Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 16 17

Original poster

Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

409 replies

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:21

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

OP posts:

Charolais · 08/09/2017 04:48

The details don’t matter at this point. The fact is your son feels violated and humiliated and you have a right to be concerned for him.

Please do everything in your power to make him feel better.

Windytwigs · 08/09/2017 04:58

roses yes, I remember everyone's results being published, so it wouldn't just be those at Assembly who knew all our grades.
I'm sure the school wouldn't deliberately set out to 'humiliate' someone who got good enough grades to get into uni. Maybe an email to the head to explain how it was viewed by some of those watching.
As for getting a solicitor - are you going to sue the school for emotional damages??

NewDaddie · 08/09/2017 05:02

I hope that OP is just venting here but told her ds that he had every right to be on that stage with the A grade students.

mathanxiety · 08/09/2017 05:22

I would be very inclined to complain. The school should only be allowed to publicise individual student grades with parental permission.

If you get a solicitor, ask about your DS's right to privacy.

Hissy · 08/09/2017 06:08

My oh didn't get the results or uni place he wanted

He went somewhere totally alien to him and his life, it was a real shock to the system

It was also the making of him.

He's now worth £££££££££

Your ds is going to uni, studying something I hope he loves, he needs to make sure that he focuses all the indignancy he's feeling into his studies and use it as motivation to prove to himself that he's as good as anyone else.

Things happen for a reason, he needs to find the reason and make it work

InfiniteSheldon · 08/09/2017 06:12

Good grief you're projecting a bit aren't you?

3EyedRaven · 08/09/2017 06:16

If only he was off to Oxford, then maybe he'd be trustworthy enough for us to believe his account...
Seriously, we're not talking about toddlers here.
Two teenagers have said it was awkward. One said it made her feel bad for him, the other now won't leave his room.
Why does it matter if OP was there or not?
It's apparent what's happened

AJPTaylor · 08/09/2017 06:18

So he wasnt there and had only heard about it from younger pupils who have their own banter agenda?

I would contact the school. I would ask why they think it appropriate to use photo and info of a pupil that has left and ask to see a copy of the waiver you signed to allow this.
I would tell them explcitly the effect it had had on him and await their response.
I would show the letter to him and post it and then tell him to move on .
He will probably have no memory of it by christmas

MaisyPops · 08/09/2017 06:24

So the school have given a eange of examples across the 'outcome' spectrum and congraulated them and you're pissed off.

Personally, I hate it when schools only publicly show off their A grade students. It creates a culture where only A grades and oxbridge are the good outcome.

Your son is fine to feel that way about it, but as a parent I would be telling him he was there because he DESERVED to be there and was named, unlike others who were in a group because of the way he worked.
I wouldn't be going around fuming and talking about solicitors etc because all that does it tell your son that you agree that school were wrong and they humilated him based on his results (which is hardly goibg to make him feel better). Focus on getting him to feel proud rather than going mad and complaining.

Macncheesewithbacon · 08/09/2017 06:29

A Level grades are private - his achievements to share with whom he wishes. I would contact the college and tell them the distress they have caused him.

orangeowls · 08/09/2017 06:38

What they did was wrong and not well thought out. However your reaction and his seem a bit extreme. If he is going away to university he isn't even going to be near any of the people who have seen that assembly anyway so it's really not the end of the world. I worry how you will both cope with university.

NotAgainYoda · 08/09/2017 06:39

Sorry, you need to find out what happened. It sounds highly unlikely that they would do this with the intention of humiliating your son. You are assuming the wanted to "contrast' your son with others.

However, there is a wider point about consent

OuaisMaisBon · 08/09/2017 06:41

I completely get the humiliation thing, though I'm sure the school didn't do it intentionally, but singling your son out by name and with a photo in direct comparison to Oxbridge students without asking his permission, really wasn't the right thing to do. I don't think your son is over-reacting, but as others have said, I think rather than tackle the school about this, your priority should be to get your son to see how proud he should be of his own achievements and how proud you yourself are of them, too, particularly in the adverse circumstances you mentioned.
I'm actually cringing at the thought of what have happened, I can see it in my mind's eye as it might have happened at my own school in 1978 - the only saving grace, to my mind, was that at least your son wasn't present at the assembly to witness it. But still.
I hope he gets over this and goes off to Birmingham and has a great time, enjoying his course and student life. Remember, the best revenge is a life well-lived.

