DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

sorry- through

Gingeroots

In these circumstances, I think he should feel proud of himself for finding a way through to do something interesting - many people would have given up. He has the option to do a degree through a different route - good for him for taking it. There is so much pressure these days to "excel", whatever they do doesn't seem to be enough unless it's an Oxbridge first. And I know people with those who still feel inferior ...

I try to keep drumming home the message to my 2 dss that resilience is the best lesson to learn. No one succeeds at everything, and learning how to cope with failure is essential. And of course, the more you succeed, the more you increase the idea of failure. I know someone whose daughter was devastated for weeks because she only got 2A*s and an A - never mind the Oxbridge place she got, this was failure and caused her immense trauma. This is just daft. Her life is going to be hard if she can't cope with disappointment.

Her parents encouraged this attitude - her brother was told off for only getting 11 As at GCSE (as well as representing his county at rugby). Not a good message.

Anyone remember the idea of being a "good enough" parent? Maybe we should allow our kids to be "good enough" as well!

Lovely post ,thanks Copper
( and everyone else for putting up with my whinging )
Oh and yes "man up " FFS - what was I thinking of using such a silly expression .

We had a lovely family time on Wednesday with great food, fireworks, Chinese sky lanterns and all 3 generations, including DD, round the table! Then I drove her back to Oxford the next morning in time to: go to a lecture, finish and submit an essay, attend wardens drinks and go to the evening debate at the union. I stayed up late doing the washing and ironing and I know she should be doing her own but at least she has a breather and its the last time I do it.
Her clothes are no longer Goth or Boho though but she looked very very happy.
It spurred DS to go to the library till 11.30 the following day doing his essay! So I am hoping he has got over the lack of deadline compliance from last year and he is enjoying doing economics as well as history. I do think it is perfectly normal to want to change subject till it is the right one.

I still haven't solved the empty nest issue- I really don't want to be the sort of mother that only lives for when the children come home- I also feel that these in between years when the children are gone and before we become old are very precious and valuable and i do want to make the most of them- but doing what?

Hello funny, I keep getting loads of ideas BUT they are usually impractical or on too small a scale. Still at least I was home to take someone to A&E on Tues!
Been a horrible few days.

but doing what?
Empty nest solved apart from what to do for next 10-15+ years.

Perhaps you could share your ideas? I am short on imagination but good at practicalities
I hope the A and E visit had a good outcome?

Dear Betelguese that sore throat has been going round campus!

DD made an appointment to see the GP but then it suddenly got better so she didn't need to. Yes she does live in college this year- she took the Oxford Tube after her last lecture and 2 hours in the library on Wednesday and arrived in time for supper and celebrations, stayed the night and I drove her back the next morning in time to make the 12 o clock lecture, finish and submit the essay, go to Warden's drinks and attend the Oxford union debate (state versus independent schools) It was a juggle (for both of us) but I felt so proud of her for not missing any academics or social committments.

I can't do art (though DS and DD said my rangoli was amazing: the first one I have done without them: looked it up on youtube: fascinating art) in any form as I have no imagination so can only admire. Its a brain thing. I have the wrong sort of brain. I read that neuroscientific research shows the right side of the brain is engaged in imaginative tasks. However I was educated from a very early age to be a scientist, left brain task orientated, in the days when educationalists did not realise, as they do now, that to be really really good, both sides of the brain should be developed. Thats why I truly admire artists and linguists.

But the idea of writing about people is something I think about. Quite a lot.

And, like many people, I love going to galleries, listening to classical music, watching ballet, going to the theatre etc. But I feel that one can't only be a passive observer of the arts for the next 15 years. It wont do. And more than once or twice a month it is expensive. Something more active with depth is needed.

So happy your DS is better.

funny A&E and the following could have a huge impact on our lives. Off work for at least a month.(not me)
Would be more than happy to share some of the ideas etc but I need a few days of breathing space.
I too was in a very scientific house as a child/young adult and as expected went on to study the subjects that were 'chit chat'.
How I have a linguist at uni mystifies me as DH is pure geek! in a nice way. Her thinking was/is very strange to me...... odd..(DD1) not DD2.

harbinger I wish you strength to cope with the impact of having people at home: it can be very nice as well as worrying. I hope your DH recovers completely and I am sorry he was ill.
Linguists are astonishing- well done to your DD1

I didn't say DH but....
Thank you for your kind message. I'm sure i can cope with [grimace] someone around all the time.
Following on from your brain (L&R),how can two girls be so different?
Very interesting.Nature/nurture etc

Well the chit chat was all based on family and neighbours-no different to most people. However, geography,geology,astronomy then all the medical school problems (pre clinical) and a CC Police next door just topped it off!
there is gossip and 'there is gossip'.
What a weird neighbourhood.All changed now and almost all Asian. wouldn't know the place.

Very hard to say. In hindsight I did but I shouldn't have. Very hard to explain.

I was more than happy studying the subject. I shouldn't have studied where I did.
PS I did joint hons Pharmacology and Physiology.

www.oucs.ox.ac.uk/helpcentre/pcsupport/applewarranty.xml

probably too late for this one but useful for the future