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Higher education

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Original poster

Help...DS feels a complete failure with AABB...

144 replies

AnotherNameChange1001 · 24/08/2018 10:03

Bad day last week. He was predicted AAAA and got AABB.
He missed the A by 5 UMS, but the As by more.

He was meant to be going to Durham Uni (AAA), but has now accepted a place in clearing at York.
All his original offers were A*AA or AAA so he didn't have an insurance offer (school said it 'wasn't needed' as he would be fine for 3As).

He is putting on a brave face, but I know he is gutted. All his friends are going to Oxbridge/Top 5 unis.

It has been a horrible week. Other parents don't know what to say to us: "York is a lovely city", "perhaps he can do a Masters at Durham if he does well" etc

How big a deal is really that he's now going to a Top 20 uni rather than a Top 5 one? York seems to have a good reputation for his subject.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 25/08/2018 10:10

How big a deal is really that he's now going to a Top 20 uni rather than a Top 5 one?

It isn't. I honestly don't think there's a "recognised" difference between Durham and York. Or indeed, either of those and, say, Manchester, Edinburgh, Leeds etc. They are all Russell Group universities. Is there a prestige factor for Oxbridge/LSE/Imperial for science courses? Absolutely. But for Durham? I don't think so.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 25/08/2018 10:14

A DPhil, surely, cantkeep? Wink

I missed my offer — I had AAAAB but sadly no wriggle room (it was A*AA with the subjects specified and unfortunately the B was in one of them). I absolutely loved where I went to, but explaining that I wasn't going to Cambridge was hard at first.

You feel odd because you should be happy, and lots of people would love those grades, but at the same time you haven't managed to do what you wanted.

I hope he has a fantastic time at York OP Smile

BubblesBuddy · 25/08/2018 10:32

I think the Durham vs York totally depends on the subject and career aspirations. For some it won’t matter and for others Durham is seen as superior. York is highly regarded in some areas but top 20 in others as the op says. Durham is top 5 for some subjects and if this is what the Ops DS was intending to study, then going to a lower ranked university will feel like failure. Of course it’s ok in the long run but you have to experience the lows and get through to the other side. When people say university B is just as good, when you know for your subject that it just isn’t university A is definitely better - you just wish they would shut up! Get the grieving period over with, try and stay positive, even with friends and relatives, then get accommodation and power forward. What else can you do? It’s tough but it will be ok.

cantkeepawayforever · 25/08/2018 11:12

Ah, DPhil from 1 and PhD from the other (like wearing subfusc for exams or not, they do have their differences) ... so you can identify which one I went to!

Dumbledoresgirl · 25/08/2018 11:33

I think the fact that Durham rejected him when he was only one grade off the offer, but in some ways over the offer in that he had a 4th A level, is an indication of the rigour that university applies to its students. I have a son there so I know the truth of that. Your son may well have struggled at Durham and not enjoyed the intense pressure that can come with being in a high performing university. I know my son found it quite an adjustment.

Which is not to say that York isn't a high performing university too. I think your son has done brilliantly to get a place in clearing there. OK, the A levels weren't what he wanted. I understand the disappointment. But York is a great university and a lovely campus and city. I know of someone who got a place there through clearing who has gone on to a stellar career. All the best to your son.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 25/08/2018 11:35

My mistake — I misread Oxbridge in your post as Oxford!

All the people I know from there are very keen that you remember it's a DPhil, not a PhD, so it surprised me that you'd written that. But obviously you went to the other one. Grin

BakedBeans47 · 25/08/2018 11:41

Jesus wept talk about a first world problem.

He’s had a boot up the arse and hopefully now realises he needs to get stuck in if he wants to get top marks. No biggie. I think you can pretty much guarantee that going to a top 20 Uni as opposed to a top 5 one is going to have no significant adverse impact on his life whatsoever, just as it hasn’t adversely affected the other 99% of people who didn’t go to one.

Oh and get better friends the ones you have sound like twats. If they don’t know what to say to you ref something like this you’d be fucked if you ever had an actual crisis you needed support with.

RightyHoChaps · 25/08/2018 11:42

I know it's a personal disappointment when you aim for a certain grade and you don't get it...

Let's put this in perspective though. Those grades are fucking amazing!!! Seriously! Well done!!
I promise, your son is going to have such a blast at ANY university he gets into. York is a brilliant university as well, with a very good reputation.

I am sure he 100% did his best and will continue to do so at uni. Well done!

Orchiddingme · 25/08/2018 11:58

I am totally confused by this post. I work in a similar RG institution and had no idea there was such a gulf between Durham and York (there isn't in my mind).

UCL, Imperial, Oxbridge yes and even that's overstating it. Our top 20 (sometimes 10) RG uni places students in amazing jobs all over the world every year.

This is a non-problem.

What students need is a good result to get the most opportunities (but not disaster if 2:2) and to do lots of work experience/interning and look like they are really interested in what they want to do next.

