DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

Thanks ponders, so far so good. Round two started this morning! Cases, washing and how many shoes?

Im new to this website. Wasnt crying a moment ago but as my fingers are typing the tears are flowing. Relief? That Ive actually found a site where I can log on, unload and blub all at the same time? Hopefully. I see so many familiar feelings expressed on here: my last little son (age 12) cries like the older one has died as opposed to gone to Uni. I normally work but Im home with illness which makes the house seem like a ghosttown. I did go to work yesterday (dropped him off on Saturday 24th to Bath) but kept crying in the kitchen at work with no notice (whats that all about?!). I dont like this empty nest syndrome ... not at all. AND to hear that it doesnt just go away like measles or sore throat is shocking .... (have stopped crying momentarily so thats good )

Right ... i just typed that and he called... he gave me 4 minutes of time, told me to get skype and a webcam ... then said he had to go as his halls have bad reception. I feel like Ive won a million pounds but now Im crying again .... how many mums turn to medication I wonder?

Lyonmum I wouldn't go turning to medication just yet - may be in a month if you still feel the same way.

Think of how well you have done as a family to springboard your DS off to a good start in life. No mother wants their DC tied to their apron strings - its a good time for them to go and a safe way to do it. I do think universities are a safe context for these young ones to grow up - quite apart from the intellectual stimulation.

It has definitely been harder for me to let go of DS this year- firstly I have had him home for 3 months and secondly I am worried about him because he failed his first year. Last year I tried ever so hard not to be a helicopter mum and he used to be touchingly concerned at how I was managing without him to find my glasses. This year he is in a student house with friends which is OK and clean but not fantastically well appointed, but he has yet to make it down to his university to even firm up his modules though I am annoyed to see that he has joined the boxing club. Though I am proud that he arranged a freshers bop event in the JCR for yesterday.

Boxing club , of all things, I ask you how is that going to help him unless some terrorist organisation has recruited him? Heaven help us, or perhaps it is a response to the rough area his student house is in, again heaven help us. I mean the British Medical Association put out a statement against boxing some years ago as it caused brains to pulp. Not great.

Just now I realised I had rung him 7 times already today- first to wake him up at 1.30 ( he says he was the first in the house to wake up- not reassuring) and then to make sure he got up and went in to get his modules confirmed. Then I realised I was going over the top with anxiety. So here I am on mumsnet. I think now I have had my say I am off to keep busy as that, and thinking positive are the things which pull me through. I wish all other empty nesters well.

PS both the DC have me as a facebook friend-this really helps me and them communicate. For example whenever DD 'pokes' me I know that she is still alive, and she always pokes me when she logs in and I poke her when I log in, even if we cant be bothered to actually send a message at that point, and it helps.

funnyperson - I feel for you .
Maybe boxing is good ?
Healthy body /healthy mind ?
Discipline ?
You never know ....

( though like you I suspect ,I'm learni ng not to get my hopes up when it comes to DS ,sounds mean ,but I think you'll know what I mean )

gingeroots -it is a fine line between keeping the faith as it were- knowing that he will come good in the end, though perhaps he needs support- and letting him be an individual. But children are like that from birth- always their own person, never the dream one thinks of- which is why, ultimately, they are so testing and so real and rewarding at the same time!
But oh dear heaven....... boxing........gulp........what about, for instance, the historians brunch at patisserie Valerie.... I mean what was wrong with that?

Lyonmum you're not alone. DD1 went on Sunday but I'm keeping so busy sorting DD2 (Mon).Not worth mixing their packing-I would never hear the end of it!
When DD2 leaves I am empty nest for 8 weeks.You have a little boy at home so as he grows up the house will get noisier!

I too dropped off at Bath Uni on Saturday but as from overseas stayed until yesterday! Had to buy an awful lot there as arrived only with suitcases! Would recommend skype with camera to everyone!

