Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

[Frances39]

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

A solicitor?

A fucking solicitor!?!?

I'd be looking to get a grip not a fucking solicitor.

They used to post all the results up on a board in the school in my day.

His results were for him to disclose if he wanted to. They're private. They shouldn't have shared them. I would have been furious if my own private business was discussed with my peers.

Ohmyfuck

Private???

They get published in the local newspapers.

Fekko. They used to post all the results up on a board in the school in my day, too. However, what they did not do was single out somebody by name and with a photo to compare their not necessarily bad results in contrast to those who got into Oxbridge, in front of several assemblies of people who knew me and my family, in the September after I left school!

They used to birch pupils too.

Ah the olden days, how much better things were then.

I think some of the replies are more dramatic than the original question!

Thank you Purplemeddler I wasn't sure

I'd be embarrassed if it was me but I was very quiet and shy at school. Even if I'd got 20A* I'd still hide in my room.

It's not what they did it's the fact that they did it without asking/warning and the lad was uncomfortable with it and it made him feel bad.

I'm pretty certain that the school didn't do it to say 'hey let all point and laugh at the lad who didn't go to oxford!'. More a case of - they've shown that a few kids can get amazing marks and go to oxbridge, but that is a minority, and you aren't in any way a failure if you get good grades to go to uni, or not so great and go on an apprenticeship, or whatever.

I'm assuming that he is off to uni now. New start.

I think there is a BIG difference between having your name and grade publicised in the middle of 100s other names and grades and a situation where your name and gardes are publicised ON THEIR OWN.

In one case, it's one of many. The ones who did very well and the ones who didn't.
In the other it's just ONE PERSON. No other name and grades have been announced from the ones who are going to do an apprentiship for example, from any of the ones who did not as well as the OP ds. The contracts with name and grades is only with the most brilliant.
The image it's giving is one of a student who didn't do well, is being singled out (I'm sure he isn't the only one to have had similar results - they could have found another 7 people to give it more balanice for example AND name another 8 who didn't do as well) and use to out in contrast with the best ones.

I dont think it's an acceptable thing to do from the school. I do think it needs to be raised, high up with the school (HT and governors).

However, my priority would be to support a child that has been very badly hurt by the experience. And is clearly feeling very ashamed by the whole experience.

I think you need to be his mother right now.
He needs you to show him that he got into UNI.
That your proud of him, and remind him of just how many failed their exams and may have to resit.
In life we do get things happen that don't seem fair, your son is upset he didn't get the grades he wanted and that even though he got into UNI he wanted to hide his shame, not celebrate that he passed the exams.
This will happen to him again and again, if he can't see he won not lost, looking at life as if your glass is half empty leads to you always not appreciating what you have got and have won, and it carrys on into the rest of his life.
So if anyone asks him he should stand out and say yep not as good as I wanted but brilliant enough to get into UNI on the course I want.

Both schools that my sons were at and is currently at publish a list of destinations as to where and what each student is doing post 6th orm in the school magazine.

I think they were using it as an encouragement to say that even if you don't get top gradess for Oxbridge you can still aspire to go to uni (such as your DS).

I also suspect that those reporting it back to you in a negative way may have their own sly agendas.

He does realise that all his grades at Uni will be posted publicly. If not perhaps you should explain this to him before he goes so he is not shocked.

Feels like you projecting your disappointment and reinforcing idea they humiliated him instead of supporting him by taking tack that they were proud of everyone. My first son was one of very few from his year who didn't go to university. At leavers celebration they did a talk about the high achievers and said they had 8 who achieved Oxbridge places and 6 going to study medicine. Then they listed the various RG children were going to. Lastly they put up a picture of our son and the head of sixth said that university wasn't for everyone and they supported those who chose another pathway. They said how proud the school was that he'd won a place to Sandhurst and was hoping to join the Irish guards.

It was about recognising everyone's achievements not about humiliation. Results are often published in local papers. Stop moaning and allowing self indulgent negativity and go out with him to start planning for university - a much more useful thing to do.

The school shouldn't use someone's information without permission. There's no point contacting a solicitor, but you could complain to the information commissioner about the breach in data protection.

In the meantime you need to help your DS pull himself together. Presumably he isn't hiding where he's going to university, so everyone already has a rough idea of what grades he got. In fact, since he refused to tell his friends his grades they're probably imagining they're worse than they are. In a few weeks time he's going to be surrounded by people who are going to Birmingham City and got the grades to go there. Does he really want to tell them he spent the last few weeks of his holiday hiding in his room because people found out he got the same grades as his new fellow students?

Encourage him not to wallow. Talk of a solicitor will only encourage him to think of his grades as shameful. Take him to Ikea and buy him stuff for his new room. Get him to appreciate this as the exciting time it should be.

crumbs1 not surprising they used a picture of your DS if he got into Sandhurst at 18. That's very, very unusual.

