New Uni starters 2015 (continued from Preparing for Uni)

[circular]

Thought we needed a new thread to continue from preparation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2466997-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015-continues

Suspect all have arrived by now...

Am sure my DD's railcard from Santander lasts for 3 years ? She opened her account 1 week after A level results received Student railcard 5 days later.
Hope this helps.

Railcard actually lasts for 4 yrs

busy voucher is for 4 yr card. But it's whether it can be used to renew if existing not run out yet.

Just retread this Re Santander www.16-25railcard.co.uk/help/faqs/250/

Seems that if existing card has less than 30 days before 60 day voucher runs out, should be able to renew with Santandar
Any longer on existing card would mean just forfeiting remainder and buying a new one.

I think DD needs to try in a week or so, and vodkas DD trying soon, so will know if this works.

I'm diving straight I without rtft so apologies for that. My 18 year old DS has started at Manchester Uni studying chemical engineering. He went up in 20 September and I have had 3 very tearful face time sessions with him (his tears not mine). To add some background info my eldest DS died last year from brain cancer. He had been ill for two years. Youngest DS kept his focus, did exceptionally well in GCSEs and subsequent A levels ( 3 A*). He was so excited to go. This was him starting his life away from everything.

I think he is completely overwhelmed. First week too much alcohol not enough sleep amongst strangers. Second call missing home, overwhelmed. Third call yesterday he thinks he's made a wrong choice in his course. Wants to change to Phydics. I don't know how much bereavement comes into this, dealing with emotions on his own, or if he really doesn't like his course - only done a week of it so far. Is it too early to know you've chosen the wrong course. Should he have taken a gap year?

During his broyher's illness he was so strong, rarely cried. We are very close. I'm so sad to see him struggle - he is normally confident and had wanted to do chem eng for years.

I want to howl and son for him but I need to help him.

Any advice? He's seeing his tutor today. I've suggested he find a second year chem eng student to talk to, see if it's just a new course wobble. I've suggested he go to the physics dept, talk to students there, tutors there. I've suggested talking to the student welfare person (if there is such a thing).

Apologies for spelling. On my phone and feeling rather distressed.

minmooch so sorry what a huge amount you've all had to deal with. It's not surprising that after holding up so well and being so strong this new set of circumstances has toppled your younger DS - but it's almost certain to be temporary; your relationship sounds incredibly strong. When there's serious illness in the family stuff often comes out after a delay. I think you're absolutely right to look at the welfare route but I expect the physics department would welcome him with open arms with those grades and if he really believes that would be the better course and the course thing isn't purely a distraction from grief then now is the moment to change. Are you able to go to Manchester? Being physically there, even briefly, might be a big help.

Hi Minmooch
Sounds like you have all had a lot to cope with over the last few years
I think you are giving your DS all the right advice.
I wonder whether your DS wants to change to Physics because it is a subject he did at school, and so it is more familiar - hence less change for him, if he is feeling overwhelmed.

Minmooch, I think it's delayed grief and to be expected. Some of our DC are feeling wobbly and they haven't experienced such a traumatic build up to their uni start, so it's not surprising your poor DS feels this way.

Your advice re speaking to Student Welfare and other students/tutors is sensible; it may be that he IS on the wrong course and a change to Physics would be good. Hopefully the tutors can help him make the decision.

Are you able to visit him? It might just reassure him. I hope he gets sorted, it's horrible for you trying to help from a distance.

For those whose newbies are calling home with colds and feeling crap, fresher's flu is notorious for going round halls like wildfire in the first term. It will pass. Sorry so many are struggling. Dd is now in her third year and the first year seems like a distant memory now. Still stresses over essays but has great friends, lovely bf, good part time job and rarely comes home. Dd1 left yesterday with a one way ticket for Spain where she wants to live and will,she informed me "be back whenever", maybe Christmas, dunno!
I am now at the stage when I can respond " OK. Cool. Have fun". And not be remotely bothered. Do I win the bad mother award?

Circular, thank you for the link. My dd tried to do her card online last night but the code they gave her came up with a 60yr old males name (god knows why) wouldnt let her change it. She has a lecture this morning and is going to try it again when she comes back. If not she will have no choice but ring the bank up and find out, she hates talking on the phone.

MinMooch That must be so worrying for you. That's good that he is going to see his tutor. The tutor will have seen it all before and will hopefully be able to help your son or point him in the right direction. It's good that he can talk to you.
Wanting to change course isnt exactly unusual.

How are is flat mates?

His results are amazing.

Minmooch , that all sounds so tough, I agree with what the pp have said, esp speaking to second years. I really hope things settle down for you both soon.

