DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

Saw DS1 yesterday. All settled into his nice(for now) house. He is having another freshers week, organised by year 4 & 5s - obviously this involves much alcohol consumption. He will be doing 9-5 & some 12 hr shifts, so a real shock to the system

DD1 is back now for her second year and dd2 has now gone too. You'd think I'd be used to it this time, but no....

Still have ds (15) at home though.

DD1 has spent freshers' week making the most of all the freebies given out - the first years are too polite compared to the "old hands" when it comes to freeloading!

Oh dear wheredidtheyearsgo - We are currently looking at Uni's for DS2, who will apply next September . I am not looking forward to him going also. I still have DS3 at home - he has 4 years to go

DS1 went back today - freshers week, no lectures but he will be involved in DJing at a few parties. He got up at 10 am and started packing then. When I was a student, I did my packing over several days - he nearly went off without any underwear, but his decks, amps and keyboards were all he thought about. There were a few books amongst all the electronic stuff, fortunately.
DS2 will be applying next year (or planning gap year). Then the house will be empty and we will be able to eat grown up food every day!

I posted in this thread about a year ago. Settled DS1 into Uni yesterday for first time. I am feeling as bad as I thought I would be. Very sad and tearful and miss him a lot. I am used to him being away (his Dad lives abroad so he is often there in hols) but this feels very different. His 'normal life' was always here with me. Now it's not and his holiday life only will be here. I am so proud of him for his achievements and for getting to a great Uni, but very sad at the moment.

I know it will pass.

Karen, my sympathies although I have to admit I didn't feel as tearful as I expected when DS1 went off two years ago. His absence gave us more time to spend with DS2 who was then going into Y10 and we remembered how great it was when we started university and made our first little steps towards grown up life! In fact, DH scarcely wants to leave when we visit DS - wants to relive his student days!

Thanks Lilymaid. I am sure I will get used to it - it just feels like a hole in my life at the moment. I have a little one still at home (18 months!) so enough to keep busy with, plus a busy job. But I do miss my eldest

Took Ds1 back to Uni this morning - still feels a bit sad each time he goes back. How are you "new" empty nesters feeling?

I just found this thread searching for Kimi's 'first thread I started' thread - I think this was my first - it feels really strange, as DS has just come home after his final university exam & will be with us till he finds a job - so after having a truly empty nest since DD went off to uni last September, I've now got a fledgling back!

I was on that thread, though DS1 was going into his 2nd year in 2006. He's now working - and in a proper job which is an achievement for the class of 2008! DS2 starts A2 exams tomorrow and is then taking a gap year and applying to university for 2010 entry. So my "empty nest" will be in another year.
Good luck to Rustybear's DS in finding a job.

Just bumping this thread for anyone who might need it ... and also to boast report that DS got his results today: he got a 2:1, which he's very happy with

DD2 19 is off to uni in September. She has just had confirmation that she has got a place in her first choice of halls. Now we have to save up the money to pay for it! asshe is going to London.

Yay for Rustyboy! A 2:1 is fantastic, you must be soooo chuffed

DD is conveinced she has failed all her A levels so we just have to wait here.

Thanks Milliways - now he just has to find a job!

And I'm sure minimilli has done fine!

Forgot to say Rustybear congrationlations to your Ds on his 2.1 fantastic result.

Just reviving this thread as DD2 will be off to uni on Thursday. So just 4 days to go. She has at last started packing.

Oooh can I join too? My eldest DD is off in a couple of weeks. However she is only 40 minutes away by car so I can pop down whenever . I am sure she will love that!! So far I feel quite alright about it partly because it is so near but also because I had the big separation when she went travelling in Thailand and India earlier this year. I cried from when she left to go into the departure lounge until I got home from Heathrow. I couldn't bear leaving her on her own. However I did get used to it (using facebook to keep in touch helped). It really felt that someone had plunged a knife in my heart.

All that said I am sure I will be a little teary as goodbyes always hit me that way. Strange really as I have hardly seen her all summer. A small plus was that I knew her room was tidy and clean and we used less milk!!

However I am interested regarding what she should take in the way of cooking utensils etc. as she is in self-catering halls. I am thinking cheap stuff and absolute basics as I am sure most stuff will disappear. Any advice gratefully received before I hit Ikea.

Cooking utensils - yes go for cheap stuff as it will disappear/be trashed. I discovered that our local Oxfam shop had a load of cutlery and other stuff that they didn't have room to put out in the shop - very useful for house shares in 2nd and 3rd years.

think i cried nearly every night for the first 6 weeks. I made no rules about phone calls, just said ring me when you want to..as i didnt want to feel as though i was a nuisance. He went to nottingham which is 2 hours away, so couldnt exactly drop by. Got the odd phone call on an irregular basis!!
but what i did get was the bin sack full of washing to be done when he came homehe was having a ball with all his new friends which wa great. Uni and school are the best times of your life...good luck to him...enjoy it...the rest of it is mundane and repetitive going to work everyday. he has been lucky enuf to get a job placement in melbourne through the uni for 3 weeks ,so he is having the summer of his life travelling round australia with a uni colleague.when Ds2 goes i am sure i will feel lonely but as long as they are happy that all i want. i know that when i get a phone call, its because he wants to and if he comes home mid term its because he wants too.

lilymaid - hadn't thought of charity shops - will they be cheaper than Ikea?

My DD doesn't know how to use the washing machine - I feel quite embarassed saying that although my youngest DD does. I will not however be washing sack loads of clothes - think she needs to do this herself either at college or at home!

alypaly - travelling is great for them I agree. When my DD got back from India she said that if you can travel there you can travel anywhere and I have worried about he far less than before.

HarlotOTara ...the only time i got worried was when he told me he found a red backed spider on his back pack!!!!!!!!!yikes...they are deadly poisonous

I found that our local charity shop was delighted to sell me a great deal of cutlery etc for almost nothing - but your DD might like to start off with new stuff from somewhere like IKEA. Once they are sharing houses in the 2nd year they are grateful for anything that closely resembles a knife, spoon, plate etc! (And you may be so shocked by the lack of care/disgusting kitchens that you won't want to spend out on anything decent).
I would try to tell your DD the importance of separating out coloured clothing from whites and that anything with wool in it needs to be washed separately with different detergent/soap and should not be tumble dried at high temperature. Some of her clothes will be ruined by inappropriate wash programmes, others by strange cocktails imbibed during Freshers week.

DD1 off to Liverpool on the 20th - not exactly 'empty nest' as there are still 3 at home but there will be a dd1 shaped hole!

Just know I am going to blub the whole way back from dropping her off (probably the whole way there as well!)good job DH will be driving.

I bought a 12 piece cutlery set at poundland for £1 and some cheap tesco value cooking utensils that were less then 50p each. I've also bought a box of crockery (4 bowls,4 dinner plates and 4 side plates)from poundland for £7,49. DD2 sems very pleased with them. She is off to London so she can only take one car load. Dh is taking her, I'll go with them if there is enough room in the car but somehow I don't think there will be.

Mumeeee £1 for cutlery is cheaper than £2.50 in Tesco will need to investigate. Am thinking of marking everything with one of those indelible pens once advertised by David Beckham (forgotten name). From experience things disappear