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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

999 replies

rustybear · 31/08/2006 20:09

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

OP posts:
phillja · 19/09/2006 12:13

Hi, just dropped my youngest off on Saturday. Surprised by the lack of online chat on this subject, was thinking about starting my own!! (If only I knew how!!) Grateful to have found this site. Feeling pretty sad and tearful!

ellceeell · 19/09/2006 13:13

It's a shock isn't it? I remember last year knowing logically that ds was going and coping rather well - and then once he'd gone it hit me emotionally and I really felt it was the end of an important stage in our lives.

mumof3teens · 19/09/2006 18:31

I know how you all feel. Even though DS1 is now a second year, it doesn't seem to be any easier him going back (and I have DS2 & DS3 still at home). I think it really hits home that they are only with you for a short time when they go to Uni. It seems slightly illogical me feeling this way, as he absolutely loves his course and has made some great mates. Guess I just miss him.

WhereDidTheYearsGo · 19/09/2006 19:30

So glad I found this site - nice to know Im not odd for feeling tearful! ellceeell I know exactly what you mean about knowing logically it's the right thing, and perfectly normal for them to fly the nest - but still finding it hard. That's how i feel.

karen8 · 20/09/2006 10:36

I just know I will be the same next year when DS1 goes off to Uni. I feel sad already at the thought even though I am pleased for him, as many of you say, logically.

Empathise so much with those of you feeling sad and tearful at the moment. I hope it gets better for you soon.

gillymum · 20/09/2006 19:33

Hi Everyone

Just to let you know that we took DS to Scotland just over a week ago and managed rather well. We sailed over from NI on the Fri in glorious weather, which helped. Halls were better than the ones we saw on open day but we were first there.

On Sat we went to family welcome session and came out expecting DS to be going in to his own session. No sign. We found him attached to two flat mates, totally laid back and ready to wave goodbye.

Sat night we went to a restaurant and I got tearful looking at the empty chair - now only 3 of us - but got over it OK.

Sun - called in before leaving and took DS shopping - he got 2 bed at 3.30 am - always a good sign.

This is week 2 and he's fine - has used laundry and was being cooked for by a GIRL Has teamed up with 4 others from his flat and is joining in everything.

To all of you - it'll be fine - it is an emotional shock - even DH was tearful in privacy of own home - but it wears off.

I just think - some mums are facing life without their sons/daughters due to illness, accident and even murder, so we should be glad that ours are well, smart and safe.

Group hug to you all.

Lilymaid · 20/09/2006 19:37

It is sad to leave them but it is good to see them fitting in and moving on to the next stage in their lives. I remember university as some of the best days of my life (a million times better than school) and I hope my DS and other students can enjoy the experience as much as I did.

phillja · 21/09/2006 08:33

If it's your last who has gone off, what is everyone doing to fill the space? Does everyone have jobs, or has anyone, like me, been a stay at home mum? Glad your trip went well Lilymaid.

Lilymaid · 21/09/2006 14:09

I didn't have the epic trip - it was Gillymum! I merely have to take DS 100 miles - takes 2 hours each way.
I work almost full time now but have worked for varying hours (not at all when DS2 was small) since DS1 was born.

mumof3teens · 21/09/2006 15:51

I'm the same as Lilymaid - work almost full time lately, but varying days (freelance). Must be particularly strange for you phillja as a sahm, I suppose it's a time to think about all of the things you have wanted to do but couldn't due to family commitments? Just had DS1 on the phone to give me the feedback he has just received from his SSC - v happy. Also told me about the Medics pyjama pub crawl through MCR tonight (15 pubs I think) which makes me much less happy
It's so good to hear all of their news. He had the landlords managing agent round yesterday who was "appalled" by the condition of the student house (slum) and promised to get something done- not holding my breath.

Original poster
rustybear · 27/09/2006 23:01

Ironic that I called this the empty nest thread. Our nest is now piled high with DS's belongings, kitchen stuff etc all waiting to be packed into the car on Saturday still bet we've forgotten something vital....

OP posts:
mumof3teens · 28/09/2006 08:53

Good luck for Sat Rustybear

Lilymaid · 28/09/2006 19:35

rustybear
Don't forget the chocolate cake (with or without the bottle of vodka) so DS can entertain/make new friends on the first evening!

