Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

[Frances39]

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

Whoops, sent too soon. I do agree with complaining to the school though. i would have felt better if my mum had backed me up in making clear that it was an unacceptable thing for them to do. Well done you for taking your son's side. But don't make it more of a thing than it needs to be.

Whatever the fuck happened in the past isn't relevant to the OPs situation so saying they posted it up on the board in my day etc is utterly unhelpful. FFS

Our experience (in London) is that results are only given to the pupils themselves in sealed envelopes, they are not broadcast to anyone else.

Some institutions do boast about the ones that get 11 A*s and they may name those pupils but singling out one particular pupil and publicising his grades as a contrast without his consent is NOT ON.

Whatever their intention they certainly shouldn't have used him as a case study for the presentation without his consent if they were going to share so much information about him. It has resulted in crushing a student's self esteem and distressing his parents. I don't understand why the OP is getting a hard time about it. School defenders are acting like the school is some benign entity and she's the problem. Actually schools get it wrong and fuck up majorly from time to time because they are full of the same feckless humans that inhabit the rest of society.

OP has a right to challenge the school. What's to stop them doing it to some other student in the future? They need to learn they got it totally wrong.

The advice to leave it and get him some mental health help if he is depressed just goes to show what morons there are in the world. The problem is the way the school handled it NOT the son or OP. FFS

It sounds like it was clumsily done but difficult to gauge properly if you werent even there.

Agree with BitOutofPractice

Our final degree results were shouted out by a faculty member from some steps at an allocated time and place. So my whole year were there to stand and wait! About 15 yrs ago, don't know if they do that now.

Personally if they didn't have your son's permission to share his results - I would write a strongly worded letter of complaint (and CC the Governors). They should not have shared anyones results or destinations, if linked to their names/photos, without the students permission.

There is a huge difference between posting ALL the results and putting only ONE pupils results against all the top graders.

This!!!!

Of course it's not ok. I'd complain. I wouldn't think of using a solicitor.

Love the hilarious over the top responses - we have the usual stealth boasting, incorrect facts, incredible mind reading and irrelevant comparisons all in one thread ... classic MN

But if a child can't handle getting good grades, which he did and then getting a place at UNI which he did, and being a bit upset at everyone knowing he didn't get the top marks, and brushing it off, instead of Sulking in his room, how can he expect to handle bigger disappointments in his life.
This is why employers are making comments about snowflake generation, instead of shrugging their shoulders and moving on they try to sue, for upset. it's not the way real life happens...
Nothing will change, what does he want the school too tell everyone they were wrong in giving out his results, so anyone who wasn't talking about it now is.......
And yes maybe you should go in and say it was badly handled, so it doesn't happen next year to someone else, but your son badly needs to toughen up and so do you as your helping him to wallow in self pity.

There is a school near Dorset who as part of their behaviour management system put pictures and grades of failing students on a wall of shame (that's what the staff call it) to ridicule them.

It happens

But if a child can't handle getting good grades, which he did and then getting a place at UNI which he did, and being a bit upset at everyone knowing he didn't get the top marks, and brushing it off, instead of Sulking in his room, how can he expect to handle bigger disappointments in his life.

Its got nothing to do with him 'handling his grade results' its got everything to do with him being the ONLY pupil compared with the top grade pupils. No other pupils marks were put up, none of the pupils who are not going to uni had their plans put up.

To make an example of someone who has worked through adversity to get into uni as someone who has just scraped by enough to get into a lesser (in their eyes) uni is horrible.

Honestly , the best thing I think you could do is to encourage your son to contact the school himself by email . He can explain how he feels by them using him as an example in this way , without realising that it was their intention to do so . Sitting down and composing the email , might be cathartic and it might be a good way of him understanding his own feelings around the situation .

exactly bigpickle usual moronic nonsense

frumpety, that's a good idea.

