The kids love the current nanny so I didn't want to do that and I'll be away anyway so didn't want to distress them even more. The problem with nanny doing the run on public transport is that there isn't a bus going there (we are deep in Surrey) and also Dd2 would have to go with and that would be a bit of a nightmare....

It does seem nuts paying for childcare that doesn't actually cover your needs! Taxi account? Two nannies? Get current one driving?

You can and should do the degree.

Sort your childcare out so you are less constrained. A full time Nanny should not be this much hassle for you!

Hmmm.
Nanny doesn't have a license, I think the process to get her one even if she was willing would be too much for a faff.
New nanny is a thought. DH is rooting for this option.
Taxi I hadn't thought of but that's a good idea. I'd have to think about a car seat for Dd2 in the taxi as nanny would have to take her with for the nursery run.
New preschool, dd1 just started this one last week! Seems a bit mean to pull her out already but it's a thought. She's there as we want her to attend reception at the school next year, which is very good.
I'll sleep on it...

@AppleKatie
Thank you; I am feeling a bit bogged down and encouragement helps. DH view is that I should pursue my dream now that I have this chance and that it'll actually make me a happier better more fulfilled mum if I pursue my dream.

But a MSc?! Argh! I am about 20x dumber that I was before kids. I can barely spell on MN some days...and that's not even taking into account doing stupid school runs and kids...

I can’t think at home either. Then I get to work and am competent and everything. Going to uni will have this affect on you.

Your DH sounds nice (and right!)

Effect.

Effect.
Effect.
Effect.

Bloody hell. Point proved!

:-)
@AppleKatie
I think even getting into "proper" non mumsy work clothes will help me feel smarter :-) the last time I went to get my hair cut they found a peppa pig sticker in it. I need to sort my head out and remember life before kids.
DH is being super supportive and says I am just panicking and I need to calm down. I told him this is easy for him to say as I put my brain in cold storage after DD2 was born and also I don't know how I'll manage kids and degree. And he told me to have a glass of wine and options about childcare will become clearer as I think about it.

Yes find a nanny or childminder that fits your needs and it is doable. (I did my LPC when my son was 2 using a childminder that worked around me rather than me working around her!! You are paying for a service. Get the service you require!

Reseach public transport using TfL journey planner. Children generally like travelling by bus. Taxi plus ask the pre school if there are other families nearby who might be interested in sharing the run. Schools are supposed to work towards minimising school run traffic and have to report to the local authority on this, so should be helpful. (Indeed there might be someone who might accept payment for taking your child to school.)

I would not give up either a reception place or a good nanny Nor a degree place.

Can you talk to some of the current students or instructors about the real life requirements. My experience is that you will also need to attend random seminars and meetings in addition to the official schedule.

Oh, but I think you should do it. You just can’t count on fitting in 90 minute school runs.

@Needmoresleep
I've had a look at tfl but there is no viable route; we aren't in London. She and Dd2 who will be 2yo in October would have to walk ten minutes to a bus stop, then change bus again twice! and walk another 20 minutes. It would be the same time to walk!
Taxi is viable alternative; I just don't know how to sort out car seats for the kids, but will talk to some companies to see.
You have nailed it when you said I'm trying to secure a good reception place, a good nanny and a degree and don't want to let any of them go!

@Purpleartichoke
I'm realising this...I can't do the school run and then a 90 minute journey to London. Every day! I've basically had a bad experience with a nanny last year where I caught her shouting at Dd2 then 5 months old to stop crying, and that she didn't need to be carried etc (on nanny camera which had actually been installed for builders). Since then I've been really scared of hiring again until we found our current nanny who has other issues but does love the kids to bits and the only thing I've ever caught her doing is kissing cuddling and tickling the baby....that's why I don't want to replace her with a nanny that can drive but I don't trust. It takes ages for me now to trust anyone new with the DC. When they are older and can talk then it's different....

Should I defer a year? I don't know

Unless this is a private school the nursery place will have no influence on the reception place I believe. Will your dd actually meet the reception entry criteria at a high enough level to gain a place? These are often based on distance and it sounds as if you live a fair distance away. If you can’t guarantee the reception place it seems silly to make things so awkward for yourself now.

The main thing is: You should absolutely do this.

The other stuff might need to change, including hiring a new nanny.

Is the journey to preschool doable on a bike? You could get a trailer that would fit both children, which would save you over a taxi every day, you could save taxi for rainy days? You could put your own car seats in the taxi if you've got seat belt only ones. Is there a school bus you can use, if the preschool and school are on the same site?

A nanny who can drive would be the easiest fix though!

You can do it!

Im coming to the end of a degree with 3 under 5 and working PT with no childcare, just a supportive dh and extended family!

Good luck

@Yotam
Yes it is a private school - she goes straight into reception next year. I thought of moving her to local preschool next to us/walking distance but the state school isn't very good and I don't want to do this degree at her expense if that makes sense...

@Tinkoschminko
Thank you! I hope so. Quite scared really. Nanny might have to change but I do like our current nanny. I'm thinking of asking her to get a license and I'll pay for the expense; she did try a few years ago and failed the test.
@melissasummerfield
How on earth did you do it? That's just incredible.

@RobinHobb by the skin of my teeth

I very nearly gave up on more than one occasion but my DH encouraged me to stick it out and i graduate in June!

It helps that i work in the field that the degree is in, and have done for a while so it wasn't like i was going into something completely new to me.

@TheSmallAssassin
Bike isn't an option - too far. I'm going to interview nannies and have a frank chat about this with our current nanny. But at worst I can do the preschool run two days at week by leaving early; one day dd1 won't go at all; and last two days nanny can do with cab. The cab company would have to provide the seats though because lugging two seats out to the road (we don't have a driveway/terraced house) with a baby in a buggy in tow, strapping them in, etc sounds a bit of hassle. I don't know how possible that is and brings me back to the fact new nanny is probably best solution....
Have put a profile up on childcare.co.uk!
I think I'll actually be able to think about the enormity of the work in front of me once I've decided on childcare....

You can certainly do it if you have full-time or close to full-time childcare and are fairly efficient - which tends to come with maturity. Doesn't necessarily need to be quite full-time as a course is normally more flexible than a job, so you can do some work at home in the evenings, when the children are in bed or DH can have them. I'd recommend doing as much as you can in a regular working day though.

But it sounds like you need to be at the university a fair bit, and in any case spending all that time driving in the middle of the day is just crazy!!! 90 mins from pre-school to your regular place of work or study makes absolutely no sense and there has to be a better way.

Plenty of options. Most of which have already been suggested. New nanny. Nanny learns to drive. Nanny uses public transport/taxi. New pre-school near university (maybe). DH does more. No pre-school. Lift share with friends. Combine reduced hours from old nanny with someone who you pay just to do the drop offs...Some mix of the above...

But categorically don't spend 3 hours of your precious time in the working day driving about!! Same if you were working.

@melissasummerfield
Congratulations!!! That's a great achievement. It really is; I have two kids and I don't know what's going on half the time...
the other day I left a message for someone at "the genetics institute" and accidentally said institution instead of institute. DH over heard me and rolled his eyes and said "you know an institution is where you commit insane people right?"