Solictor? Not leaving his room for days? Threatening violence? This seems like a massive massive over reaction to me. I think you need to work really hard with him on his resilience OP, rather than stoking this sense of humiliation and injustice.

The language you use is so so dramatic and OTT (violated etc) that I think you are fuelling the fire rather than trying to get him to move on and look forwards

His results weren't in the paper along with everyone else's, his results weren't read out in assembly with everyone else's, they weren't on a wall with everyone else's.

His results were embarrassingly singled out, for whatever reason, that's not fair.

Exam results would not be classified as sensitive personal data but the school should ensure that it has covered the publication of the results and images of pupils in their privacy statements which should form part of the terms and conditions you sign up to. The DPA also includes a provision that data should not be held for longer thanks necessary - one could argue that the school is holding your son's data when not necessary as he had left the school (I assume he had left by this time?). Honestly though I wouldn't take it further, he has got into university - celebrate that success with him.

Solictor? Not leaving his room for days? Threatening violence? This seems like a massive massive over reaction to me. I think you need to work really hard with him on his resilience OP, rather than stoking this sense of humiliation and injustice

Totally agree with this. It's not ideal (the way the OP describes it, unsure if her DS was even there) but it's done now. Nothing OP does will change that. Not leaving your room and threatening legal action is just ridiculous. Onwards and upwards - best to teach young people to deal with setbacks and "humiliations" than to wallow and run to a lawyer.

There is a huge difference between posting ALL the results and putting only ONE pupils results against all the top graders.

What other reason do they have but to point out he didnt get the results he hoped for and only got into a less prestigious uni.
Why aren't they putting up the names of kids who are going into work not uni? Because it's all about only uni is important and only top grades are important.

Picking in one child who had obstacles to overcome and still managed up get into uni as a 'lesser' achiever is cruel and not necessary.

Its got nothing to do with his 'state of mind' what a mean thing to say. Anyone would feel humiliated in that situation.

The worst possible thing you could do for your son right now would be to talk to a solicitor, make a huge deal of this with the school, and generally reinforce his feelings. You'd be teaching him that adults resolve issues not through resilience, or adjusting perspective, or working hard and moving on, but through suing people and making everything a confrontation. You'd do him no favours.

I too think you are massively projecting your own feelings here. He did well in spite of hardship and got into a good uni. He's an adult now; there will always be someone smarter and more successful, so it's time for him to start setting his own goals and comparing how he does against what he's capable of, not what other people do.

Speak to the school and tell them your son was upset, but don't make it a massive confrontation, and forget the solicitor. The job you can do for him now as his parent is to help him be resilient, value his own performance and realise that comparing himself to others will get him nowhere.

I'd imagine it was more that they were delighted how well he'd achieved.

Dm always says her best result in 30 years teaching was a child who got a G in her GCSE maths, she was so proud of her. She had other students that year who would have got 100% in the papers, but that was the result she was proudest of, and still talks about 20 years later.

all his grades at Uni will be posted publicly.

I've just graduated and this didn't happen at my university. Final degree classifications were listed publicly, but not grades for individual modules or their component assessments. Maybe this happens at some universities, but certainly no all of them.

You mentioned that your son did well and got into uni despite several "unfortunate happenings" during the exams - are you sure the school didn't put a similarly positive emphasis on his results? eg. Congratulations to xxx who despite X, y and z, went on to acheive these grades and has a place at Birmingham City uni?

Whatever, I think you're massively over-reacting and should be defusing the situation to help your son.

I do think it would be worth you having a chat to the school to hear their side of it and to explain how upset your son is, but don't go in all guns blazing.

I feel for your son.
My son didn't do very well in his A levels either (last year) and the school kept phoning asking me what he was now doing e.g. college, apprenticeship, work etc.
They wanted to include it in a display in the school reception area where they list all the students and which uni they've gone to
They don't list the non-uni people in the same place - they're really focussed on uni and not much else

I asked my son if he wanted me to tell the school what he was up to and he was very firm that he didn't want them to know as he would look like a failure (his words)

They shouldn't have mentioned his grades without asking him first.

Final degree results aren't even posted publicly at my institution Cancelly. Grades for modules and assessments are not either. For exactly the reasons here.

When I got my A levels, my local paper printed an article all about 'severely disabled girl gets xxxx A levels'. My school had passed them the details. Few people were aware of my disability and I felt humiliated by it. The school had made absolutely no accommodation for my disability and not helped in any way. I still remember how upset I felt when I came across it in the paper. Also I was upset because my mum refused to complain as the school 'meant well'. I thought it was none of their fucking business to make those details public about me. They only did it because they thought it would get them some publicity.

So I sympathise with your son. But the only thing for him to do is what i did, which is brazen it out and stare through people who make negative comments (or worse, unwanted sympathetic ones). No one is interested for long, and he has to just get on with his own life regardless.