Yes Willow it is horrible , I totally agree with that, but there is nothing that can be done to right this wrong. You can't unsay words, and the Son needs to toughen up, this won't be the only time in his life this happens you can't plan for this.
They can contact the school to ensure it doesn't happen again.
They can also help the son increase his self esteem.
It is the OP who is calling it Humiliating and so making her own son feel worse, which is helping him how?
In the words of the song "All ways look on the bright side of life..."

If the school terms do not allow the showing of grades to others then the school should not have done so unless he agreed. My sons were asked for a press quote about their A level results, gave it and it is no the school website with the results of one of them and that's fine because they consented.

Of course it's not ok. I'd complain. I wouldn't think of using a solicitor.

Love the hilarious over the top responses - we have the usual stealth boasting, incorrect facts, incredible mind reading and irrelevant comparisons all in one thread ... classic MN

You've forgotten that other MN 'classic': pretending that an 18 yo is still a child whose mum should tell off people who upset him.

shelly

To be fair ds1 is 18 and i have to restrain myself from violence

Im sure it will wear off eventually

(I am obviously joking ...a bit)

I think, unless it is an exceptionally high achieving sixth form, there will be students from the school who ploughed their As, who didn't make any offers, who aren't going anywhere, who the school haven't mentioned at all. They would probably bite their hand off to be in your son's situation right now. This is definitely how I'd be approaching it with him and it might help you to keep it in perspective.

Bigpickle
That seems to happen a lot just now, there is another thread where the quite simple facts in the 1st post have been blatently ignored cue totaly personal questions and irrelevant advice. Its mind boggling.

frumpety
thats a good idea. Straight from the horses mouth might give the school the wake up call it needs.

mummy

yes but the boy has already had a tough time lately and was proud to have achieved what he did, he didnt need knocked down by the school in public.

I agree op needs to help him boost his self esteem and not allow him to wallow in it but if he is like my son he doesnt have much in the first place and I have been trying for all the years he has been at school to increase it where it comes to academic work. Having something like this would just be seen as justifying his own lack of self worth, I would be furious at them.

When I did GCSEs and A Levels in the 90s everyone's results were published in the local newspapers. Does that not happen any more?

I think the best approach for a parent in this scenario is positivity and downplaying the assembly. I'd remind my son that he had achieved good grades in what sounds like trying circumstances, had a place at a decent university and should be proud of himself. I'd probably quietly raise with the school that they should have got your son's consent before using him as some sort of presentation case study, but overall I would be trying very hard not to go along with the idea that this was a terrible public humiliation never to be lived down.

ShellyBoobs

😂 Fair point! I think it would be better if the lad complained himself too.

Op, how do you feel about his results and the uni he is going to?

Sure he didn't do as well as the oxbridge kids, but also neither did nearly everyone else. Why is he so ashamed? He should be proud of his achievements. Not hiding in his room. He's an adult, a man.

However I agree it's weird of the school to take one persons grades and talk about them with their picture, out with the oxbridge people. That's not on really. I'd have expected them to do a general average of the other pupils update. Unless of course the results are public and they maybe didn't think it was relevant, but still it's very strange indeed. I'd err on the side of they think he has done well.

So as such I come back to how do you feel about it? Are you congratulating him on what he's achieved? Or do you feel he's not done well and that's impacting him?

I am obviously proud of my son, he has done so well despite having a non-stop onslaught of personal tragedies his whole life so far and has not ever given up.
But anyone would feel humiliated and made to feel inadequate if they were compared to high achievers in front of 500 people.
If I was put on a powerpoint compared to Victoria secret models for example I'd feel very much the same.

I'd speak to the school then and try to understand what has occurred, don't go in all guns blazing, just give them a call. Say this is what you're hearing and can they clarify.

OP you don't need to defend how you or your son feel about this.

They handled it badly. Hopefully the school will apologise and provide a kind response to help him move on.

Congratulations to your son in overcoming the challenges he has to get to this point!

What was your thinking re involving solicitors, OP? Apologies if I've missed that bit.