MamaDucky · 28/09/2006 22:34

I'm British but living in Germany alone with my 2 dd's 15 and 4. I'm separated from German hubby who has not wanted to see children in 2 years. Just took DS (still only 17) to London last Saturday to start at UCL, living in Halls in central London.He's doing 4 years Engineering with Computer Science, but said he may change to medicine. I miss him soooo much (it's not even a week yet).His little sister (4) misses him much more than older one.He has a phone in his room but he never seems to be there! I want more contact! I know its freshers week and so much to sort out, but how much contact do other mums get during the 1st week? Just wondering as I reckon he thinks I'm mummying him too much when he wants to be independant.Am I too persistant? He's only just turned 17 and 2 mins walk from Tott'Crt Rd. Am I over anxious?

Joolstoo · 28/09/2006 22:39

my empty nest pang lasted all of about half a day - the half day we returned from delivering our youngest to his halls of residence. Next day i was fine.

Actually took ages to get rid of the blighters, they were always back at our gaff until we moved 90 miles away

we're a very close family actually.

Original poster
rustybear · 29/09/2006 10:49

MamaDucky - does he have a computer in his room? I had the 'don't want to harrass you but do want to know you're still alive' talk with DS and we agreed that he'd send me a message from time to time when he's on MSN - but you can set it so that you get notified everytime he comes on line.

OP posts:
Lilymaid · 29/09/2006 14:20

Mamaducky
I had nil contact in Week 1 (last year). I often e-mail DS as I feel that is less intrusive than telephoning. His brother has some contact via MSN Messenger. DS has now acquired a skype telephone but I think he uses that to talk to his girlfriend who is over in Berlin for the next 6 months as part of her course.

Original poster
rustybear · 01/10/2006 16:22

Have just got back from dropping DS at Warwick & have already had a text asking for his medicl details - knew we'd forget something!
He's got a nice room, with brand new furniture so it looks nice & bright & he was getting to know people on his floor when we left.

OP posts:
kilmacthomas · 01/10/2006 22:00

Have just got back from Bristol and yes I am very sad/happy/estatic/worried!! Just need to say that really. I am sure that my daughter is having the best time but I wish that I could be absolutly sure. Will she remember to get up for breakfast tomorrow at the right time? Is there anything I have forgotten to take? To tell her?
I feel a failure as I am sure I have not done everything but I am not there and I can not put it right!! She will be home next Friday but that is not soon enough.

Am I the only one who feels so useless and redundant, I never thought I would say this but thank god I have got my undervalued job in the CPS.

Judy1234 · 01/10/2006 22:37

I just dropped off my son. He is the third child I've dropped off at university in three years so not quite the same novelty and it will be 11 years before I drop off the youngest but still it's a bit sad, particularly for his little brothers. In effect he's been their father in so many ways over the last 3 years in the absence of the children's father.

gillymum · 03/10/2006 19:20

I hope most of you are getting used to being without ds and dds. We didn't hear from ours much at first, but I'm now getting queries about how to remove stains from clothing without actually washing the whole garment! See - I knew he'd miss me!!

We still have 14yr old at home so it's not so bad. Have told him to take up nursing so he can look after us in our dotage - he says he's going to become rich and hire someone, so we'd better be good to him or he'll get someone cheap

Lilymaid · 04/10/2006 14:12

The stained garments will come back to you when he visits/end of term and you will then be expected to perform magic. Most stains appear to be from gruesome cocktail mixes (in DS' case the cocktails had been served in a wellington boot!)

Judy1234 · 07/10/2006 19:17

The youngest of my 3 at univerity came back today without washing. Said he'd been doing it. I suppose that's good. I thought coming home after 2 weeks better than one however. His younger brothers are pleased to see him.

themoon666 · 07/10/2006 19:43

DD just started her 2nd year. All you mums wondering why they don't contact you..... don't worry, they will after they've run out of their first lot of money!!!

WhereDidTheYearsGo · 10/10/2006 08:53

I get phone calls asking me how long to cook things for! It always cheers me up to hear from her, and it's rather nice to be able to help!