Oxbridge Applications 2019 (Part Three)

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Today is a big day for many... time for a new thread too

Justanothermile all that work has paid off. I bet DD has offers at amazing places which she would not have otherwise. Normal to be upset - just go with it for now.

@piggywaspushed - I love that idea of the Apocolypse now scene - I don't like heights so I would be the helicopter parent whose rotor blades were trimming peoples' hedges .

@Justanothermile - I am sure she really will. I do not mean to sound trite but many of DS's friends have gone to different universities and are happy & thriving. But - hence my post re it is hard when your DC wants something and doesn't get it. It is hard. But DS applied for some things ( internships) didn't get one , not one single one . He now ( 12 months on) thinks it is the best thing that could have happened to him. I hope your DD ends up somewhere she likes. She will get a break I am sure , just maybe not this one. There are other breaks. All very very best to you and to her. As my son's teacher at school said , when you are applying , keep breathing , if you don't get this one , keep breathing. Just keep breathing and it will most times work out well. I do realise my advice is somewhat of a cliche , but sometimes I think cliches are so because they are true.

So I am pretty much saying what @Hubbleisback , is saying but not so concisely

I have only posted a couple of times on here before but I can sympathise with your feelings justanothermile.
I have experienced this in two ways: many years ago I applied to Cambridge from a northern comprehensive who didn’t send people there generally and was woefully under prepared. Unsurprisingly I didn’t get in. Whilst I was upset it I got over it and ended up at another good university.
My dd applied and I didn’t expect much due to my experience and other relatives also being unsuccessful but she was successful. She also attended a comprehensive which wasn’t the best in terms of GCSEs. She told me recently that one of her English teachers said no one from this school will ever go to Oxbridge!
I suppose what I am trying to say is that similar applicants and circumstances can give a very different outcome and it does seem a lottery really. It will be hard for a little while but your dd will get over it as I did. It is good to post on here because you can’t always talk about this things in RL.

Thank you, hubble, basilisk and holly. The sensible, middle aged mature woman in me absolutely knows you are correct. And also that all our dc have their trials and complex circumstances so DD hasn't faced anything vastly tricky in the bigger picture. I know this wasn't obviously the path for her but she'll take another road etc. And her qualities will ensure that she thrives.

Then the emotional mother instinct kicks in and that's less than logical!

And I rarely post such a 'me' post - so thank you for accommodating that too. Nothing trite in anything you've posted.

@justanothermile

My son's godfather's daughter ( complex eh? ) was v v disappointed when she did not get an offer from Durham. She is elsewhere now and would not swap for worlds. But there were some unhappy days whilst she came to terms with it.

I agree with you - at times like this logic and emotion don't always point in the same direction. Breathing and time

Justanothermile over the course of their young adult lives my DC have had multiple rejections or setbacks of one sort or another and each time the emotional mother instinct kicks in and chases logic away. Then one has to voice sensible words and not let them see the emotional mother bit or it simply makes matters worse. I wish I knew how mothers could absorb disappointment for their DC but even with all my practice I'm none the wiser. So, not very helpful I know other than to say I've been there, I feel very sorry for both of you but hindsight does weirdly, usually mean that things work out better than they would have done had things gone the other way. I've no idea how that happens either, but fortunately it seems to. Anyhow, your poor DD and of course you too.

So I am pretty much saying what Hubble and Basilisk are saying but with much worse grammar .

goodbye I do think that a stepping away parent is possibly harder than being a helicopter parent. I have the bites on my lip to prove it

Justanothermile It will take a bit of distance to be able to get over the disappointment but it will be fine. 4 years ago my dd did receive an offer but on results day she missed it by the smallest of margins.

Obviously we were so disappointed for her & tbh it really took the shine off results day for her (results were everything to be proud of under other circumstances). I had to hold in my emotions & persuade her that she was fortunate to still be able to do an extremely competitive subject at her insurance choice. I also told her that sometimes life takes you on a different path to what you had planned & usually you look back & are glad it happened that way.

My dd is very happy where she is studying now & I really don’t think she wishes things had turned out differently. I hope the same will be true for your dc

DS out to have a drink with people on his post graduate course ( GDL) after first exam . From all over - actually it sounds like York was the main one. No idea how they will all get on later ( I mean in life , not this evening ) but

Hind sight - marvellous thing

Something to remind dcs who are disappointed, is that Oxford is very hard work. It might be stunningly beautiful, very good fun, a lovely environment; it is equally stressful. One or two essays per week on top of other modules. DD can go from 8am-10pm working before having chance to meet for a chat. Holidays are not holidays, just extended revision. For some dc, they have dodged a bullet

One of my dd's got rejected from Oxford. Like ds she really wasn't expecting to get an offer anyway so it didn't affect her badly. She went to another university and loved it.

On applying for jobs the situation reversed and she beat a number of Oxford graduates. I really think that there is a subjective element of how you perform on the day and how you come across to the interviewers. They can't pick everyone.

It must be hard if it was your son's sole ambition.

I think only a few (less than 5) of the pupils in her school have applied for Oxbridge and noone she was friends with applied to Cambridge, so there's not much of a chance of her being feeling bad comparing herself to friends who have got in - in fact, she's struggled with the fact that she's had her sights on oxbridge. Some 'friends' have been actively dismissive and sneery about it all because it's so far out of their frame of reference. She's ignored all of that and really put the work in, so I would love her to succeed. She hasn't had many failures (if you don't include a lack of a social life outside school) and there were tears at GCSE when she 'only' got an A in Maths. Although, failing her driving test (twice) has given her a bit of experience at that since then!

