Help...DS feels a complete failure with AABB...

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Bad day last week. He was predicted AAAA and got AABB.
He missed the A by 5 UMS, but the As by more.

He was meant to be going to Durham Uni (AAA), but has now accepted a place in clearing at York.
All his original offers were A*AA or AAA so he didn't have an insurance offer (school said it 'wasn't needed' as he would be fine for 3As).

He is putting on a brave face, but I know he is gutted. All his friends are going to Oxbridge/Top 5 unis.

It has been a horrible week. Other parents don't know what to say to us: "York is a lovely city", "perhaps he can do a Masters at Durham if he does well" etc

How big a deal is really that he's now going to a Top 20 uni rather than a Top 5 one? York seems to have a good reputation for his subject.

Blimey. I certainly don't have a low opinion of most teachers. Secondary school teaching is not a job I could manage to do.

My point is that degrees from oxbridge don't necessarily pave the way to very high flying careers. From a career point of view, the teachers I know who graduated from Cambridge are no better off than their colleagues who went to 'run of the mill' unis.

I say this as the mum of a student at a London conservatoire, if that makes the outraged posters feel any better.

I do get that he and you are a bit disappointed, if you're anything like me you plan and find out all the details of where you think you'll go so it's all change. But please do try to make him see he has done amazingly well, he's off to a fantastic university and he can still do and be anything. Worth celebrating.

Well maybe not a professional ballet dancer (I'm going to look stupid if he's a top ballet dancer aren't I)

Oh and I got into Durham, was too immature to work and left with a third class degree which I was damn lucky to receive. Knocks come at some point for everyone

Wow! York is one of the top, original universities and in a beautiful city. He should be proud of himself, and he'll have a wonderful time there!

I went to Durham, York was also on my list, lots of friends at York. Honestly they’re not massively dissimilar. York has some advantages over Durham. Durham has good points and less good points.

In the grand scheme of things this will not matter. He is going to a really good university.

I'm sure he'll be fine. We had exactly the same problem last week with dd. Not sure what went wrong but her all A's didn't materialise.
She had an offer through clearing the same day and although annoyed with herself is happy ish I'm happy though.

He might be disappointed, but they’re still very good results and he shouldn’t lose sight of that.

York is a great university and a great city. I’m sure he’ll have an absolute ball there.

York is a great traditional uni. And it has the Yorkshire Pudding shop close at hand.

I can understand his and your disappointment. He expected to get higher grades and didn’t. It’s all right to feel disappointed.

I’m also guessing that as one of his subjects was maths that he may have been doing further maths as well, so doing 4 subjects isn’t as much of an issue as it might have been with other subjects.

I went to York and live there again now. It is a great university and a lovely place to be. He is lucky that although he didn’t achieve as well as he hoped, he still is able to go to a great university.

And for the poster saying about Cambridge university and state school teachers - don’t the state schools deserve Cambridge educated teachers? My parents both did maths degrees at Cambridge and both taught in state schools. And helped to get more people to Oxbridge (mostly Cambridge it has to be said )

I get it OP. I've also had similar with DD. Several reasons for the outcome, but nothing to do with her ability or work ethic. She has also gone through Clearing to get a uni that is just outside Top 20 on rankings rather than top 5.

She is devastated though, and people don't know what to say to her because she is so upset. She will get over it and get on with it, but she is worried about the future and whether she should have chosen to resit and try again. They are expected to decide so quickly while its all so emotional.

Just a caveat that for certain courses, there really isn't a massive amount of disparity in grade requirements. DS is going to do Maths, the grade requirements for the 'top' university courses compared to the lesser ranking ones were not that different. So it would have been hard for him to find a genuine insurance place with much lesser grades.

OP - I did wonder though whether your DS did any retakes of his AS Maths modules. My DS did so, he only got his act together after a disappointing set of AS results. This meant he had to take a lot of exams this time and work really hard, but that was his own making. I wondered if the school offered this option at all? It brought DS's grades back up to where he was expected to be.

I live very close to York and am happy to answer any questions. A friends son finished last year and had a fabulous time. It's a lovely city.

Eh? York is a fantastic university and for some subjects well above Durham.
Obviously he is disappointed he didn't get into Durham but he has a place an excellent university.
I studied Chemistry there years ago - the teaching was excellent, the links to industry were excellent (ie. industrial scholarships worth a lot of money).
There were lots of very very able students there so whoever it was that implied upthread he might be better off surrounded by "less able" students rather than being with so many very able students, would get a shock at York.

