Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

[Frances39]

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

Me too @Diego, same sort of time frame too.

Again, I'd say that he was not "compared with" or "contrasted to" ; he was alongside the other candidates whom the school thought had done well enough to get a mention.

As I said upthread, when I did GCSE and A levels, the results (with full names) were published in the local paper. I wondered whether this was something no longer done due to data protection legislation so I had a look at what the ICO says about exam results. I know we're not talking here about the publishing of exam results in the media, but what interested me is that the ICO says that "Schools should make sure that all pupils and their parents or guardians are aware as early as possible whether examinations results will be made public and how this will be done. Schools should also explain how the information will be published." Even if the school in question was legally fine to share the information it does seem that, if they should make people aware of whether results will be published and how, it's pretty poor practice to share someone's results in the way they did without at the very least consulting them about it.

It wasn't "his friends", it was "his close friends". It sounds like he is in a bit of a mess mentally and that's not good if he is off to University in the next month. He needs to be more resilient than this.
If he thinks that the grades don't do him justice then he should consider re-sitting and re-applying

What a horrible thing to say.

OP has already stated that her son has had more than his fair share of shit hitting the fan in his life and despite this he still managed to get good enough grades to get into uni. The fact that they were not top grades is nobody elses business.

To have him compared with the highest graders in the school IN FRONT of everyone was awful. NO-ONE else in school was mentioned in the presentation. NO students who have jobs to go to, NO students who are doing further training elsewhere as examples of a different path from Uni. Just the highest and ops son who obviously wasnt in the highest set. Whatever was the point to that?

Its not her sons problem to be 'an example' to the rest of his ex school, its not the schools right to use him like that.

And I have never seen exam results printed in local papers for any of the schools where I live ever.

bold fail!

At DS's school they celebrate ALL paths. Whether top uni, other unis, apprenticeships or straight into work. All congratulated. All celebrated.

What they did was wrong. But somehow you've got to show him a fuck you attitude. He got his grades. He's off to Uni. Who cares? What's happened cannot be undone. Even if he doesn't feel like it, he needs to hold himself high and say, who gives a fuck, I'm off to Uni!!

Would phone the school though to clear up what happened.

On a separate note, with DS 11 plus results he didn't share them with anyone. He'd have been upset at it being leaked. Even though passing was brilliant, he says he only just passed. A pass is a pass! So he didn't get that attitude from me. What I'm saying is, I didn't project my feelings onto him, it's him that felt he could have done better.

Help him keep his chin up OP.

Not leaving your room and threatening legal action is just ridiculous. Onwards and upwards - best to teach young people to deal with setbacks and "humiliations" than to wallow and run to a lawyer.
Exactly.
I can't help but wonder what messages he's been given when getting decent a levels and a place at uni is being a failure. Hardly the stuff if resilience.

But then again a friend had a parent ask on results day what action could be taken against the child's private tutor because the parents had paid for a tutor and the grade wasn't what they wanted so odd views exist.

Considering looking into legal options isn't ridiculous if his privacy and data protection violated.
It's not that he is a failure but has been made to look like one.
They should not of released any personal information about him without his consent period.

If that's how you feel Frances39 then fine. It's bizare but that's fine. If you want to look into taking legal action against a school ajd wasting school funds then go you. I'm sure other parents would be delighted to know that the reason why the school can't afford things is because they're dealing witj a parent whose child doesn't attend who's annoyed that the school celebrated their child.

It's not that he is a failure but has been made to look like one
Except he hasn't. The school have talked about a range of destinations. If you think celebrating an achievement of a child is makimg them look a failure then you need to rethink your idea of failure.

I nominate loads of students for awards in assemblies across the ability spectrum. Based on your view I'm awful for daring to have kids of different abilities recognised. I mean, we even give the reason it was awarded.

Thankfully for me, the parents I work with have thanked me for showing more than the A/A* students. If i had a parent respond like you then i'd probably stop trh awards because i haven't time to ring up parents individually to see if a nice certificate will offend them.

Frances: if you are teaching him to threaten legal action and make a fuss then you are setting him up to f fail.
You need to set an example and move on.
Encouraging him and egging him on to be upset will not help his mental health.
Stop doing this and move him on.
Otherwise he won't make the first term of uni anywhere.

Your reaction and his reaction is really disproportionate and completely over the top. The state he's got himself into is a far bigger issue and far more worrying than the thing that triggered it.

Do you really not see it Frances?

But it's not like he is up for an award or stands to benefit. The school used something that was private to make a point at my sons expense in an inconsiderate manner.

You mean the factually correct point that people can go on to university with a range of decent grades and it's not just for the A/A* kids.

I still can't help but think his reaction and yours are linked.

Your reaction is teaching him if you don't like something then you threaten violence, kcik off and threaten legal action. And it's also sending the mesdage that school were wrong to celebrate his achievements (sort of 'yes i am proud and you did well but not as well as the other kids so they shouldnt have mentioned it but naturallt if you were one kf those kids id be fine with it')

What ever reaction my son has is perfectly justified. His privacy and sensitive information was unnecessarily violated senselessly.

You can't force someone to be happy about their results. It was a horrid time - knowing DD was off to a uni she didn't really want to go to. It made it worse actually when people tried to be celebratory around her.
She didn't want to go to her school awards evening either.
So I get you.

But it WASN'T "at his expense", and even more pertinently, it can't be undone and he doesn't even go there any more.

You'd genuinely initiate legal action that would keep your son stuck on this relatively minor incident for years, unable to move on, rather than help him get over it?

If you don't make a fuss when your personal rights are violated then what is the point.
If someone breaks into your house or attacks you is going to the police making a fuss?

I think the school does need to know.

I wish people wouldn't project themselves onto a vaguely related but fundamentally different situation, then use their own innate goodness to devalue and belittle the OPs reactions to a completely different situation with completely different people and circumstances.

Not helpful.

Using and violating his RIGHT to privacy is at his expense, how does he benefit.
If he doesnt tell all but a few peple what results he got, what right does the school have to go ahead and display it to 500 people.

You really don't sound as though you're proud of him and that's incredibly sad

Dealing with solicitors and taking legal action against his college doesn't sound like the way to settle into university life either.

I think we are all (some of us) are much more aware of the right to privacy and to be forgotten. Re Google.

It's irrelevant whether the op is proud if him it not. It's whether he is proud if himself that matters.

Frances I can't believe you've just tried to group a house break in or being attacked together with someone divulging your exam results to a large group of people. You've lost any shred of reasonableness or credibility you might have had. Get a grip

What exactly would you be aiming to achieve by involving a solicitor? What would you see the end result as?