No employer is going to bin a 2:1 from York and take a student from Durham. I recruit PhDs and I don't care much where their degree is from, I'm looking for across the board great transcripts and a real engagement with the subject and career pathway.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 25/08/2018 12:28

OP, show your DS Orchiddingme’s post @ 11:58 above. That is the best and only advice he needs from this thread. (Apart from the recommendations on where to get great food in York!)

JuneMyNameIsJune · 25/08/2018 14:07

It's all relative isn't it. My DS was predicted A* across the board and did not achieve that. He missed out on his offers mainly because he simply did not work hard enough. It's a hard lesson to learn but I'm afraid I had limited sympathy and encouraged him to suck it up and move on.

It's important to experience disappointment and learn how to get over it.

York is excellent in every way and he will be fine.

BubblesBuddy · 25/08/2018 14:14

Well for Law there certainly is a gap. Durham, as a pp says, is more challenging to get into. Employers know that. However it doesn’t matter for many areas of employment but in the City, Durham is very much just behind Oxbridge. It totally depends on the course and future employment ambitions.

BubblesBuddy · 25/08/2018 14:20

I have now looked at four university ranking guides. Durham is in the top 10 in all of them and York is not in the top 10 in any of them. The highest ranking is 12th that I could find. The lowest was 21st. So take your pick.

safetyfreak · 25/08/2018 14:23

Rich people problems.

bitheby · 25/08/2018 17:21

It's not really rich people problems. It's all relative. He was predicted and expected to do better than he did. Doesn't matter if that was predicted Cs and got Ds or predicted A stars and got Bs, the disappointment is the same.

The bloody government and media are telling kids that they need to work hard to be the best and it's a competitive global marketplace. No wonder they have such huge rates of anxiety and depression.

I got 4As. I too would have been devastated to get a B if my peers got As as I would have known I could've and should've done better. It won't matter in a few months time but now it will hurt. Totally normal.

bitheby · 25/08/2018 17:24

Back in the day, Durham rejected Oxbridge applicants, it also has big hills and gets cold. York has Vikings. York will be much better Grin

cantkeepawayforever · 25/08/2018 17:38

I still remember Durham's letter: 'When [note not if] you fail to gain entrance to [insert Oxbridge university], please contact us. We will then consider your application.'

York, on the other hand, was utterly lovely (in those days they did an open-day-and-interview) ' We really enjoyed meeting you today. We hope you will succeed in gaining your place at Oxbridge. However, if you do not, as you are an excellent candidate we have pleasure in sending you an offer of EE for Y subject'

Anasnake · 25/08/2018 17:46

Sheffield Uni did the same, offer of 3 E's as had a Cambridge offer - must be a Yorkshire thing !

Dumbledoresgirl · 25/08/2018 17:51

I am laughing at racecardriver's post of 15:39 yesterday in which it was stated that Durham was a pretty rubbish university and the students there were a bit thick.

Apart from the fact that, for my son's subject, the standard offer was a grade higher than that required by Oxford, how on earth do you think such a statement was going to make the OP or her son feel better? Your son isn't even clever enough to be educated with these thick kids in this piss poor university. Yeah, that's very comforting.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 25/08/2018 18:32

@Dumbledoresgirl you don’t seem to understand the Oxbridge process. The interview is the decider with Oxbridge. The exams less important. A strong candidate may well receive a very low offer. As far as I know Durham does not require its candidates to interview over two days.

Dumbledoresgirl · 25/08/2018 18:56

Oh I do understand it very well. Multiple family members have been through the process. I do know about the interview, and also the entrance exams. All I meant was, Durham's standard offer was exceptionally high. Hardly a poor university.

liquidrevolution · 25/08/2018 19:03

York is fab. I went there and there were several super brainy people on my course two who had turned down Oxbridge because it was 'too stuffy'.

What course will your D'S be doing?

lavenderhidcote · 25/08/2018 20:30

I went there too, when it was in the top 10 and stuffed with Oxbridge rejects - and didn't they let us know it! Where on earth do you live if your associates feel they have to blush and stumble for words when you tell them your son is going to the University of York! How absolutely ridiculous. I would also take living in York over Durham any day of the week and I was born and bred in the North East so I do know what I'm talking about in that respect.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 25/08/2018 20:39

rogue

My point is that degrees from oxbridge don't necessarily pave the way to very high flying careers. From a career point of view, the teachers I know who graduated from Cambridge are no better off than their colleagues who went to 'run of the mill' unis.

Oh I see. So what you’re saying is than an “amazing career” must mean that you are “better off” financially? So the only careers which are amazing, in your opinion, are those which have very high salaries, and that an Oxbridge degree is neither here nor there if the payment at the end is the same as someone who went to a “lesser” university.

obviousNC101 · 25/08/2018 20:49

York is an excellent university. Don't be so negative. I didn't meet my Cambridge grades and ended up at Warwick. I've got the same job now that I'd have got with a degree from Cambridge so I personally think it's an unnecessary worry.