Oxbridge Applications 2019 (Part Three)

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Today is a big day for many... time for a new thread too

hubbleisback you are right that tutorials would not particularly suit him. He is used to learning in big classes and likes having time to think.

It is such a shame - I think someone else said this earlier - that so many people in this country are so fixated on Oxford and Cambridge as the ultimate prize. It is hard for young people not to have a sense of failure if they are not accepted which is ridiculous for so many reasons.

you can accept a uni place and withdraw your acceptance up to any point before signing any contracts or often even still in the first term often at v little or no cost except accommodation fees.

Firstly, it may well be the whole year's accommodation fees your DC have to pay, unless they can find someone else to take over their tenancy. That money is 'real', needing to be provided in the here and now by the student, unlike their tuition fees, which may well remain a 'virtual' cost to the individial for many years to come. Even the cheaper rooms in halls can cost £3 500 - £4 000 for the year, a not inconsiderable sum to many people

Secondly - and potentially more importantly - by starting studies at the 'wrong' university as a stop-gap while they (re)apply to Oxford, they use up a year's entitlement to tuition fee funding, even if they drop out in time not to be liable to pay back a whole year's fees.

So if they are serious about applying again to Oxford (and certainly if they want to reapply to Cambridge), then taking a gap year is better than starting a university course that they actually hope to waste.

It is not a judgement about his intellect but rather a feeling that this is not the best teaching style for him.
Unfortunately I think that is too simplistic a view that is outdated by number of applicants coupled with the imprecision of the process. Lots of applicants who don’t get a place would have done well in an intense tutorial system. However it is true that they will do as well if not better at other universities just as those who did get a place may have done. There are benefits to each style of university teaching which high achievers can use to their advantage wherever they go.

Talk about helicopter parenting on this thread! Whose going to uni - the parents or their dcs?

Loveweekends10, thank you for your contribution. As has been mentioned in many a thread, many people posting here don’t have a ‘real life’ outlet for their hopes, fears and frustrations, so this is seen as a good place to exhibit the sort of anxieties and neuroses that they can’t show to friends and dc. But it’s always good to have someone policing the thread telling them they’re doing it wrong, so again, appreciate the insight!

I wasn't aware that helicopter parenting now includes fretting about them and hoping that things go well for them. I thought it more sort of monitoring homework feverishly and suchlike. I've never done the latter but I can't imagine not doing the former - it's an entirely natural instinct no matter how old the child. What an empty intervention.

Loveweekends

Perhaps you ought to consider a little extra study yourself; to master the English language.

Why are some people so judgemental? There is no need for it.

HingleMcCringleberry has articulated it perfectly. This is a safe place to let it all out. In the real world, we have to conceal both our disappointments and pride. In fairness, LoveWeekends10's reference to helicopter parenting provides a helpful reminder that the content shared on this forum would in many cases be unacceptable to vocalise elsewhere.

These threads usually include occasional gentle counsel on avoiding 'helicoptering', if anyone is actually showing signs of it.

• Helicopter parenting is believed to revolve around three primary behaviors: 1 Doing for children what they can do for themselves. 2 Doing for children what they can almost do for themselves. 3 Making parenting decisions based on your ego.*

I don't think the thread is suggestive of helicopter parenting at all, in the sense of swooping in and taking over aspects of the application process. Loveweekends is using the wrong terminology; it's a pointless post.

Yet another cross post! Exactly Errol.

Coleoptera - if your DT2 is still in touch with other applicants he met during the Oxford process who also do not have offers coukd he ask what they are firming/insuring etc as there is a chance he still may end at uni with his new found crowd?

Longtime lurker - DD is waiting for Monday's news. I am a nervous wreck.

Just wanted to add an anecdote to the do you disclose aspect. Not oxbridge but another top UK Uni for a very competitive science subject.