Thoth · 08/09/2017 06:42

When I was at university, all your exam marks were posted in the wall publicly.
Please get a grip.
BCU is a good institution. When it was a poly it was one of the very best. Some of their courses are leaders in their field (look at Jewellery making for example).

NotAgainYoda · 08/09/2017 06:42

"They meant well by trying to 'inspire' non-oxbridge/RG students but the public use of my son and the way they did it showed to be a backhanded compliment"

This reveals your attitude, in my opinion. You don't seem to conceive of it as a compliment.

Get your own thoughts straight before consulting a solicitor

Holidayhooray · 08/09/2017 06:43

I appreciate why you are upset. I would be too.

However, if I was going to say anything I would want to be absolutely clear about what actually happened. I would not presume fellow pupils have told your son the truth!

Having said that, the risk of you kicking up a fuss is that you drag out your son's humiliation. There might well be benefit in saying to your son something along the lines of "well that's a bit shitty of the schook if they did in fact do that, and if you want me to find or more - I'm on to it. But I personally think that we celebrate that we know you did well and move on"

Thoth · 08/09/2017 06:43

Um, on the wall, I meant.

newdaylight · 08/09/2017 06:45

They shouldn't have used his information without checking his permission.

On the other hand, they clearly weren't trying to humiliate him and it seems a lot is being read into it

Ktown · 08/09/2017 06:46

You need to set an example and stop fanning the flames. He will only get more worked up. It isn't great but if he is threatening violence that won't help.
Moreover he will have to deal with actual failure one day. Then he won't be able to cope and then what? A depression? A breakdown.

AmyGardner · 08/09/2017 06:50

A solicitor?!?

This is one of those moments where you teach him that living well is the best revenge.

His life is about to transform; you should all move on.

AmyGardner · 08/09/2017 06:51

Oh and marks at uni are often public so you should set him up for that.

OhTheRoses · 08/09/2017 06:55

Were his grades much lower than anticipated? If not did he not know where he stood in the pecking order already?

It's a shame he can't accept himself for who he is.

MaisyPops · 08/09/2017 06:58

On the other hand, they clearly weren't trying to humiliate him and it seems a lot is being read into it
This. Yes, they maybe judged poorly and should have asked but I'll be honest I've nominated students for progress awards without asking their permission. If a parent called up saying they were getting a solicitor's opinjon because i was humiliating their child by giving them an award and they had to stand near others who were A* students then I think i'd make a mental note of thrm being a totally bizarre person.

Moreover he will have to deal with actual failure one day. Then he won't be able to cope and then what?
Valid point here. If a well done is having this much of an effect because he didn't get top marks and go to oxbridge then it raises quesitons about resilience if I'm honest.

OuaisMaisBon · 08/09/2017 06:59

I'm sorry, I must take issue with those of you belittling the OP and the son's reactions - I'm sure if the son's marks had simply been posted on a wall for all to see, it would have been fine, that is not what happened here, if the OP and her son have understood correctly. OP's son was the only student whose name was singled out (in college Assemblies) and photo shown, with his marks and university place, in direct contrast to the marks of students who had got Oxbridge or RG university places. That is completely different from results being published in local newspapers or put up on notice boards at university, and could easily be interpreted as a public humiliation, even if not intended as such.

pisacake · 08/09/2017 06:59

Oh dear lord, what a storm in a teacup. He applied to Birmingham City, and he got into Birmingham City. Their standard offer appears to be BBC, which is hardly disastrous.

He presumably was at no point during the process an Oxbridge candidate.

So there is really no surprise here.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 16 17

Swipe left for the next trending thread