I'm settling into my empty nest It's lovely and clean and tidy and there is a fridge that doesn't need replenishing every day.
I've all 4 DC at uni . I thought I would miss DD2 a lot as she was quite needy and stressy with her A levels last year and needed a lot of support but I'm not. ahe has settled in well and is really positive about wverything so I'm not worried about her at all. I think I only properly miss them if I don't think they are happy.
DD2 says her flat mates are a little boring but are nice, quiet and clean. That sounds good too me . She isn't shy so is happy to visit the 'party' flats then leave when she has had enough .

Sorry to hear some of your dc's are having problems at uni. Only problem my dd has had, is the crime scene suits they had to wear yesterday didnt fit her. She is only 5ft 2 and she said the suit was far too baggy, asked her if they did a smalller size and she said no.

Minimooch A gre with others Re delayed grief. Fab results - well done to him with all he has had to contend with.
Great that he is talking to tutor about course worries.

Vodka Dies your DD have a Santander on campus she can pop into? Maybe they can call the right department on her behalf while she is there?

min so sorry to hear about your loss. It's quite possible it's played a pert in how DS is feeling but lots of people do feel overwhelmed at first, a few drop out and most settle in eventually. If he's still serious about changing courses after seeing how it goes for a week or two and talking to older people from both courses, it would probably be quite a positive thing for him. It sounds as if that's something he has decided on all by himself, and going through with it could give him a bit of a boost, as he'll feel strong and independent for having thought it through and made the decision.

There is only 1 at the cardiff campus Circular and she's at another campus. She might have to go to the branch near her uni.

Minimoch, I am so sorry for your loss and that your son is struggling.

We have a dd2 who has Down syndromme, sometimes we can't tell if her behaviour is to do with the Down syndromme or just being a teenager. I wonder if possibly (and I have not experienced what you have been through) there could be a complicated mix of grief and being a new student, perhaps his grief amplifies the feelings that he would have had. Unfortunately I suspect that like us it is impossible to tell and you just have to find your way on a daily basis.

I have just listened to the BBC Woman's hour clip on I Player, that Marianne posted the link to. There was a segment on Monday and one on Tuesday. In Tuesday's clip the counsellor says that the biggest problem she sees is anxiety, in Monday's clip they talk about how new students find it difficult to balance social/academic and looking after themselves.

As others have said I think it would help if you could visit him, I am sure that he would find that reassuring. It may be worth exploring why he feels the need to change course a little more, as someone else has mentioned it could be that he feels unsure of himself and could be more to do with university having a different style of academic work than the course itself.

Both my dd1 and nephew have just started at different unis, in self catered halls. We expected our dd to feel anxious, but it has been a surprise that our extremely bright and confident nephew (AAAB, who is also studying engineering) has also said how tired he is and what hard work it all is, now that he is 3 weeks in. So maybe a visit and a little practical help might be good as well. I have already got a date to pop up to see my dd to take her out for lunch and I am also going to take up a couple of meals for dds freezer etc, I know that she will appreciate them and I think that the first term is very hard and having something that just goes in the oven and a few treats may help.

Thank you all for your words. I am waiting to hear from DS after he has seen his tutor. I have offered to go up there and he has said 'not yet Mum'. His Dad and step-mum are already booked to go up on Saturday otherwise I would have gone. I still may go up on Friday if I think he is too wobbly but I don't want to him to worry that I am worrying iyswim.

He is very close to his Dad and step-mum so I know that he will be able to talk things yhrough with them.

I'm hoping that having talked and cried with me it might take some pressure off him. Hopefully he can be a little more calm and we can help him make the right decision.

Obviously what I really want to do is fly up there on my dragon and whisk him away to the Land of Fun and Laughter where we can lie on a beach and drink piña coladas (DS probably would drink beer).

If DD was to leave I understand halls still need paying and any student loans need paying back but does a years tuition need paying still and does anyone know if it needs paying in a lump sum or what would happen?

How did your DD get on hellsbells99?

Sorry to hear there are some serious wobbles going on under particularly different circumstances. I'm being treated for cancer myself and dd finally chose a university close to home firstly because she really liked it but also I suspect because we will be able to see each other easily if things become difficult. Minmooch, if you feel your boy needs you go and see him if you can. He has got an awful lot more on his mind than most other freshers.

On a lighter note I think a few home cooked meals for the freezer is a lovely idea, something I used to do with dd1. She was always very grateful.

With regard to leaving and rent, with dd1, I think if you left before a certain date the rent was waived. There is usually a waiting list for rooms so they could probably re let. The student loan comes in three chunks so I guess you could cancel the next two payments. I'm not sure about tuition fees.

Hope the "wobbles" for those whose DCs are having them die down soon. I don't mean to make light of them but if it were me I would be trying to tell myself it is very early doors just at the moment. Good Luck to all.

Finally dropped DS yesterday. One text last night just after midnight - "All OK". Knowing him that might be the way things will be . I shall try him later. House seems very empty.

Daughter replied to an email. She had just been eating pesto on toast - which sounds vaguely nutritious...