Can a full time mum do this?

[RobinHobb]

Right. Let me get this down and organise my thoughts. I'd really be grateful for input.

For ten years I've had a good well paying very competitive job. I've done well and been promoted consistently but been completely disinterested in it, just doing it because I had to.

My dream has always been to do a phd in a completely different field (biosciences) but it's never happened. After Dd1 I went back to the well paying high flying job and HATED being separated from her, and so after Dd2 when my employer offered me redundancy with a big pay out I took it with both hands. Now for the last two years I've been a SAHM to DC who are 3.5yo and 1.5yo. Because I was bored and I'm that kind of person I did some OU modules in my subject of interest and loved it.

Last month I applied for a MSc in biosciences at a top flight university in London, thinking nothing would come of it. They have replied and offered me a position this year...!!!

But here is the thing. DH and I agree we can pay for full time childcare while I do my degree out of the payout I got . Our current part time nanny is willing to go full time and the kids adore her. So that's good.

But our nanny can't drive so I would have to drop Dd1 to preschool (where she currently is) at 830 in the morning and pick her up 3pm, 4 days a week, and at 12pm 1 day a week to fit with the teaching time table in term 1. Term 2 is less contact time but I will need to do lab work for the dissertation so I'll still need to be away

I don't know if I can do it. I'll be surrounded by bright 20 somethings, and I'll be running back and forth to pick Dd1 up from preschool which is 90minutes commute away from uni so basically limited to three hours at the uni at any stretch. This is without reckoning with the shitty guilt fairy who will be telling me off for leaving the kids (dd2 still so young!) to pursue my stupid ridiculous degree.

Can I do it? Is it even possible with these constraints? I am feeling like it is impossible to do a MSc with these kind of restrictions. It's a tough course leading up to a phd. They won't do a part time course which would be ideal.

All thoughts and input welcome!

Oh thank you @RobinHobb no one ever warns you that post children somedays you feel like your IQ has halved

Not that anyone ever listens to me at home over all the racket

How many minutes walk would it be with kids in a double buggy? (you mentioned upthread that walking to/from bus stop + changing bus would be same time as walking)

@Ringsender2
Google maps says walk is 1hr 16minutes
By bus all told with two changes it is 1hr 14 minutes assuming buses in time etc
By car it is a 9 minute drive
Depths of Surrey!
Re getting to uni I'd drop dd1 at 830; catch train by 845/9; 30 minute ride to Waterloo from the station and then 15/20 odd minutes on tube etc to get to uni/labs.

Does the timetable you’ve seen account for tutorials, lab time, seminars, library research time, group working etc? Or is it just lectures? On my MSc, lectures were only about 40-50% of the time commitment. Much of my coursework could only be done in the university labs.

@BikeRunSki
Sigh
It's only lectures... and I'd need time in labs, but I'm hoping three full days (pick ups covered by nanny in cab) and two mornings till 130 (I'd be doing the pick ups those days) would work.
What do you think, having done a lab based masters? Mine is biosciences so also lab based; I thought that would be enough..
Maybe it'll only be clear to me once I start the course, I rather naively thought I'd be allowed to do the course part time...

Dear Op. Study go for it. I'm doing my MSC and it's full time 5 days a week but it's the best for my family next year all will be over. I disagree with the nanny option. You have someone reliable and loving. I wouldn't change her. Don't you have any relatives/friends that can give you a hand with the school run? Don't worry you can do it. Xx

@Pinkybutterfly
No friends/relatives to help with the run. Just me and DH can probably do it in an emergency...

@RobinHobb I really want you to do this, but you also really need to think about the practicality. My MSc was virtually full time . I had something like 32 department based hours a week. There was a fair bit of “trapped time” too. Eg: lecture 9-11; tutorial 12-1; lab 2-4. The time from 11-12 and 1-2 was not timetabled, but not that useful either. And whilst most niversity students don’t have anything timetabled on Wednesday afternoons, we often had field trips. I’m a Geologist, did my MSc in Newcastle.

@BikeRunSki
That scares me. I'm willing to get and pay for FT childcare; but just that I didn't want to change from my current nanny who can't take the stress out of the equation by doing the school run.
I'm also a bit scared of the guilt that will overwhelm me for leaving the DC but I'm guessing this is something every working mum goes through..,,

Is there any way you can talk to current students @RobinHobb? My experience of a different subject at a different university is probably not that indicative of the contact time you will be expected to commit to.

Does your travel time allow for an “wiggle room”?