When she didn't hear about an interview due to an email mess up, she was pragmatic, saying that she liked her next two choices. I hope she can hold on to that if Monday brings no offer.

I haven't told her, but there's a tiny part of me that hopes it's a no. I know that she can be in danger of overworking herself and being unable to rein it in which can lead to stress and the odd meltdown, usually just before exams. GCSE exams (not mocks, 50% of the final exam score) in January the other year, for example, meant Christmas was ruined because it was hard to get her away from her room where she was revising. Cambridge don't rate or take into account Welsh bacc, which is compulsory at her sixth form and which she's in line for at least an A for already. Her other choices do take it into account and would be more wiggle room for getting the grades she needs (AAA for York, AAB for Liverpool).

I shall be glad when Monday is over!

Thanks again for the support from all, I've rather dumped my negativity here!

coleoptera. Your poor DS, you find yourself in a complicated situation indeed, it's so hard to know if you're even saying the right thing at times. But balancing DT1 and his particular needs and emotions, hopes for DT2 and how any outcome will affect both twins must be exhausting. I don't have great words of wisdom as we are processing a simpler situation here and that's tricky enough. I don't know whether to say good luck for Monday or not!

Madeline not quite the same as DD's friends are lovely, but none have any aspiration or understanding re Oxbridge. So Dd not getting a place didn't mean anything them and they therefore were not terribly sympathetic. Fingers crossed I think for Monday, unless you feel the pressure would be a negative.

Decorhate I have been thinking that your situation might have been worse? At least we know now and can process and accept things and look seriously at her options. My DS was lucky last year to drop a grade in his A Levels (luckily not in his degree subject) but still be taken by first choice, very tough to not be.

Coleoptera three of mine read History and heard from Durham in late Jan, late Jan and early Feb. History is almost always on the late side as far as I know. No news from Durham is certainly not bad news, at least for another month. It sounds incredibly hard for both of you and I completely understand your conflicted feelings about DT1. I'll start crossing fingers for them both to get a Durham offer - it can't hurt.

Coleoptera - huge commiserations to your DT2. If it's any consolation to him at all in the next few weeks, I have a ds with Aspergers who has applied to and will go to one of our local universities - way down the league tables. He's very, very bright and very, very typically Aspie and could get in to a much higher ranked university (but wants/needs to live at home).

My point: there will be people like your ds at all Unis, not just Oxbridge. His tribe will be everywhere. I know because my ds is his tribe but he'll be at a "normal" University (also studying an arts/hums subject). Your ds only needs (we all only need) a few friends and many of his type will be elsewhere than Oxford, simply because they've gone to their local Uni.

Good luck to him for Durham etc and for DT1 too.

coleoptera re the 'rejects' sharing experiences, di you see the video I posted a page or so back? It's really uplifting. It does focus on Durham so you might want to save it until they ehar from Durham but the boy in it is a historian , and very positive and open about his experiences. I am a little bit in love with him (not in a weird way , obviously!)

Piggy I've just clicked on your link. Jack is not reading History (iambic pentameter/ Lolita/ Latin v English grammar etc. Also.... the fact he said he was applying and interviewing for and now reading Eng Lit!). He's certainly super keen on Durham though and a good advocate for it. I'm most surprised by guinea fowl for lunch - I wonder if it was dry old chicken and someone was pulling his leg?

We have the opposite problem that ds is alone in waiting for a result. Only one other person from his massive comp. is in the same situation.

Nobody has the first clue about Cambridge at his school and he has to explain that he is more likely NOT to get in. It is a bit like talking about the planet Mars. This thread is great for information.

It's a couple of months sice I watched it goodbye so have forgotten that detail. He definitely did A Level history as he has some revision videos, and on English, which are also , unsurprisingly, really good.

LittleSpace - we have the same situation. Ds is waiting on Monday for Cambridge (Maths). His 6th form college is 1000 students and he is the only one waiting (I think there was one waiting for Oxford this past week for a different subject). The careers dept is excellent and very clued up but they just don't get many applying to Oxbridge. When I see messages on here about schools that get 50-60 through a year, I wonder if I have read it right!!!

We are also waiting to hear from Imperial - that would be a good option for Ds if he doesn't get an offer on Monday. Not sure why Imperial take so long - MAT results were ages ago and they don't interview. I wish they would get a move on!

Watching the video of the boy from Durham and reading the comments in here I think some young people underestimate how competitive the process is. They may be top of their school but they perhaps have lived in such a small world they don’t appreciate that they up against the top pupils in 1000s of schools. Historically Oxbridge have disproportionately taken students from a small number of schools but this is changing. My own dc attends a state sixth form and thinking about the eight or so boys he is going out socialising with this evening about five of them could make highly competitive applications, given their academic performances to date and their commitment to their subjects. This is a college most people won’t have heard of in an area of the UK most won’t ever want to visit. The world is changing.

Can unis tell when applicants have made their firm and insurance choices elsewhere? In terms of making an appropriate number of offers, I'd imagine that for places like imperial and Durham, it would be helpful to wait until the Oxbridge offers are out as that presumably results in quite a lot of candidates making their choice. Because their own entry requirements are as high or only just below Oxbridge, a lot of students wouldn't pick them as an insurance choice anyway.

I don't know if that's how it works but it makes sense to me that these unis might wait a bit to see how many of their applicants of the calibre who might have got an Oxbridge offer are still available.