"Perhaps he can do a masters at Durham if he does well" - eh? as if Durham is the be all and end all.

Honestly, the other parents sound like a bunch of snobs. Bit like my Aunty and Uncle when I told them I was going to York and they said it wasn't good enough for me and no child of theirs would be going to York.

You have had a hard time on here but I think you do now need to start trying to look at it positively. His grades were not enough for the place at Durham and he now has a place at another excellent uni through clearing so he's just going to have to get on with it and make the best of it.

Of course state schools deserve great teachers 😮

York is, of course, one of the four most recent additions to the Russell Group, not a founder member - it joined in 2012, along with Exeter, QMUL and, oh yes, Durham.

So Durham's value to the club was only recognised at exactly the same time as York's.

York is a great traditional uni. And it has the Yorkshire Pudding shop close at hand.

Not to mention a rather nice Turkish restaurant with one of those indoor barbecue thingies. If it hasn't burnt down since DS1 and I ate there back in 2015...

Not in any way wishing to criticise Durham, and congrats to any young people out there who wanted to go there and have achieved their goal, but it has tended to have a reputation as the fall back choice for “failed” Oxbridge candidates. A number of its students would rather have been at Oxbridge. So failure really is relative.

He needs to concentrate on making a success of his time at York (and as another poster has said, not say anything about it being his second choice). He will love it once he’s there.

It is a disappointment but he will be fine. Life has a habit of working out. Durham is nice but so is York.

York is just as good as Durham. I suppose the main different is that Durham is collegiate. What's his subject?

I suppose the main different is that Durham is collegiate.

Um... So is York

www.york.ac.uk/about/departments/support-and-admin/sas/colleges/

Ooops thank you @MarchingFrogs
York is Campus though rather than colleges scattered around the city like in Cambridge or Durham though?

I was pretty disappointed by Durham when I visited despite having been rejected by them when I applied. Though York was a lovely city though. I went to both Cambridge and a campus university and loved them both. There is always the option of postgrad if your DS has his heart set on a particular university.

I did this at A-levels: had a place at Oxford and missed it by getting AABB. I was gutted: embarrassed and hurt. For people who achieve that highly, it may well be the first time they’ve ever really failed in an academic arena and it’s hard to deal with that at the best of times. That they are still amazing grades and you’re still going to a great university doesn’t stop the ‘but...’. That many other people struggle doesn’t help either. It’s not a misery competition.

OP, please give him a hug, acknowledge that he’s disappointed but that you’re very proud of him both for what he’s achieved and for throwing himself straight into planning for York. He needs to know that it’s ok to be disappointed and that you have his back. I’m sure he’ll have a great time!

Have just been informed by DD that the fajita wrap in the Courtyard at York is awesome. Not that food is her main priority of course.

I too think it’s perfectly ok to be disappointed and upset. In some areas of employment, Durham is superior but not for everything. My DD1 had a similar situation but did go to her insurance. She was perfectly ok there and is doing the job she wanted to do in a very competitive sphere.

Not getting the results you thought you would is down to fine margins. Some people get the exact questions they will excel at, others don’t. I think he is doing the right thing by going now and not doing retakes.

Also, MN has an obsession with masters degrees. They are not necessary for every profession and you can go and do all sorts of careers after university without doing more of the same.

I know it’s hard to stay positive in this situation. Some universities don’t have enough halls for insurance or clearing undergrads for example - yet another challenge. Hopefully he will be ok for this. My DD was at the last minute. It was yet another stressful few weeks!

You are right about people not knowing what to say. They think A is happening so you have to say it’s B instead. Grandparents, God parents, family etc expect it to be straightforward. They wonder what happened. You have to try and say something when there is little to say. I wish him well and you too. It was a painful experience for us but we are now through to the other side!

All his friends are going to Oxbridge/Top 5 unis.

Ummm, depending on the subject, York is generally a "top 5" university (whatever that means). It's a very good university with an excellent reputation. He'll be grand.

I find it a bit laughable that York is somewhere he’ll be ok with the ‘less academic’ students. York is a superb university. In some subjects it has topped the league tables. It has been higher than Durham before now. In 10 years, no one will remember whether it was number 3 or number 11 or number 19. It has an excellent, excellent reputation as one of the country’s best universities.

This.

I work in a department which is regularly top of the league tables - we see York as a benchmark/competitor in my field. And I know that's the case for other subjects/disciplines, particularly in the humanities.

It's a wonderful university. Punches way above its weight in terms of research and teaching excellence, and investment.