DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

We saw lots of cars going north yesterday up the A1 packed to the brim with student junk.
We were going to remove the last of DS1's belongings from his flat before he flew off to a job abroad today. He's been in the same city as undergrad, worker and postgrad for the last six years, so it is a real change for him. I was getting rather emotional, though DS1 pointed out that he would only be 4 hours door to door from us and that we were going to his new city (very popular/cool tourist desitination) next month.
It doesn't seem a day since we first dropped him in hall (with the infamous chocolate cake and bottle of vodka) as a fresher. Now we have to get his stuff safely packed away and get DS2's stuff together for his return to university next week.

Dropped DS3 off at Sheffield. Haven't cried (yet). He has just phoned and is having a great time. Such a relief. Down to just DH and me now.

I must admit the flats looked amazing and dd has already had bbq with flatmates.
Left her purse on the kitchen table though so I have to post that up to her...doh!

we took DS to Sheffield today too & I didn't cry either, mumof3

his room is fab & I was very impressed with the organisation & all the hi-vis marshals.

haven't heard a word since we left 3 hours ago - assume that's good news.

We got back in the early hours of this morning from our UK stint. What a full on day. DD settled in ok but already had two bottles of juice taken from fridge, so hope that things will get better. Room was rather stinky so we got fabreze and left the window open for hours. She will survive and so will i but it will take time to get used to her not being home when i come home from work. DS off on Wednesday so helping him pack as we speak. Hope you are all ok

Drove down to Kent and back today - 6 hours in all. It's DS2's second year, so I coped better than I did last year. He is going into a shared house this year with 5 others, who all seemed really nice. The house is great generally, although his room is the smallest - he drew the short straw!

But, we were really annoyed to see that the house hadn't been cleaned over the summer - despite them having to pay a retainer and the rent was very high. I decided to make his bed (sad mummy!) and I'm glad I did, because I found an old, mouldy mattress stuffed underneath the bed and then a bloodstained handkerchief and other rubbish under that! I was horrified!

We will be writing a letter of complaint to the landlord and I gather that some of the other parents will be doing the same. I took photos of damage and the mess and I have asked the lads to check the inventory carefully to make sure everything is there and that everything is working properly. I think they may have some issues with this landlord!

IME most student landlords are only in it for profit, & for getting as much money as they can There probably are honourable exceptions, but they're hard to find.

having photos of the state of the place is a good start, & landlords do have to protect the deposit with \link{http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/HomeAndCommunity/Privaterenting/Tenancies/DG_189120\a TDS}, but although student rents are so high landlords still appear to think they can pocket the lot & then charge for eg annual repainting out of the deposits

DS1 shares with 5 others in Newcastle. Their annual rent last year was over £23,000, & they worked very hard to clean the house before they left, but the landlord is still intending to keep most of the deposit for professional cleaning & a coat of magnolia throughout

The landlord's agent said there's no point appealing to the tribunal (??? or whatever it's called) because "they always find in favour of landlords", which has made him determined to push it as far as he can!

Good luck with yours, NQSD. (The mattress etc sounds disgusting )

Good luck with your DS Betelguese- what is happening about the cello?

Betelguese you have not missed the date as DD has not moved yet

notquiteso - how horrible to find the house in that state!
Interesting link ponders re deposit ,I never knew there was a guarantee .

If any comfort ,we live ( in London ) opposite a house that is always student rented . I've restrained myself from rushing across the road to slip parents ( dropping their kids off ) my phone number " just in case " they need it .
But said house is always cleaned ,renovated ,painted between lets - so some good landlords out there !

The landlady tried the deposit thing on with DD1 and her four housemates but DD1 and a sidekick went to the agents and wouldn't take no for an answer. The house was at least as clean when they left it as it was when they moved in, probably cleaner - they were extremely miffed.

If students have looked after a house they shouldn't take no for an answer.

As for me ,I lurk on this thread in anguish .
Feeling each tear for DC's left miles away as if it were my own but wishing I could join in with tales of flat mates and barbecues .
We've just left DS at a tiny college ( hi-vis jackets ,how I smiled ! ) where he's going to do a Foundation Degree .
He'll be coming at weekends ( and I'm sure many would love their DC's to be doing that ) but it kind of feels neither one thing or another .
I have told him I'm proud of him for getting this far - but I'm afraid I'm not .
It wasn't all his fault that he's not done well ,but he could have worked harder .
I feel sad for him and lacking in my parenting skills for not helping him achieve results more comesurate with his abilities .
And he doesn't seem to want to socialise ,tho I feel slightly cheered by the notion that this now seems more of an actual choice than a default .

Still - different strokes for different folks ,maybe he'll thrive in a gentler ,less academically challenging setting .
Just another stage of the journey .

coming home

Betel- they are not grants. We wish... It's a third of DS's budget from his student loan for the year.

Only a third of his loan for accommodation Duchesse ?

Where DS1 is, the accommodation is about 110% of his loan!