I’ve spoken to the course coordinator; I might ask her to speak to current students. I’d also like to know how many group assignments etc there are as those would be a pain to coordinate...,
The travel time is a standard commute in from Surrey. It could be 15minutes less or more depending on traffic to the station, the tube and how kindly South West trains are feeling. DH does it daily and I used to do it pre DC. Meh.
My next challenge is to find a cab company or someone to do pick ups for me. If that’s sorted then I can focus on the actual mechanics of the course!

Did my MSc at top London uni started 4 weeks after my 40th, happened to be 2 weeks after a C-section. 90 minutes by train each way. Went back to work part time 3 months later.
It was all absolutely bonkers, and an organisational nightmare. And I loved it. Best time of my life. Got on like a house on fire with lecturers/tutors as i was one of the few they could see was in love with subject and enjoying learning. Was fab. Breezed through exams because so much easier to learn when you are proper grown up and can take it in as you learn it.
You absolutely have to go for it.

I’d say go for it - you sound very organised and able to think it all through sensibly, plus you have a supportive DH, so you can almost certainly make it work... for all of you. It would only be more difficult if you wait until the children are older.

It sounds as if keeping the current nanny would be best for the children as they are happy with her, and finding another good one is not easy. I think I would use taxis for her to take DD1 to the current preschool as much as you can afford, and maybe reduce DD1’s days if it’s too expensive to do all of them this way?

(I didn’t pursue my career and have always regretted going into admin, which fitted in to the rest of life easily but has meant my working life has always been totally unfulfilling.... and it’s harder to get back into your original field the longer you leave it.)

Which Uni is it? If it's where I work (DM me if you'd rather) we have an outstanding nursery onsite that that is also subsidised, could this be an option? Hours are 8-30 to 5-30 (I think).

Go for it!

@TheBlessedCheesemaker
How on earth did you do that? What are your top tips? That sounds incredible.
I'm grateful for all the words here from lovely kind mumsnetters. Having a bit of crisis of confidence (aside from child care logistics!) about competing with 20 somethings...

Could you pay for nanny to learn to drive

@ItsInTheSpoon
Thank you! I hope I can do it. I'll have to be very organised and focussed because all my very limited baby free time will be spent studying. I did think of deferring for a year, as it might easier when DC are 1 years older, because dd1 will be in reception and Dd2 will be in preschool mornings till 12. But that will have its own complications and better to just do it now. Im under no illusions it'll be tough....

@Chartreuser
Yes it is! :-)
Just had a google and the uni has an excellent nursery on site. I had no idea! Thank you.
The thing is though I wouldn't bring both kids in 75-90 minute commute in the mornings (they are 3.5 and 1.5 yo) and back in the evenings. If I went down the nursery route I'd put them in nursery local to me, and drop them on way to station and pick them up on way back.
But that anyway doesn't work as dd1 is in preschool and we want to keep her there to get her place in reception next year. DH very super supportive but agrees with me that we mustn't mess with dc education/school having decided this is the best thing for her.
Prefer to have a nanny to nursery in this situation... but if we lived closer I would definitely be using the nursery!

@StealthPolarBear
Well! Thinking about it!
Nanny mentioned to me ages ago that she had tried for her license and failed the test. Now I don't know how long ago this was, so I'm going to speak to her tomorrow and have a full and frank discussion about whether she would be willing to try again and how far away she thinks she might be from passing. We have till September, the school run is a 9 minute drive and usually with traffic so not too hard for a new driver to do; and we would pay for the test (I can't remember how much it costs!). Lessons we would maybe split the cost.
If she isn't willing then it's the taxi route as long as I can do something about car seats for the journey.

H teaches biosciences masters, not London but ... it's full time as I'm apart from lectures there's seminars, tutorials, labs etc very much 9-5 plus evenings to complete assignments. The school run fixed times could be a real problem, labs are twice a week all pm here for the first term and in the second half of the year they are allocated to a lab where they are meant to be 9-5, there's a little flexibility eg arriving at 9.15 but leaving mid pm would not work

I’m studying myself. The timetables tend to be really inconvenient for full time students. I wouldn’t count on being able to do drop offs and pick ups.

I suspect some taxi firms will have car seats

OP where are you that a pre school links to reception admission? Is this private or state?

It isn’t usual that the two link up.

Re the car seats do you not have a buggy shed at nursery? Plenty of people used to leave car seats in there too if you do go down the taxi route

Beware that, in the state system, attendance at a preschool does not guarantee a place at the associated infant/primary/first school.