Friend's son missed their offer by 1 point (IB) - on the HL condition and one down on the entire IBDP result. Rejected. Mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer after the Oxbridge application went in (didn't get interview). Family never told referee -they are extremely private. On results day for IB, mum appears with son at school ( in a turban as in the midst of chemo). School takes one look at her and literally jaw dropped. Ref called the uni directly that Friday aft and told them the situation. 2 hours later - before the working day had ended, he was back in. Yes a lovely story but just to say it is worth disclosing somethings as the admissions tutors are human too.

I’m not upset by the helicopter parent comment. I can see why someone might think that. Better than neglecting children I would say.

Good luck Montague. Story about your friend is moving.

Ha ha ha

My user name comes from a time when a poster asked if she should get her DC to do voluntary maths papers over the summer holiday & I said if I asked my son to do that he would fix me with a Basilisk Stare. He's managed to get through A levels , university entrance and indeed now graduated with pretty much no help from me ( the exception being as I mentioned above someone telling me on here he could get his HAT score, which he did not know )

I think the Oxbridge entrance process has a fair few differences from other universities and apart from anything else I don't want to bore my friends to death, whose DCs are doing other things, with my son's particular stuff - so yes nice to be able to stick on a post to a self selecting and interested group & people can post if can post on if they want to.

In the same way that if a DC wants to do Engineering and not sure which course , or wants to apply to a US university , or pros and cons of a gap year etc. It's a way of talking about things which mean you don't have to annoy your own DC with well meant but probably at least at times , questions they do not need or welcome. They have enough to do.

I agree with goodbye and Errol . Indeed , to be lighthearted if I may - I do not think I will ever not think about how DS gets on and whether he is doing well & happy - but with no other place to discuss , I may end up like that sketch - is it Monty Python - where Mum is fussing and John Cleese says wearily , Mother I am 55 and I am a High court judge

Ds is doing things I have no experience of. No chance of me swooping in and doing anything for him , and for that I should imagine he is heartily grateful

If I am a helicopter parent one of the rotor blades is definitely broken!

Come September, you'll not be so much helicopters as bumboats, supplying your DC before they sail off to fresh shores.

Oh Errol we did do that - dropped DS off at university - but we buggered off again pretty quickly - perhaps I have Hubble' s broken rotor in the back of the car

I liked the 3rd point of your post Errol & one thing I think I have learned is that you cannot have ambitions for anyone else apart from yourself. ( Motherhood and apple pie anyone ? ) A friend of DS applied to cambridge because his mother went there and would have loved him to go too. He wanted to go somewhere else ( where he is) and he is happy and I would bet the farm he will do extraordinarily well in finals and do well afterwards .

That said it is very hard to see a DC set their heart on something and not get it.

What's a bumboat ? never heard the expression - more fool me

Coem over to the non Oxbridge thread. We aren't just helicopters... we're like the fleet of helicopters in Apocalypse Now over there! It's lovely.

oops come

I was hoping to just move away from the thread in a mature and accepting manner but I find myself extremely glum.

I’m surprised by my feelings, we are rather practical down to earth folk and certainly not ‘dwellers’. I’m so sad for DD, she was so devastated on Wednesday. Mostly I’m upset because she works so hard, never shirks effort and does everything right. She’s had some shit friendship issues over the years and generally felt the odd one out for a long time until she met her small and solid friendship group. I wanted this for her, to show her that hard work, dedication, enthusiasm and being a generally good egg pays off. Her brother, is one of those clever individuals who seem to succeed with far less effort.

I just wanted to show her that you do get the breaks sometimes.

Sorry - entirely selfish post there, this is really the only place to dump. I know she’ll thrive elsewhere. I know all the practical stuff, I really do.

Sorry.

I can't say I know how you feel because I obviously don't. It may surprise you to hear though that even successful students can feel deflated following decision day. I certainly felt very strange afterwards. You perhaps need to speak to people who are a year on from where you are right now. The news is still very fresh but time will put things in perspective for you and DD. I can only say that DC I know who were quite distressed last year are now so happy and settled elsewhere (to the point where my DS is a bit jealous).
for you.

Justanothermile it will get better I promise.