Well DS has been at Kingston for 2 weeks and is begining to enjoy it, the house still seems so quiet but I know I have to get used to it, he says he might pop back again this weekend but think that is more to see his dog than me, it is very difficult to let go and the tears are never far away, but I suppose thats life someone once said to me . . . have them, love them and let them go. Very true but so hard. Love to you all. Xx

funnyperson my DD's do the poking thing on facebook as well. DD1 has managed to panic me this week though, she left me a message on facebook that she had split up with her boyfriend and then there was no contact for 4 days aaaargh. I was starting to worry that she was ok and as she is in America it isn't easy to get hold of her. She finally appeared online about half an hour ago. Phew.

Lyonmum (and Cherrylip) DD2 has just started at Bath as well and is really enjoying herself. She said they were testing the "stay inside your room" alarm today. We can't think of any reason why this alarm might be useful other than Zombie attack.

It does get easier after the first term and once you get into the routine of university year the holidays come around quickly.

Not going down the Facebook ruote

route even

Facebook is the only thing I can actually rely on with my DD's as they never seem to check emails or keep credit on their phones

Mine must have magical phones!

DD1 has a string of very cheap phones because she does dire things with them. Apparently if you drop your phone in a glass of beer putting into a cup of uncooked rice afterwards will get all the water out of it. However leaving it in your jeans pocket in the tumble drier is unfixable.

I am mostly communicating with DS2 by text (he has a Blackberry & is looking after it, amazingly)

FB is not allowed (by him)

otoh he is ringing - occasionally - so I know he is alive & functioning

DD2 will text me and answer her phone. She even calls me back if she's missed my phone call and sometime just phones for a chat. But she is now in 3rd year and I don't text everyday. But she does not want us parents on FB although she has added her grandmother ( my Mum ) and has her sisters on there

May I join you all? DS went last year, and I'm losing DS on sunday :(
Not sure quite what I feel right now - relief perhaps, but will miss him very much regardless.
The spare room floor isnt visible for all his 'stuff', cant believe he has as much as my DD did AND he's catered.
Oh dear, I can see a vast pit of empty nest syndrome looming...

Webwiz and CherryLip - it does seem to get a little bit better as the days go on but I am still crying EVERY day. Not just a little bit but massive cry-outs. Im trying to get it all out! My DS doesnt text like the girls with updates about "stay in your room" drills or the like .. I must admit the girls do seem to be better at staying in touch. Even DS's girlfriend is texting me to tell me about Loughborough ...whilst DS just text this morning "sooooooo tired". I desperately want to drive to Bath just to have the day with him but that will definitely make it alll much worse.... I need to hold on to half term in October surely?

By the way Lostmymind - welcome ..... this is a saving grace ... although loggin on does make my cry even when I wasnt planning to !! Ive downloaded a book called The Empty Nest - has some v good psychological pointers and reinforces we are not alone ....

DD got locked out of room last night , not because she forgot her keys but because the clothes airer fell down and blocked the door. She is now very tired and is wondering how much it will cost for them to get her in. They cant lift the door as it only opens around 1cm. There has been some talk of them breaking the window as the latch is broken and getting in that way. She had to go to a seminar this morning and was hoping to sneak out early as her housemate has to go out. Not much we can do for her really but just praying that it wont cost too much. Well I dont suppose she will leave the airer there again ! Never mind....

oh homeaway, what a PITA! Hope it isn't too expensive. Where did she sleep?

Lyonmum, they don't all get a mid-term break - depends on subject & institution. My DSs are both doing Politics but at different places, & one does get a reading week (2nd week in Nov) & one doesn't, so check with your DS what his dept does.

(Agree about utter failure of boys to share stuff compared with girls!)

Hello, lostmymind

Hope Sunday goes well for you

(We had so much of DS's stuff piled up in the front room (no spare room) it was a relief to get it all out of the house...)

thanks all :)
really not sure how it's all going to fit in the car...

Is anyone planning to visit their DD/S's in a few weeks? For DD i went up 2 weeks after she'd moved into accomodation, see if she had everything she needed; food, books (ok, I missed her). DS is less keen and wants to be left, says he may come home early november (a reading week as per Ponders), but I'm debating whether or not to go up before then.

It's soo hard to let go. DD settled very well and is happy, hoping DS will be the same.