DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

Sorry about that- it seemed worth a try- I'm surprised they cant get a replacement power cord in for him from apple. Oh well- everything these days is such a fight. You would have thought his problem fits in exactly with the stated purpose of the warranty service. There is an apple store at the Oracle in Reading which he could go to I suppose- it is walking distance from Reading station.

just re-reading this several years on . DD1 will be taking her medic finals in March , how can six years have gone so quickly ? DD2 has just started 2nd year out of 3 which is going very quickly . Both are coming home for weekend to see us and each other which is lovely . They would however, like to go out for a nice ( ie expensive ! ) meal. We shall probably oblige ! We are settling down as a couple again but is still weird when they both go away each time . But less stressful !

funnyperson - read your post on another thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/1318626-University-in-London?pg=2 about your DS and girlfriend being attacked in London this weekend .
I'm so sorry ,how absolutely awful ,you must be so worried .
How are they both ?
And you ?
I live in London near a very undesirable area but have never been anxious ,even this summer with all the unrest .
Very sadly I think this type of thing can happen anywhere .
(sorry ,feeble attempt to reassure parents with DC in London ,just spreading the anxiety )

gingeroots thank you for your concern. They are extremely shaken. DS girlfriend was badly injured. I am pleased they are alive to tell the tale. The suddenness of the attack and its unprovoked nature and the use of knives shocked the DC. It wasn't in a rough area. But it was in the early hours of the morning.
It has sadly put a strain on their relationship as DS feels he ought to have protected his girlfriend better.

Oh heavens ,I hope DS girlfriend will be ok .
I imagine the physchological effects will be as bad as the physical .

DS feels he ought to have protected his girlfriend better - oh goodness what a terrible situation to be in .
I'm sure he did all he could given the circumstances , but no doubt he's going over it in his head thinking of different actions he could have taken .

Will they have access to some professional emotional support ?

And of course they need to make sure that their tutors ?lecturers ( not sure of terminology ) are aware and take into account .

You must want him at home with you and for him to allow you to look after him .
How awful for you all .

Girlfriend is at home with her family. DS is in the student house trying to meet essay deadlines and getting on with daily life. Its always best to look forward and put these things behind one. I spent the day at the house the day it happened as they clearly needed the company but there is no point dwelling on it. No, tutors haven't been told. No intention of telling them either since as far as DS is concerned he has to meet deadlines, end of story.

funnyperson I'm not best at expressing myself so hope this comes out ok .
Knives ,girlfriend seriously injured = a major trauma .
I understand that some people will cope best by just carrying on , I'm also thinking that with the issues during last academic year of deadlines and DS that he can't allow himself any backsliding ,excuses to miss any this year .

But I think his tutors need to know in case the quality of his work ( submitted on time ) suffers as a result .
It's not as if it's a case of flu or he's making it up .
He'd have to tell them I know ,and I bet he doesn't want to after problems last year in case it sounds as though he's making excuses .
But he should .
Hope you're okay .

Thank you. I am really worried because DS as ever is monosyllabic in his communications if he communicates at all. Therefore there is little I can do and I have no idea how he is feeling or coping or doing in reality. It would be completely unrealistic and probably not useful for me to move into his students house! I am hoping that his housemates are being company at least. I doubt he will let his tutor know. In any case there is no way round it he has to do his academic work. So its best to let him get on with it.
There is such a big difference though compared to Oxford where they see the tutors so regularly in small groups that its easier to discuss progress/issues and DD says the pastoral care is fab. But setbacks do happen in life and this is an example of a time when he has to cope - do you think I am being cold hearted here?

No not cold hearted at all .
You are in such a difficult position with your DS ,your hands are tied and what else can you do but not dwell on the awful events and just move on .

I don't know your DS or all the details of the attack so I shouldn't be making assumptions about the effect on him .

I know when I was about the same age I was involved in an attack - no weapons and no injuries - one night when waiting for a cab with bf .

My support at that time came from peers ,not family ( tho I'm not close to my family ) and I'm sure your DS will be being supported in a similar way .

So hard for you though .

Now that they have all survived the first term (almost) how are you preparing yourselves for their homecoming.
On a practical level I'm airing her room and got an electric blanket for the bed.
I know that they will be tired out but will they be very different.....

DD1 is usually thrilled to be home and is nice and helpful then after a while reverts back to normal "teenage" behaviour. I presume DD2 will be exactly the same!

I've got two first years coming home,one next week! and the other about the 16thDec. Quite excited, or should I just look at loads of washing in December.

DD2 is home on the 17th and DD1 on the 23rd so still a few more weeks to go. I imagine it will be chaos as it has been very quiet with just DS.

webwiz do they get home under their own steam, or do you collect?

I am excited too, have been clearing out the house a bit (paper apart) and thinking ahead about christmassy decorations/food etc so that its less chaotic when they are here. I want home holidays to be a lovely memory for them.

Well DD1 is in San Francisco so she will be flying back - we are collecting her from Heathrow so fingers crossed for no snow! DD2 is getting the train home but I'll probably take her back in January.

I've just ordered an advent calendar to be sent to DD1 as she can't find any in the shops and was panicking that she might have to do without this year!

Is anyone else's DC in halls where they won't take parcels? Finding it very frustrating not to be able to send stuff up to her.

Don't they have a "post room" where things can be collected from?

Well not according to DD...I've had to wrap up things small enough to go through the letter box. She must have got it wrong surely?

funnychucked loads of paper into burner today-loads more to go....
I am excited,but have decided not to do stockings!

Best, yes, mine is.

Letters & tiny packets go through the letterbox. In theory delivery person buzzes the flat, but in fact their buzzer goes off in the flat next door so even if DS happened to be in he wouldn't know it had come

He's at Sheffield, he did manage to pick up one parcel by going on the bus to a depot in Chesterfield, but another one went to Rotherham & he never managed that so it ended up going back to amazon

(& he spent nearly £5 on calls to 0844 numbers sorting these out )

I'm sure DD2 doesn't have a letterbox - everything has to be collected.